Fantasy related jokes
A half-orc walks into the bar and orders a drink. When the barkeep brings him a beer, the half-orc asks, 'Hey bartender, want to hear an elf joke?'
'Well, I might,' replied the barkeep, 'but first let me tell you something. I myself am a half-elf. If you look over in that corner, you'll see an elvin mage of noted repute. And to your left you'll note the elvish swordmaster who won the king's tourney last season. Now are you sure you want to tell that elf joke?'
'Naw,' replies the half-orc. "I wouldn't want to explain it three times."
What's twelve inches long, elvish, and white?
Nothing.
How do you make a dead elf float?
Two scoops surface elf, one scoop ice cream.
How many dead elves does it take to fill a dump truck?
As many as possible. (or, all of them.)
Which is easier to unload, a cartfull of elves, or a cartfull of cannon balls?
The elves-- you can use a pitchfork. (although it's more fun with live ones...)
What's the difference between an elf and a halfling?
Better yardage when punting the halfling.
What's the difference between the panama canal and an elf maiden?
The canal's a busy ditch...
What's the difference between Galadriel and a glad bag?
One's empty, lifeless, full of garbage, and with no personality, and the other's a glad bag.
So this elf walks into this bar with this bald parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender says, "where'd you get that ugly thing?" Parrot says, "Elven kingdom, there's scads of 'em there!"
What's the difference between an elf maiden and a sorority girl?
Nothing.
What's golden haired, red, and hangs from the ceiling?
Elf on a meathook.
How do you get it down?
Bring in some drunken dwarves and yell, "PINATA PARTY!"
What do you have when you have 10,000 elves on the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.
"We wanted to have an elven maiden march in our annual march of virgins...
Didn't work. All of the eight-year-olds could outrun their fathers this time."
Why wasn't Jesus born to the elves?
Couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
What's the difference between dwarves and the stone they're made of?
About three points of IQ...
Why do halflings never use parachutes?
Last one got eaten by a gull...
Why don't halflings go berry picking anymore?
Last one was found in a yoghurt...
Why does the halflings have the best hockey teams?
They train in their refrigerators during summer...
Why halflings never play soccer?
Grass tickles them under the arms...
Why do halflings carts have square wheels?
For the passengers to see the scenery...
How many elves can take a shower together?
None. They all get through the drain...
How do you call a 7-ft muscular orc with a machine-gun?
Sir...
How can you save a dwarf drowning?
Take your feet off his head...
What do you throw to a drowning dwarf?
His wife and children...
What do you call two drows in a sleeping bag?
A Twix...
What's that tiny point in the sky?
An elf who drank Coke...