Torner laid as still as he could in the bushes. Then he thought to himself,
" No old man, This ain't gonna work. That gnorc's gonna spot me for sure with his infravision. Well it's a good thing those gnorcs are stupid so I can trick 'em"
Torner slowly got to all fours. With any luck at all the gnorc's infravision would lead him to think Torner was some kind of forest animal. Maybe a large dog or something ( given his size while on all fours ). Then he was spotted by the gnorc. Just in time he thought.
" I see wha 'tis Jonkyn, looks lye a foress amminimale, mayb' a large dog er somp'in."
:: Don't cha love it when a plan comes together ? ::
" Well gnasher, go hunt it down. We'll have fresh meat for the trolls to eat when they return"
" Don't know Jonkyn, it looks kind'o scrawny"
Scrawny Torner thought, who is he calling scrawny ?::
"Oh quit you're bellyache'n, go git it"
That was Torner's cue. Years of service in the army had taught him the art of imitating animals to communicate with others in the field. < woof, woof, arf, arf > Oh that was an ideal labrador collie. Almost purfect Torner thought. And crawled away on all fours as fast as he could. The gnorc chased after him.
< arf, arf >
" ay, dis a slo 'n guyz. No truble haven' fresh food 'n da table,, hea hea hea"
Torner managed to make it far enough away from the brigands camp before the gnorc caught up to him. He ducked around a tree. Then stood up on the other side, then punched the gnorc as it came around the tree. The gnorc lay still on the ground. Torner wetted his index finger and made a mark on an imaginary board next to him.
"By my count, that's five orc's and five gnorc's for me, no Torner's for them " as he smiled.
HHAAOOOWWWWLLL
Just to the north and west another dog, lets say a Saint Bernard, lets call him Nipper, perks his ears up.
~ That sounded like a labrador, and it sounds like she's in heat ~
< WOOF> ~ Pavek ~ < WOOF, WOOF >
"What's wrong boy, more trolls ? "
~ NO, you silly human ~ < WOOF > ~ it's a lab, AND SHE'S WAITING FOR ME ~
< BARK, BARK, YIP >
" Nipper, your going of the deep end, would you be quite , or you'll attract more trolls "
Nipper had realized that he hadn't been with any female canine companion for over twenty years. Also the cooshee had been no help. So he started off in the direction that he heard the other dog noises come from.
" Nipper , stay "
~ Oh stay yourself, I'm going to go get me some puppy love ~
" NIPPER, I SAID STAY"
Nipper turned his head around to see Pavek glare at him. He knew that if he disobeyed Pavek again he may not see another fig treat. So he thought about it for a bit.
~ Let's see, on one paw is the fig, on the other is a lab, hummmm, fig versus lab ~
Nipper looked at Pavek.
~ fig ~
Then into the forest.
~ Lab ~
Pavek again.
~ Fig ? ~
Forest again.
~ LAB ~
< BARK, BARK >
~ Stay right there my labrador lover, I'll find you ~
As once again nipper darted off into the forest. Pavek chasing behind him as to not lose him.
" Nipper, come back here, Nipper "
Nipper kept running.
~ Ok how do I look ?, I don't smell that bad, teeth are still white, not to much dirt under the claws, now what are some of those good lines I used to know,,, ~
Meanwhile Torner was just about to reopen his skin of the Dwarven ale when he heard something crashing through the forest. Then out into view came a Saint Bernard, sniffing . Torner went on guard. It wasn't like the brigands to use dogs to hunt. This dog must have heard his imitations. Hey, he was better than he thought.
< sniff, sniff > Went Nipper.
~ Come on bitch, I know your around here somewhere, now is no time to play hard to get ~
" Hi there ol' boy, where'd you come from" as Torner slowly approaches Nipper.
Nipper looked at Torner. Saw that he was not threatening him so kept on sniffing the air for the labrador he had heard before.
~ Hey human, you see a dog around here lately ?~ < arf, arf >
" You must have came when you heard me bark huh ol' boy ? well, how about this one ?"
< yip >
Nipper looked at Torner once more. He could have swore he just heard a dalmatian call for dinner. But the only thing there was the other human.
~ Oh, don't tell me. You're the one that made the lab voice? No, no, no, no, no. this can't be happening to me. If the guys at the kennel ever found out about this I'd never hear the end. No, no, no, no. why ? Why me ? What did I do to deserve this ? I've been a good dog . You don't see me going around imitating humans do you? NO. Then why do you have to bark like one of us? WHY, WHY, WHY? ~< whimper >
Just then Pavek broke into view. Torner and Pavek stared at eachother, then realized that nether one was going to make the first move.
" I'm Pavek, Pavek Highcuty, Last of the Preserver. And that's Nipper. He ran off into the forest here. And stopped right at you"
" I'm Torner, pleased to meet you Pavek. And if I'm not mistaken, your dog is starting to cry"
" I'm sure he'll get over it. I have to bring this letter to some high priest in the temple of someone called Violet Elf. In some town called Bottemburn or something. How do I get there ?"
" Well, as the bird flies you head straight that way", as Torner points though the forest toward Bottomburn. " But, it would be safer if you take the road that's just this way. Come on I'll lead you to it. I'm going that way anyway."
The two men walk back toward the place were Torner had tied up his horse. Nipper got up and followed.
~ Why? Why. No, no, no. You humans owe me one now. Pavek I need a fig for this ~