I'm a loner, I've always been a loner. For the first couple of years it was fun not dealing with the pathetic, small minded losers that surrouded me. Then I began to feel that ache. It a familiar pain now. The pain of loneliness. Isolation. Everybody tells me that being popular and well-liked isn't all that it seems. Why is it that they do that instead of trying to actually slove my problem?
" Most people just don't care."
I looked up. You wouldn't think it would be a big shock to see her in my doorway, we were friends after all, but she never really came to see me all that often. She'd saved my life a few times. We'd said 'hi', then 'bye'. I always brushed it off, the way she ignored me. Being the Slayer and all, she must have a full schedule. That's what I told myself.
" Hi Faith," I said without looking up.
The thing that didn't surprise me was the fact that she had answered my question. She knew things. Nobody would have to say a word, she could just tell what was going on. For some unexplainable reason, I found that to be one of the beautiful things about her. One of many.
She sat down on the bed and put her arm around me. That didn't surprise me either, though it might have surprised someone who didn't know her. She had a tough exterior, but she was free with affection when she sensed you needed it. She always knew the right kind of affection too. Whether to give you a look, a hug... sometimes more. After saving me, she would do something. And whatever it happened to be, it would make me feel all right.
" You're depressed."
" Yep." See, she is observant.
I've never been in love. I've loved another, but I've never been IN love. The way I see it, to be IN love, you have to have love back. Being in love equals a relationship. That's something nobody's ever wanted to get into with me. I think of myself as a repellent.
But I could never repell her. The Slayer. I seemed to attract her actually. Where ever I was, she'd be. If I needed her. That's why I wasn't dead, not that I was particularly happy about that. I'm not suicidal, I just don't really care anymore. Why should I? And don't go into that, you're a great human being crap. There is no such thing as a great human being. I've learned at least that much.
" I had to see you today."
" Really."
" Yeah. Something... I don't know. Kind of a pull."
" Toward me?"
" Yeah."
Sometimes I don't think I know her at all. Then I see how other people react to her and I think I may know her better than anyone. Like a soulmate. I believe in soulmates. I just don't think there's one for me. And odd number of souls in the world. How's that for cynical?
" You're in a mood again."
" How perceptive."
" It's always bad at night isn't it? That's why you go out, why you walk. Why you run into trouble."
" My whole life is trouble."
" I know."
Her solutions worked without fail. Short term. For small problems. She never vanquished the build-up either. But then something new happened. Something I never thought would. Most things don't shock me. Just the things that NEVER happen. Like her showing up to see me. This was even more unexpected than that.
" I love you Lauren."
Her lips were soft. Smooth. Don't make me describe kissing, please. I wasn't even actually focusing on the kiss. More the emotions flooding my brain. No, not my heart. That's were the blood is, you simpletons. Emotions come from the brain stem, but, anatomy aside, I being overcome. And then suddenly it was over. Not the kiss, she continued that for quite awhile. What was over was my life as I knew it. Existing in the shadows, creeping around, trying to steal whatever I could of 'normal' life. Just trying to experience what everyone else could. When she finally stopped kissing me, there was only one thing I could think of to say.
" How do you do that?"
She laughed. Her laughter was beautiful. Golden, actually, if you were to associate a color with it.
" How do I know what you need?"
She paused. I nodded.
" Everyone has a soulmate Lauren, it doesn't work out any other way."