More Famous Last Words

The following Famous Last Words originated in my gaming group (often as taglines on e-mail messages). As far as I know they're all original.

Advanced Dungeons and Dragons

  • "I can't believe it, we actually beat Orcus! I'll grab his wand."
  • "A room full of gorgeous naked women? Guess the Abyss isn't so bad after all. Be back in a couple hours, guys!"
  • "What do you mean, behind me?"
  • "Lay on, MacDuff!"
  • "Can I use the rules from the Complete Bard's Handbook?"
  • "Raistlin, cover me."
  • "Look, Ragnar is evil, his prisoners will be good. Untie them."
  • "Food and water? Yeah, right. We're on an ocean. There's water everywhere, and we can fish for food anytime we want."
  • "For crying out loud, it's safe! Remember the old snake poem? Black on red, friend of Jack?"
  • "A glowing pattern on the floor? I'll walk across it."
  • "Just use a cure light right now to tide me over until the end of the adventure."
  • "A red dragon? I'll fireball it! You know, fight fire with fire?"
  • "Okay, not only does the paladin YOU said I could run get all of the regular paladin abilities, he ALSO gets full cavalier powers, bonuses for his attributes, double weapon specialization and all requisite racial bonuses for being a Drow Elf. What are you gonna do about it?"
  • "Oh, how cute! A little figurine of Mordenkainen made out of this funny moss!"
  • "What are you so worried about? You can save against energy drain, right?"
  • "Don't worry, my lord, I have a cunning plan."
  • "I don't care if the DM has put them on sale 100 for 1 gp. We won't need any!"
  • [having found Heward's Mystical Organ] "Hey, I know 'Chopsticks'!"
  • "Don't worry, I've played Ultima. Earthquake spells don't affect the caster's party."
  • [spoken in Drow temple] "Eeww, a spider!" *SQUISH*
  • "But that's the way it works in the Dragonlance novels!"
  • "It's only a game."
  • "But that's the way it works in the SSI games!"
  • "Okay, I'll finish tying up the townsfolk for slaves; you fireball the farmhouses. Say, what town was this, anyway?"

    • "Shadowdale."
    "Never heard of it."
  • "Huh? I was just flipping through your DMG. Sorry."
  • "But that's the way it worked in the D&D cartoon!"
  • "We'll be OK, the DM is a pushover."
  • "Hey Tenser! Your disk spell sucks!"
  • "Hah, middle of the marching order. I'll be safe here."
  • "We need a horse, right? I'll steal that eight-legged one. It looks really fast."
  • "I'll read it later."
  • "All the stuff I put in my bag of holding is gone? I climb inside and look around."
  • "Positive Material? Plane of Life, right? No sweat, let's go!"
  • "Look, Bob, the Plane of Minerals! Mineral Elemental guide, stop here, OK? We want to set up our mining camp now."
  • "Cool -- Artemis is in the spring? Bathing? Naked? Untie the dogs, I'm gonna watch for a while."
  • "It's just another Leomund's trap. Flip it open."
  • "You take the ghouls, I'll take the skeleton with the crown and the fancy robes."
  • PC: "I'll gate in ... who's the biggest deity in the Outlands?"

    • DM: "The Lady of Pain."
    PC: "Okay, I gate her in."
  • "Only the penitent man will what?"

Paranoia

  • "Geez, relax! The Computer can't hear us, my com link is off!"

    • "Yes, but mine isn't!"
  • "The warbot can't hurt us. It's got asimov circuits."
  • "We're running out of air!"

    • "No problem!" [blasts a hole in the side of the spaceship to let more in]
  • "We won't be out long enough to be affected by the radiation."
  • "Only static on the comlink? We'd better go help them!"
  • "A whistling noise? Hit the deck and stick a bag over your head, they taught us that in the Army!"
  • "Da, Tovarisch Computer!"
  • "Ha! The moment I make my report, six squadrons of Vultures will come pouring over that hill!"
  • "Yes, I'm sure I can reprogram a Warbot Mark IV! Why do you keep asking me that!?"
  • "What do you think would happen if I shot my gauss gun at the CompNode?"
  • "Hey, which side are you guys on?"

Legend of the Five Rings

  • "I fear no gaijin, Cornejo! Do your worst!"
  • [upon being asked if she is a Scorpion] "No, I'm a Frog."
  • "It's just a scratch, I'll be fine. Let's get back to the Wall."
  • "I accept the maho-tsukai's challenge. He wouldn't dishonor himself by using magic in a duel, would he?"
  • "Toshimoko? That's a girl's name."

Star Trek: The Next Generation

  • "Oh calm down, it's just a holodeck image."
  • "Look Q, don't you dare make an ass out of me in front of my crew!"
  • "Screw the Prime Directive, this is an emergency! Starfleet will understand."
  • "And in the interest of mutual friendship and comraderie between our species, I suggest that we each drop our shields and disarm our weapons. We've already done so; you do the same."
  • "Trust me, I've seen this episode."
  • "Not even a Ferengi would let us die because we didn't have two slips of latinum for the toll!"
  • "Role-play Cardassian torture? As if! I laugh at them until they let me go. What are they gonna do, kill me?"
  • "No, Lieutenant, it's RED wire connects to BLACK wire. Of course I'm sure. I took a couple courses on this back at the Academy."
  • "Heavily armed Betazoids? Heh. Betazoids are simps. I don't say it out loud, though."
  • "Hey Wes, you sure you know what you're doing?"
  • "Good thing they didn't think to shut off the life support."
  • "Can I play an Umgah?"

Star Wars

  • "My Jedi will steal the money from the orphans. Hey, it only says that Jedi have to avoid killing, right?"
  • [To a Dark Jedi] "Hey, could you show me how you do that Force lightning stuff?"
  • "What kind of a name is 'Jabba', anyway?"
  • "I'll lunge at him, grapple him, and pull us both off into the chasm. Don't worry, this is cinematic realism! The GM'll bring me back."
  • "Hey, if this kills me, I'll just come back as a hologram."
  • "It's not my fault!"
  • "I know which way the wind's blowing. I'll throw in with Fey'lya."
  • "I'll get their attention -- I shoot the bartender."
  • "What kind of a stupid name is Peregrine?"
  • "This is the perfect disguise! No one will ever guess I'm a Rebel general! What? What? What about the intercom?"
  • "A Wookie? One of them big furry guys, can't talk right, thick as two short planks? What do you mean, behind me?"
  • "They won't attack, we're more valuable to them alive."
  • "If you strike me down now, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

TORG

  • "Okay, I play the 'Martyr' card. Incidentally, what does 'Martyr' mean?"
  • "Gee, I didn't know there WAS an 'M' in the Drama Deck."
  • "We've defeated the High Lord? Dibs on his Darkness Device!"
  • "For a minute there, I thought we were in trouble."

As told to Serena Wakefield.
This document copyright © 1998 Raistlin Serena Wakefield.
Pahn and the illustration of Pahn are copyright © 1996 by Konami Co., td.
Used without permission.