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• "Lord help me, I'm just not that bright."

Some Enchanted Evening (7G01)

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• Lisa:  "He doesn't care mom."

Homer:   "Sure I do, I just want to have a beer while I'm caring." 

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• "Please, please, kids stop fighting.  Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers."

The Crepes of Wrath (7G13)

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• Marge:  "How about a glass of that wine Homer."

Homer:  "Sorry, Marge, some wise guy stuck a cork in the bottle."

The Crepes of Wrath (7G13)

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• "Earth to Marge, I was there, the Clown was g-i-l-l-t-y"

Krusty Gets Busted (7G12)

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• "Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike, you just go in every day and do it really half-assed.  That's the american way!"

The PTA Disbands (2F32)

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• "Young lady, in this house we obey the laws of thermal dynamics!"

The PTA Disbands (2F32)

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• "I've had just about enough of you Vasser Bashing young lady!"

The PTA Disbands (2F32)

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• "What's with these new bands, everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974.  It's a scientific fact."

Homerpalooza (3F21)

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• "Marge, this ticket doesn't just give me a seat.  It also gives me the right, no, the duty to make a complete ass of myself."

Dancin' Homer (7F05)

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Homer:  "Marge, where's the duff?"
Marge:  "Were all out.  How about some fruit juice."
Homer:  "Don't toy with me woman!"

Dead Putting Society (7F08)

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• "I think the fruit of my loins can beat the fruit of your loins any day of the week!"

Dead Putting Society (7F08)

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• "Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad, and I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves."

Dead Putting Society (7F08)

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• Homer:  "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns.  I believe you have a letter for me."

Postal Clerk:  "Ok Mr. Burns, What's your first name?"
Homer:  "I don't know."

Blood Feud (7F22)

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• "Lisa, I don't know what your doing but it's very strange and you father is trying to worry."

Blood Feud (7F22)

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• Homer:  "Miss, what does the I stand for?"

Guide:  "Important."
Homer:  "Ewwwwww.   How about the V?"
Guide:  (Slightly bothered) "Very."
Homer:  "Ohhh.  Miss just one more questio......"
Guide:  (Annoyed) "Person"
Homer:  "Ahhhhh.  What does the I stand for again?"
Guide:  (Holding her forehead) "Ohhhhhhh"

Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington (8F01)

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• Lisa:  "Dad, everybody likes Whacking Day but I hate it. Is there something wrong with me?"

Homer:  "Yes, Honey."
Lisa:  "Then what should I do?"
Homer:  "Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball, and release it at an appropriate time. Like that day I hit the Referee with the whiskey bottle. Remember that?
Lisa: "Yeah."
Homer: "Your daddy hit the referee?
Lisa: "Yeah..."
Homer: "Yeah."

Whacking Day (9F18)

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• "Oh my God, someone's trying to kill me, ahh..  Oh wait, it's for you Bart."

Witness Relocation For Bart (Episode Number Unknown)

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• "Kids, when you get hurt, move aside so someone else can jump."

Simpson's Trampoline (Episode Number Unknown)

• "Bart! You can't weld with such a little flame. Stupid kid."

Saturday's of Thunder (8F07)

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• Homer: "Your welcome to watch anything on TV."

Bart: "TV sucks!"
Homer: "I know your upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that."

Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie (9F03)

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• Marge: "Homer, we need to talk to you.

Homer: "But then I wouldn't be watching TV. You can see the bind I'm in."

Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie (9F03)

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• "God bless those pagans."

So It's Come To This: A Simpson's Clip Show (9F17)

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• "You don't understand Marge. The lottery is the one ray of hope in my otherwise unbearable life. Uhh, the lottery and you."

Dog of Death (8F17)

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• "Ahh, Lisa. The whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time."

Bart's Comet (2F11)

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More Quotes From Other Characters:
 

• Marge:  "I don't understand this senseless violence."

Bart:   "We don't expect you to."
Lisa:   "If cartoons were meant for adults they'd be on Prime time."

While watching Itchy and Scratchy

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• "This is not a lending library.  Put that thing down, or I'll blow your heads off."

-Apu in Krusty Gets Busted (7G12)

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• "Mrs. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film 'Neverending Story'."

-Lionel Hutz in New Kid on the Block (9F06)

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• Mrs. Krapople: "Bart! Are those liquor bottles?"

Bart: "I brought enough for everybody."
While making a flaming moe in school...

Flaming Moe's (8F08)

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