Myrna had just returned to the Shadetree Inn after seeing the new Lytra. The whole thing had been so inspiring to her. Up till now she had only thought that men were capable of being heroes. Now she knew that women could also. She made up her mind that she was going to see that Lytra would be her role model. Then she realized that it was Babette.
" Maybe I'd better think about it some more before I choose a role model. I mean, Lytra is fine, but Babette ?? She is that airhead from Deepbottom. Hummmmm "
Myrna ( being the best barmaid in Bottomburn ) returned to her business, half day-dreaming about being like Lytra, a hero. But not day-dreaming so much that she would mess up an order.
" Boy, if I was a hero, I bet I could get the guys to ask me out more "
It was unfortunate for Myrna that a new past time had started to sweep though the land. She had only noticed it in the last day or two. It seamed that all the fellows in the area were now addicted to a game called ' FOOTBALL '. To her it looked like one group of guys beating up on another.
" And they think this is fun, I thought Babette had lost her senses "
Many of the patrons had asked if she would put the ' game ' on the teevee. Now Myrna had never even heard of a teevee, let alone what channel it was on. But that's what the patron would want, so she would get one to bring in more business. Even Myrna knew that when guys get together to see a game they are going to want lots of alcohol. It was just to bad the Dwarven ale was stolen
Sure enough. Men started to come in to see the ' game ' between the giants and the titans. To bad there was no teevee for them to view. But the 'game' was exciting.
" HEY, bubba , who you 'ruttin fer ??"
< belch >
" na, come on bubba, ya no da 'on't stan a chance in , , "
< BELCH >
" ok, I'll bet cha this beer they lose "
< BELCH >
" then it's a bet bubba"
Definitely some of the most intelligent conversation Myrna had heard in a long time. Up until now she was thinking of putting on one of those little cheerleader skirts like Babette had to attract a guy. But if these were the types of guys she would get.
" No Way !!"
" hay, Miss, get me another cold one, would ya ??"
< belch >
" yeah, one fer bubba too "
It was at this time she decided she didn't need this type of customer in her bar. She needed a much more sophisticated kind. Ones that would actually pay. After all, she had gotten some of those nasty little 'bills' in her door also. And one of them threatened to close down the Shadetree if it wasn't paid on time.
" get it your self " she replied, realizing that they didn't even know were the beer was kept.
" I SAID GET ME A BEER LADY "
Myrna had had enough with these ' football fans'. It was time to get rid of them. She walked over to the two, took her bar towel, twirled it up, and with a quick 'SNAP' of the towel she broke a leg of the chair that Bubba was sitting on, causing him to fall on the floor. The other got up, only to be put back down with two towel 'SNAPS' in the eyes. ( you see Myrna came in second in the towel snapping contest at the bar maid accademy ). Just in time for Bubba to get off the floor another 'SNAP' of the towel doubled him over as it found it's mark in his... ( well, can we call it the 'statue of liberty' ).
Lytra had been a good influence to her, now she saw that she wouldn't have to take that type of behavior from anyone. She grabbed the two by the hair and threw them out into the street, kicking them in the ' tight end' as she did.
" And don't come back !!"
She turned around to she all the rest of the patrons in the bar stairing at her.
" Well, anyone else want a piece of Myrna the maid" ,as she gripped the towel and glared at them
A chorus of no's and uh uh's came up, as they all scrambled for the door, leaving no one left in the bar. Seeing that there was no one left she decided to close the bar early and go home. Maybe get dressed up and head to the nicer part of town, after all it was the last day of Tipplefestmas, and there was bound to be a big shin-dig somewhere.
When Myrna got to her home she noticed something wrong . It looked as if someone had broken in. She looked all around to she what may have been stolen in the robbery, but found none of her valuables gone. ( which wasn't much, only a 8-trak tape of Ophyllia, a reproduction of an Andy Worhal painting, and some hubcaps from a '64 mustang ). So she started to get ready for her night out on the town. Then she found what was taken. Someone had taken all her underwear. Not a stitch was left.
" Why would anyone want all my underwear ?? " she thought aloud.
" Well, I'll have to go to Tiny's and get a new pair , and why do they call it a pair when you only get one of them ??, I'll have to ask Tiny about that "
With that, she headed out once more to Tiny's. When she got there she saw that all the women in Bottomburn were also there. It seamed that all the underwear in the town had been taken, and folks were lined up to get more. But the only fabric Tiny had left was corduroy, and no one wanted to wear corduroy panties.
" I hope that the Hero's can get to 'M'. not only did he steal the ale, but it now looks like he stole the panties "
And the townspeople start chanting