Well, here it is, folks. This is my personal list of the 10 sexiest men alive. People Magazine can go to hell, because Richard Gere SURE ain't on mine! (Although, honestly, who's even left? Every sexy man alive has been People's Sexiest Man of the Year already. I guess that they had to move on down to the second-class sexy men this year.)

10. Robert DeNiro. Oh, I love Italians. I love them, I love them, I love them, and Robert DeNiro is the perfect example of why I love them. He's so street and yet so museum at the same time.

9. Ian Mitchell Smith. You guys remember Wyatt in the movie "Weird Science"? That's him, all right. Of course, that movie was circa 1985 or so and Wyatt's probably old and ugly right now, but dear me - I have such a crush on Wyatt the character. Especially at that one part after everyone leaves the party when he's sitting on the chair and that girl asks him to kiss her, and he says, "Where do you want it?" Oh, give me chills!

8. Leonardo DiCaprio. Although he's a little too girly for my taste, Leonardo is much like a piece of fine art: while I wouldn't necessarily want to actually have sex with him, I would like to have him around to simply stare at for hours on end and admire his beauty. The word "hot" can't exactly be applied to him. If a man can be beautiful, Leonardo is beautiful. Not to mention the fact that he's a total piece of ass.

7. Dr. Drew on Loveline. Now, I know that I'm not alone in this one. I've had the experience of knowing several people who have similar brands of Dr. Drew Lust, and all of us can't be wrong. The man is sexy. I don't care if he's married with triplets and if he's Adam Carolla's straight man, he's SEXY. Case closed.

6. Sean Connery. Okay, the man is old enough to be my grandfather, and you don't even know how much crap I've had to take from people upon their hearing that I love this man, but hoooooooo damn. Ever since seeing Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, I've been hooked on this man. See Dragonheart, everyone. While not exactly a cinematic masterpiece, it's a cute story, and my baby Sean is the voice of the dragon. And can we say James Bond? Oh, yeeeah, baby.

5. Mick Jagger. Yet another guy who's older than my dad. Even now, Mick has that sexy thing to him that I can't quite put my finger on. But now is absolutely no comparison to when he was young and the Stones were in their hey-day. I see that clip of them on Ed Sullivan doing "Honky-Tonk Woman" at least once a week on TV, and I just salivate. Mmmm.

4. Pierce Brosnan. Oh, yum. My perfect man would be a cross between James Bond, Indiana Jones, and Han Solo. Pierce Brosnan is, in my opinion, the best James Bond ever. Or at least the sexiest James Bond ever. He's a gorgeous, gorgeous man. I'd like to rip off a piece of him and just chew on it.

3. Brad Pitt. Hoodamn, this boy's sexy. And his naked pictures are NOT hard to find on the Net, people. Check them OUT. He has THE most perfect body of any man that I've ever seen. Plus, he has a pretty face to match. Mmmm.

2. Val Kilmer. I've only recently become addicted to this man. I did love him in The Saint, but more because of his good acting than his looks. But then...THEN! Then, a few weeks ago, I saw Tombstone. If you have not seen this movie, see it, especially if you like period movies, which I do. Anyhow, Val is sexy.

And the number one sexiest man alive is...

1. Harrison Ford. You guys probably saw this one coming. Whether in Star Wars or Indiana Jones or really ANYTHING, my man Harrison is da bomb. The man is the DEFINITION of sexy. I could probably watch him stuff a turkey and be fascinated.

There you have it, folks - the real sexiest men alive.