13 Donors so far.
"Someone's writing down your mistakes."
--Dogma, KMFDM
I've been many things in this journal. Angsty, though not as much as I used to be. I hope I manage to be intelligent. I try to be funny and grammatically correct at the same time. I make sure that I'm open and honest, and I try to remember to be tactful. The one thing that I actually haven't done too much of? Selfish.
Let's try that one, shall we?
I do not want to hear about your relationship problems, or your whining about not having a significant other, or your bitching and moaning about not getting play. I do not want to hear about your family problems, either of the "I'm worried about this person" or the "I hate this person" variety. I don't want to hear about why your school hates you, why you hate your school, or any variation on the above themes. I don't want to know about the great time you had, or about what you wished you had been doing instead. I do not want to hear about the fact that you are bored, upset, anxious, dying, etc. I do not want to hear about how happy you are. I do not want to make smalltalk with you. I have been kind, I have been patient, I have been caring, I have been understanding, and I have been there when you needed me to be. Right now I'm just a big fucking mass of raw nerves regarding just about any subject you could decide to come up with, so I would really appreciate it if you stopped poking me and rubbing salt in the wounds.
I do not need to be reminded of the things that make me feel inadequate, which is just about everything in case you were wondering. I don't want to be reminded of Stuyvesant, anything that happened while I was there, or anything involving the people that used to go there. I do not want to hear a single fucking word about the past/present/future sexual escapades of me, you, or any of our mutual friends. I very much do not need to be reminded about any decisions that I have made in the past 20ish years, be they academic, sexual, personal, cosmetic, culinary, or otherwise in nature. And I especially do not need to be reminded about the fact that every goddamn fucking thing that's wrong with my life is my own damn fault. When both the first thing I think when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think before I fall asleep each night are "I'm such an idiot," I really don't need your fucking help to reinforce that. But thanks for fucking trying anyways.
I had a craptastic Thanksgiving break. You may have noticed. I'd give the entire list of things that helped make that possible, but it would include just about everybody I saw or whose name was mentioned, and everything that happened between Tuesday morning and... and... fuck that. Forget about Thanksgiving break, the meter's still running on the whole thing and it has been for a while. And if you think I'm exaggerating about the comprehensiveness of the causes of my mood, not only are you wrong, but you can go fuck yourself and die in a hole. Don't worry, no one will miss you. It doesn't even matter which parts of the reasoning that led to all this are rational and which parts are irrational, because the whole thing just fucking sucks and absolutely none of it looks likely to resolve or otherwise get better anytime soon. Don't think of my site as having been down - think of "YOU MAKE ME HATE ME" as a 100% accurate shorthand version of this entry. Because you do.
And then there was a riot.
Keep sending donations - I could really use them.
13 Donors so far.