Buffy turned off her radio. Momentary resentment flared, and she idly wondered if KIIS FM counted as an evil she could slay. How dare they play the very song she was feeling. With a half-hearted chuckle, she shook her head and flopped down on her bed. The dorm room seemed excessively cold, no lights were on, and Willow was off at Tara's doing... something... Buffy frowned thinking of exactly what. Her eyes grew wide.
" Buffy Summers, you have a dirty mind," she chided herself.
There was a picture of the one and only Riley Finn on the dresser next to her bed. She looked at it. Yes, she adored Riley. He was everything a girl could ask for, and he made her feel totally loved. But he made her feel guilty too. Sometimes, when they were together, she felt an emptiness in the pit of her stomach. Like she was supposed to feel something, but didn't. She sighed. It was true, she didn't really love him. Not like he loved her. She had done a damn good job of fooling him and everyone else though; even herself at times.
" A damn good job..." Buffy agreed out loud. " But on those late insomniac nights, you know who you love..."
Tell me why, I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart...
The radio went flying into the wall.
" Damn Backstreet Boys..." Faith muttered.
She paced back and forth around the perimeter of the cramped and stuffy crypt. She had wanted something with an ocean view, but hey, it was home. For the time being anyway. Faith was eager as hell to get out of Sunnydale, but with Buffy on the loose it was near impossible to slip out. They were connected, there was no doubt about it, and whenever Faith's head popped above sea level, her blonde counterpart was there. Well, at least someone cared enough to keep tabs on her. Then again, that was because Buffy thought she was a homicidal maniac and a general menace to society.
" Only half right..." muttered Faith with a dry chuckle. " Subtract -icidal... add an O..."
Homo maniac.
No one knew that though.
Okay, so she was a slut. She liked sex, and she liked the control sex gave her. But sex with guys was never anything more than just that. With girls though... with women... there was fire, there was electricity. Not that it mattered. Girls screwed her over just as much as guys did, but with guys she fucked them, they liked it, and they wouldn't leave her alone. With girls she fucked them, they liked it, got scared, and never came back. Such was the life of Faith.
" And what a fun life it is," she remarked sarcastically.
All heartbreak and getting screwed in every sense of the word. Things weren't supposed to be like that though. Not now.
" Not with the only thing I've ever needed so close..." she said. " So close... but so far..."
Guilty roads to an endless love
There's no control...
There was a rose on Willow's sweater. Roses. That's when it started, with the rose. She had really been able to feel Willow then. They had been completely in tune with each other. Ever since then, she had been able to feel the other girl inside the back of her head; some of her emotions and some of her thoughts. She desperately hoped that Willow wasn't experiencing the same thing though. That was the last thing Tara needed. If Willow could feel her thoughts, she might find out that Tara was interested in her as more than just a friend and Wicca-buddy.
" Don't want that, now do we..." Tara mumbled rhetorically.
" Did you say something?" Willow asked, popping her head up from the spellbook she was reading.
" Oh... nothing..." Tara replied as she turned the stereo's volume down.
Back to brooding. She brooded over Willow a lot. Tara's eyes roamed the redhead's figure, then back up to her face. So innocent, but so wise... Willow was honest and pure. And when she said she loved someone, she meant it. Tara focused on the floor. Willow had told her about Oz, the love of her life, the one she had lost her virginity to. How could one compete with that? What's more... how could SHE compete with a HIM? Willow liked guys. Tara knew she couldn't change that.
She would have thought deeper into it, but then she felt a hand on her shoulder.
" Hey..." Willow said softly. " You okay?"
Tara looked at her in the brief little way she always did. Like looking at the sun. Never full on. " I'm fine," she said, offering a small smile.
How can it be you're asking me to feel
The things you never show...?
Willow nodded gently and turned away from Tara.
" You always say that..." she breathed, more to herself than the shy little witch behind her.
She moved to the radio and turned it back up. They had set it on KIIS FM, and how ironic; that was the very thing Willow wanted to do most. Whenever Tara clammed up, she just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and kiss her hard. She couldn't though. Tara loved her, Willow wasn't blind, but she was scared too. And Willow couldn't take that kind of chance; Tara was too sensitive and Willow certainly didn't want to screw things up. Goddess! It was all so complicated! She wished more than anything that Tara would just tell her what she wanted.
Tara would keep quiet though. Like always. Their relationship would be confined to spells and rituals, which actually bordered on sex in themselves at times, but still that wasn't enough. Willow burned for touch. For openness. And as she gazed at Tara, who was desperately trying not to gaze back, it seemed sort of hopeless. Like two people going in opposite directions meeting face-to-face on a bridge only wide enough for one. It didn't look like either of them would be budging soon too.
No!
Willow screamed it at herself. She wouldn't let it be like that... that Dr. Suess thing. She turned around.
" Tara," she began.
" Buffy."
" Faith."
The blonde had decided to take a walk. The darker one had decided to make a run for it. Both were now regarding each other, their background a lawn with headstones. The usual. Eyes darted up and down, seeking ever-important weaknesses. ... That and simply admiring. It was Faith who made the first move; to dash away to the side. Buffy dropped down and shot her leg out, causing Faith to stumble and fall on the damp earth. The dark Slayer was up in a flash though, dodging the kick that followed. She threw a punch at Buffy, who blocked. They continued on, matching each other perfectly, and marveling inwardly at the rythym they had together. Finally, they beat themselves apart, and the battle paused.
" Faith."
" Buffy... Didn't we pass this already?"
" What're you doing here?"
" Trying to skip town! Why don't you save us both some trouble and let me go?"
" I don't think so."
Buffy connected a front-kick to Faith's jaw. She was stunned, but blocked and ducked the barrage of punches afterwards. Faith caught Buffy's last in her hand, and struck her with the other. A clean slug in the stomach. The blonde staggered back. Faith saw her opportunity and jumped on it. Literally. Within seconds, she had Buffy pinned to the ground and struggling beneath her. Faith sat on Buffy's knees, stretching over her, and keeping her wrists together above her head. They were face to face.
" Why did you have to make this so hard B?" the dark Slayer asked through clenched teeth. " You could have just let me go. I'd have disappeared into the night without a trace. You would have been free of Faith for good; but no, you had to do things the hard way. Why B, just tell me wh..."
" Dammit, I don't want you to go!"
Faith was cut off and stunned. So stunned she leaped to her feet and backed away. Buffy stood too. She advanced towards Faith, her hazel eyes burning into the brown ones.
" I don't want you to go," she said again, softly.
Faith looked confused and almost hurt by the statement. For once she didn't have the perfect comeback, and she couldn't even fake knowing what to do.
" Buffy..." was all Faith could manage.
Buffy kept advancing. Soon they were close; so close that Faith could feel Buffy's breath... smell her sweat...
Feel her lips.
Faith's mind reeled. She was being kissed. By Buffy. Her mouth slid open before she even knew it, and all at once Buffy's tongue invaded her. Receprocate! the dark Slayer thought. And she did. Tongues dueled harder than hands ever could. Mouths explored more now than they ever had talking. Blonde and brunette took each other in, and made silent promises to never let go. They didn't let go. Even when their lips parted.
" Faith..." Buffy whispered.
Faith grinned. " Deja vu."
" Smart-ass," stated Buffy, grinning back.
" Huh?" Tara replied in surprise.
" Tara... What are you thinking?"
The question hit her hard, and Tara could only stare at Willow for a few moments. Willow stared back too, the redhead's sparkling green eyes locking Tara's in place and her warm smile coaxing her out of her shell. Willow came closer, finally sitting on the bed next to Tara. The redhead's hands slid down from the shy girl's shoulder to her hands and held them. The warm smile was still there.
" What are you thinking?" Willow repeated.
Tara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. " You... your hands... your eyes, your smile, your warmth. Just... everything, you know?" Then she looked up. " Why do you ask?"
The question was slow, and there was fear in her face. Willow could see it there. Fear of rejection. It seemed so unsympathetic, but she couldn't help but grin.
" I won't reject you," she said, cupping Tara's cheek gently in her hand.
The shy girl's eyes grew wide. Completely unexpected. So many thoughts rushed through her head that she almost didn't hear what Willow said next. Almost. But she did, and she froze, the words " Kiss me" ringing in her ears. Timidly, Tara moved forward, and Willow waited patiently for her. Before long though, each was experiencing the wonderful softness of lips, the velvet warmth of tongue. It was hot. It was soft. It devoured. It caressed. It was passion and comfort at the same time. They were reluctant to break it.
Tara was breathing hard. " Wow..." she exhaled.
Willow nodded. " Yeah, wow..."
" I love you Buffy."
Show me the meaning of being lonely.
" I love you Faith."
Is this the feeling I need to walk with.
" I love you Tara."
Tell me why I can't be there where you are.
" I love you Willow."
There's something missing in my heart.
No longer.