Top-N rubbish jokes. Yes, simple as that. Top N rubbish jokes. Come on
moderators, get it while it's hot...
(drumroll, please...)
1. Yes folks, this one's been bubbling under for a while now.
Submitted: Dangerman
2. So anyway, I was in the airport the other day, and I walked up to this
woman in a hostess uniform. She said 'Take it off, you look
ridiculous.'
Submitted: Dangerman
3. I was holding up this shopkeeper at gunpoint when the police turned
up. The officer shouted "Put the gun down!" so I shouted back "Well,
it's not a very nice colour and the trigger sticks quite a bit too".
Submitted: Dangerman
4. I saw a guy on the street the other day who said he hadn't had a bite
in a week. So I bit him.
Submitted: Arrowhead
5. I just flew in from Detroit, and boy, are my arms tired!
Submitted: Arrowhead
6. I was so ugly as a kid, my parents had to hang a dead mouse around my
neck so the cat would play with me!
Submitted: Arrowhead
7. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but
the lightbulb has to really want to change.
Submitted: Arrowhead
8. OK...Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? So he could hide in
the strawberry patch.
Submitted: Cornyholio
9. Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch? No.
Submitted: Cornyholio
10. See, it works.
Submitted: Cornyholio
11. Q: How many Laywers does it take to change a light bulb? A: How many
can you afford?
Submitted: Spanky(Spanky@hand.com)
12. Three men are walking down the street the first two walked into a bar,
the third one ducked!
Submitted: Da' Muffin Man
13. A street performer puts his hand in an alligator's mouth and beats it
on the head - everyone is amazed that it doesn't bite his hand off! A
bystander asks if he can try it. OK says the street performer. Thanks
but don't hit me too hard replies the bystander!
Submitted: Da' Muffin Man
14. How many Reagans does it take to change a lightbulb? Er...we-e-elll, I
forgot...
Submitted: Arrowhead
15. "Mommy, mommy, what's a vampire?" "Shut up and eat your soup before it
clots!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
16. "Mommy, mommy, I don't want to go to Europe!" "Shut up, and keep
swimming!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
17. "Mommy, mommy, what's a getaway car?" "Shut up and drive!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
18. Guy walks into a pharmacy, and picks up a box of condoms. He takes it
to the checkout counter, where the cashier rings it up, and tells him,
"That'll be $4.99, tax included!" The guy turns white as a sheet, and
stammers, "Er -- ah -- wouldn't duct tape hold it on just as well?"
(ba-da-BOOM!)
Submitted: Arrowhead
19. Two Irish men were standing on the ground and one fell off!
Submitted: Da' Muffin Man
20. Another guy walks into the unemployment office, looking for work. "Do
you have any work experience?", the counsellor asked him. "Well, me 'n
my buddy got laid off from a farmer. I used to shovel the sh*t in the
barnyard!" The counsellor says, "Actually, we do have an opening for
an 'agricultural technician'. It pays $5.00 an hour!". The guy looks
at the counsellor, and shouts, "That's outrageous! My buddy came in
here just a couple minutes ago, and you got him a job at twenty-five
an hour!" The counsellor says, "Oh, yeah. I remember him. You see, he
was a pilot, which is a very skilled occupation." The guy gets even
madder and protests, "Well, then, tell me this -- how the hell can he
pile it if I don't shovel it?" (I got a million of 'em, folks!)
Submitted: Arrowhead
21. A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were standing around, discussing how
they divvy up the collection. The priest says, "I draw a circle in the
ground, throw the money up in the air, and whatever lands inside the
circle, I keep. The rest is for the Lord." The priest says, "You know,
that's exactly how I do it, except that I keep the money that lands
outside the circle!" Finally, the rabbi chimes in: "Well, I prefer the
simple approach; I throw the money up in the air, God can take what he
wants, and whatever hits the ground, I keep!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
22. D'OH!!! I told it wrong -- the MINISTER is the guy that keeps the
money that lands outside the circle -- oh, never mind!
Submitted: Arrowhead
23. Why can't lesbians count to 70?!!! Because 69 is a mouthful.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
24. What's the difference between a laywer and a catfish? One's a
scum-sucking land dweller and the other is a fish.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
25. How many sexy guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hey, if
you're in a closet with a sexy guy, who needs light?!!!
Submitted: Sailor Earth
26. How many Borg does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they just
assimilate it!
Submitted: anonymous
27. How many Ferengig does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they sell
it to some yuppie as a "dark light emitter".
Submitted: anonymous
28. How many Klingons does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they just
phaser the building, and use the light from the burning rubble.
Submitted: anonymous
29. How many Romulans does it take to change a lightbulb? Change it
yourself, or I shall kill you!
Submitted: anonymous
30. How many Pakleds does it take to change a lightbulb? What's a
lightbulb?
Submitted: anonymous
31. A skeleton walked into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop. (Told by my
previous boss, Al Castillo.)
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
32. In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said, "Let there be
light." There was still nothing, but now you could see it. (Used to be
my e-mail signature file.)
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
33. Five Americans are in a sailboat in the middle of a lake. Five Dutch
people are eating in a restaurant. All of the sudden, the wind picks
up and a big storm starts. Who's more worried about tipping? (If
you're not "on the inside", you won't get that one. If only TiGar were
around. . .)
Submitted: Just Me(All riiiight, bad jokes. My specialty. . .)
34. What goes "Clippety Clop Clippety Clop BANG!"? A drive-by shooting in
Amish country.
Submitted: Just Me(All riiiight, bad jokes. My specialty. . .)
35. A little boy was talking to his mom, who had just gotten back from
work. He said, "Mommy, guess what I saw today?" The mom says, "What,
dear?". He says, "Well, a lady came to the door today, and daddy took
her upstairs. Then they both undressed and started grabbing each
other." The mom says, "Oh really? Well, tomorrow at Thanksgiving
dinner, you tell that story again when I ask you to." The next day at
dinner, she asks him to terll the story. He says, "Yesterday, a lady
came to the door and her and daddy both went upstairs." The mom says,
"Then what?" He says, "Then they did the same thing I saw you and
Uncle Joey do on vacation last summer."
Submitted: Just Me(All riiiight, bad jokes. My specialty. . .)
36. What's the difference between a shower curtain and toilet paper? So
*you're* the one. . .
Submitted: Just Me(All riiiight, bad jokes. My specialty. . .)
37. How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to
change the bulb and the other three to tell everyone how they can do
it without a man.
Submitted: Just Me(All riiiight, bad jokes. My specialty. . .)
38. #24. BOTTOM DWELLER not land dweller
Submitted: ChAoS
39. #4. You SAW Marv Albert?
Submitted: Amahd Rashad(@mbc.sports.com)
40. Use me. Use me. I'm trash.
Submitted: Xydexx Squeakypony(xydexx@smart.net)
41. (Hey, it did say _rubbish_ jokes, no?)
Submitted: Xydexx Squeakypony(xydexx@smart.net)
42. How do you know if a blond was using your computer? The white out on
the screen.
Submitted: Mad Max
43. What's the speed limit for sex? 68, because when you reach 69 you turn
over.
Submitted: Mad Max
44. What do you call 20 blonds standing in a row? A wind tunnel.
Submitted: Mad Max
45. Why aren't there very many blond cheerleaders? They stick to the floor
when they do the splits.
Submitted: Mad Max
46. How did the blond kill her toy poodle? Trying to insert the batteries.
Submitted: Mad Max
47. Jennie Sue was walking through a pasture. She saw a fly sitting on a
pile of cow shit. She laughed and laughed, cause she knew the fly
couldn't do all that!
Submitted: Tessie the cow
48. Jennie Sue's doctor told her she was pregnant with twins. She laughed
and laughed, cause she knew she didn't do it twice!
Submitted: Tessie the cow
49. What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? One only sucks
blood at night.
Submitted: Tessie the cow
50. What's the difference between Simba and OJ Simpson? One's an african
lion, the other's a lyin african.
Submitted: Tessie the cow
51. #37: I'd say it'd have to be the waitress!
Submitted: TiGar(I'm baa-ack!)
52. A guy walks into a bar and sees a group of blonde girls sitting at a
table cheering. He walks up and asks them what all the excitement's
about. They reply, "We just finished this awesome puzzle. It only took
us 45 days and the box said 2-4 years!"
Submitted: TiGar(I'm baa-ack!)
53. Jennie Sue fell off a cliff into the ocean. She laughed and laughed,
because she knew she had waterproof mascara on.
Submitted: TiGar(I'm baa-ack!)
54. Billy was telling his class all about his summer vacation. "And the
best part was when my dad got drunk, went out fishing, and got a
fishing hook stuck in his asshole!" The class burst out laughing, and
the teacher, Ms. Innocente, gently chides the boy: "Now, Billy, that's
not the kind of word we use in school. There's a better one: rectum!"
And Billy says, loudly and cheerfully, "Rectum? God damn near killed
'im!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
55. How do you castrate Micheal Jackson? Give him a spiked glove.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
56. How do you kill a blond? Put spikes in her shoulder pads.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
57. A woman puts a singles ad in the newspaper for a submissive man who
can please her. A few days later, her doorbell rings and she comes
across a man with no arms and legs in a wheelchair. "Hello," The man
says. "I'm here for that add in last week's paper." The woman looks at
him funny and asks: "Will you be submissive?" The man smiles and says:
"Lady, I'll do what ever you say." "Ok, but can you please me. You
don't have any arms or legs." He flashes her a sly grin. "How do you
think I rang the door bell."
Submitted: Sailor Earth
58. What did Bevis and Butt-head think about last week's presidental
address? They hated it, there wasn't enough Gore.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
59. What's the square root of 69? 8 Something.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
60. Q: Why was the blond fired from the m&m factory? A: She kept throwing
out all the w's.
Submitted: Stile(phaze_adept@hotmail.com)
61. Q:How do you save a lawyer from drowning? A: Take your foot off his
head.
Submitted: Stile(phaze_adept@hotmail.com)
62. Q:How do you drown a blond? A:Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the
bottem of a swimming pool.
Submitted: Stile(phaze_adept@hotmail.com)
63. Q: How does a blond interpet 6.9? A: A 69 interupted by a period.
Submitted: Stile(phaze_adept@hotmail.com)
64. ABCD puppies?
Submitted: Alphamaniac
65. L,MNO puppies!
Submitted: Alphamaniac
66. OSAR puppies;
Submitted: Alphamaniac
67. CMP?
Submitted: Alphamaniac
68. Overheard in a Swedish restaurant: FUNEX?
Submitted: Jinxster(read.it.carefully!)
69. SVFX.
Submitted: Jinxster(read.it.carefully!)
70. FUNEM?
Submitted: Jinxster(read.it.carefully!)
71. SVFM.
Submitted: Jinxster(read.it.carefully!)
72. OKLFMNX.
Submitted: Jinxster(read.it.carefully!)
73. How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, they'll screw
anything.
Submitted: Jinxster
74. This kid goes into the confessional and says to the priest, "Father, I
have sinned." The priest asks "Confess your sin and the Lord will
forgive you." The kid says "I threw peanuts into the river." The
priest thinks it's rather a strange confession, but absolves the kid
anyway. Then another kid comes in, confessing to exactly the same
thing. About five kids come in, all confessing to having thrown
peanuts into the river. Then this little kid comes in, soaking wet.
"What happened to you, my son?" asks the surprised priest. The kids
answers "I'm Peanuts."
Submitted: Jinxster
75. How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,
they just sit around all night going "That's alright , dear, don't you
worry about me. I'll just sit here all on my own in the dark. You go
and have fun. Don't worry about me."
Submitted: Jinxster
76. One day, this priest went for a walk, and he came across a little
girl. "Hello little girl, what's your name?" "Rose" she said. "That's
a pretty name", he said, "why are you called that?" "Because when I
was being born, a rose fell on my mummy's tummy." "You are most
blessed, go in peace." He went on his way, and encountered another
little girl. "Hello little girl, what's your name?" "Daisy." "That's a
pretty name, why are you called that?" "Because when I was being born,
a daisy fell on my mummy's tummy." "You are most blessed, go in
peace." The priest goes on a little further, and he encounters this
disabled kid in a wheelchair. "Hello, what's your name?" The kids
answers "Fridge."
Submitted: Jinxster
77. How many Cabinet Ministers does it take to change a lightbulb? One to
deny any responsibility, one to call for a public inquiry, one to
insist they have the support of the party, and one to explain why the
Opposition are worse.
Submitted: Jinxster
78. What do you have with a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand? Not
enough sand.
Submitted: Arrowhead
79. What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the Detroit River? A
good start!
Submitted: Arrowhead
80. Why does Jinxster know so many lawyer jokes? Because she's going to be
one!
Submitted: Arrowhead
81. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He worked it out with a
pencil!
Submitted: Arrowhead
82. A kangaroo hops into a bar, and orders a beer. The barkeep draws him a
pint, hands him the beer, and says, "That'll be ten dollars. You know,
we don't get too many kangaroos in here." The kangaroo, looking
extremely ticked off, says, "No, and at these prices I doubt you'll
see many more, either!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
83. How many Tories (British *or* Canadian) does it take to change a
lightbulb? None; when market conditions are right, the bulb will
change itself.
Submitted: Arrowhead
84. Why are all blond jokes one liners? So men can understand them!
Submitted: Bogey(pissed@blondjokes)
85. 91-Why are blonds always lost in thought? It's unfamiliar territory!
Submitted: Mad Max
86. What do you get if you turn three blonds upside down? Two brunettes
and a redhead.
Submitted: Mad Max
87. Three girls were traveling through the desert when their car stalled.
The brunette took the seats out. The blond asked why. She answered "I
want something to sleep on." The redhead took the roof. The blond
asked why. The redhead answered "So I can have shade." The blond got
this big happy grin and took the door. The brunette and redhead asked
why. The blond giggled. "So I can roll down the window if I get hot,
silly!"
Submitted: Mad Max
88. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a blond? A divorce
attorney.
Submitted: Mad Max
89. GENERIC STUPID JOKE, THEN GENERIC COMMENT ABOUT AWM AND MAD MAX BEING
ONE PERSON.
Submitted: GENERIC TOP-N USER
90. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill
up his ass.
Submitted: anonymous
91. What does a lawyer use for birth-control? His personality.
Submitted: anonymous
92. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
Submitted: anonymous
93. What's the definition of a lawyer? A mouth with a life support system
Submitted: anonymous
94. A doctor, an architect and a lawyer were arguing about who came first.
The doctor said that he removed Adam's rib, therefore he was first.
The architect said he created the Garden of Eden, therefore he was
first. The lawyer said "I have you all beat. Before creation there was
chaos, and only a lawyer could create that.
Submitted: anonymous
95. Son: "Mommy, Mommy, what's a nymphomaniac?" Mother: Shut up and help
me get grandma off the doorknob.
Submitted: anonymous
96. daughter: "Mommy, mommy, why don't I have a big thing like daddy's
between my legs?" Mother: "Don't worry dear, you will when you're
older."
Submitted: anonymous
97. Heaven and Hell actually just have a tall fence between them. One day,
God is out taking a stroll, and he finds the fence knocked down. The
devil shows up and they start arguing about who is responsible and
should fix it. Finally, God, exasperated, well, I guess I'll just have
to see a lawyer! To this the devil replies: Just where do you think
YOU can get a LAWYER?
Submitted: mmm...
98. What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head? -- Doug.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
99. What do you call a guy without a shovel in his head? -- Douglas.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
100. What's green and goes red at the press of a button? -- Kermit the frog
in a blender.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
101. #86: That's not true! I'm not going to be a lawyer! I did apply to be
one but they said I was too honest.
Submitted: Jinxster
102. What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer? One is a
blood-sucking parasite who spreads disease and suffering, and the
other is an insect.
Submitted: Jinxster
103. These three strings walk into a bar. Behind the bar is this sign
saying 'No Strings Allowed'. The first string goes up to the bar and
asks the landlord for a beer. The landlord looks at it carefully and
says "Are you a string?" The string shamefully admits it, and gets
thrown out. The second string goes up to the bar, orders a beer and
gets the same treatment. The third string sees this happening to his
friends and has a brainwave. He quickly ducks outside, ties himself in
a knot and returns. He goes up to the bar and orders a beer. The
landlord asks suspiciously "Are you a string?" "No," replies the
quick-thinking string, "I'm a frayed knot."
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
104. Once there was a man flying in an aeroplane. It was hot.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
105. Fortunately the door was open.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
106. Unfortunately, he fell out.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
107. Fortunately, there was a haystack beneath him.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
108. Unfortunately, there was a pitchfork in the haystack.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
109. Fortunately, he missed the pitchfork.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
110. Unfortunately, he missed the haystack!
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
111. Mummy, mummy, what's a cannibal? Shut up and get back in the oven.
Submitted: Jinxster(they.don't.get.any.better)
112. What's the difference between a corpse and a Top-N regular? The corpse
once had a life.
Submitted: Jinxster
113. How many Top-N regulars does it take to change a lightbulb? None, the
light from the monitor is all they need.
Submitted: Jinxster
114. What do you call a guy in a pile of leaves? Russel.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
115. What do you call the same guy, Six months later? Pete.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
116. What do you call a guy in the lake? Bob.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
117. What do you call a guy in a ditch? Phil.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
118. What do you call a guy outside the door? Matt.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
119. What do you call a guy hanging on the wall? Art.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
120. What do you call his arms and legs? Pieces of Art.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
121. What if he doesn't have a tongue? Art.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
122. What do you call two guys with no arms or legs in the water? Swimming
trunks.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
123. What do you call a guy with no feet? Neil.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
124. What do you call a guy in your mailbox? Bill.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
125. What do you call a guy who has been left in the sun for a few days
with no water? Wilt.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
126. What do you call a guy in a hot tub? Stu.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
127. What do you call a guy on your barbecue grill? Frank.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
128. What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
129. What do you call a Japanese woman with the same ailment? Irene.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
130. What do you call a couple who run a butcher shop? Chuck and Patty.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
131. What do you call a guy when you throw him across a pond? Skip.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
132. What do you call a guy with no arms, legs, or pelvis? Chester.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
133. What do you call a guy who is going over a fence? Homer.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
134. What do you call a guy who's in your girlfriend's lingerie drawer?
Teddy.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
135. What do you call a guy that everyone always takes a dump on? John.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
136. What do you call a guy who holds up your car? Jack. (Or maybe a
carjacker.)
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
137. What do you call a guy that you use to loosen hex screws? Allen.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
138. What do you call two guys nailed to your spice rack? Herb and Basil.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
139. What do you call two women who are hanging from your chandelier?
Crystal and Tifany.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
140. What do you call a guy who is upside down in the end zone? Spike.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
141. What do you call a guy who is hanging from a chain destroying
buildings? Rex.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
142. What do you call a guy with two arms and two legs who floats in the
water? Christopher Reeve. (Hit me later)
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
143. What do you call a guy stuck in the wall? Brad.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
144. What do you call a guy in a coffee cup? Joe.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
145. What do you call a guy on a poker table? Chip.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
146. What do you call a guy who is throwing up? Chuck.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
147. What do you call a guy who is getting trampled on by a bunch of
basketball players? Jim.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
148. What do you call twin boys hanging over the window? Curt 'N Rod.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
149. What do you call a guy who has been thrown against the wall? Mark.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
150. What do you call a skinny guy who is standing on a stage? Mike.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
151. What do you call a guy with Parkinson's disease who is shaving? Nick.
(Or possibly Mohammad Ali)
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
152. What do you call a guy who is holding a chain? Link.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
153. What do you call a guy with one leg? Tip.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
154. What do you call a guy with no kneecaps? Neil. (I did that one before,
I know)
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
155. What do you call a congressman with one leg and no kneecaps? Tip
O'Neil
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
156. What do you call a guy with no arms, no chest, no pelvis, 4/5 of one
foot missing, andthe bottom half of the other leg gone? Tony.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
157. What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a stream? Eddie.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
158. What do you call a deer with no eye? No I'deer.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
159. What do you call a deer with no eye and no legs? Still No I'Deer
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
160. Thank you, thank you, I have another show tonight.
Submitted: Just Me(Uh oh, subtlety. Brace yourself.)
161. #131 - Woops, that should be Tasteless Art.
Submitted: Just Me
162. Rubbish jokes? Why not visit the all-new DangerMansion at
http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/8821/index.html to see a
load more. This week: Ugly Drummers!
Submitted: Dangerman
163. 96-Generic confusion, generic sarcasm, BRAND NAME FLAME!!!
Submitted: Mad Max
164. Whats orange and sounds like a parrot??....A carrot
Submitted: Chris Robin(See me on TV...Touching evil, 9pm Tuesday ITV)
165. Whats white and cant climb trees??..... A fridge
Submitted: Chris Robin(See me on TV...Touching evil, 9pm Tuesday ITV)
166. What do you call a nun on a bike??.... A cyclist
Submitted: Chris Robin(See me on TV...Touching evil, 9pm Tuesday ITV)
167. Whats green and comes out of your nose at 100MPH ??.... A lamborgreeny
Submitted: Chris Robin(See me on TV...Touching evil, 9pm Tuesday ITV)
168. What's red, white, and blue and goes around and around? Smurfs in a
blender.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
169. Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a chicken. So how long has this been going
on? Three days. Why didn't you tell me sooner. Well, the eggs were
really good.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
170. Why did Bevis and Butt-head get kicked out of current events class?
They thought the women's movement was when a chick goes to the
bathroom.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
171. Why did the cat cross the road? To eat the chicken on the otherside.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
172. Following the lines of 181: Why did Timm cross the road? To eat the
beef on the other side.
Submitted: Stile(phaze_adept@hotmail.com)
173. #129-131: So what do you call a guy whose dad's hanging on the wall?
Pop Art.
Submitted: Dangerman(funnier than an autopsy)
174. what has four wheels and flys? a garbage truck! (rubbish jokes, get
it)
Submitted: ChAoS
175. Why is the starship enterprize like a piece of toilet paper? they both
go around uranus to wipe out klingons.
Submitted: ChAoS
176. What do you call it when medieval society resists the borg? the futile
system
Submitted: ChAoS
177. What snack does homer simpson eats when he's upset. D'Oh nuts.
Submitted: ChAoS
178. What's the difference between a fish and a piano? You can tune a piano
but you can't tune a fish.
Submitted: ChAoS
179. A cow with just two left legs: LEAN BEEF
Submitted: mmm...
180. A cow with no legs: GROUND BEEF
Submitted: mmm...
181. #110: Took me a while, but I finally got it (too many night shifts);
do you know if it was green XNM??
Submitted: Arrowhead
182. 184-Chaos, please try to keep your personalities away from me.
Submitted: Mad Max
183. Two guys walk into the unemployment office, looking for work. "Do you
have any work experience?", the counsellor asked them. "Yes" one
replied "I make pantyhose, and my buddy here is a deisel fitter!" The
counsellor looks confused and asks, "What is a deisel fitter?" The
first guy explains that it is the last step of the pantyhose making
process, the second guy nods and pulls a pair of pantyhose on. Once he
has them on he proudly proclaims "Yep, These'll fit 'er"!
Submitted: Da' Muffin Man(Dreary.Lane@nursery.rhymes)
184. What did the two tampons say to each other as they passed each other
on the street. Nothing - they were both stuck up cunts.
Submitted: syrup
185. Why do blondes like tilt steering? More head room.
Submitted: syrup
186. So I walked into this mirror shop and I said to the assistant "I want
a mirror, you lanky gormless moron." and the assistant said "No sir,
I'm over here."
Submitted: Dangerman(stealing from the best of them)
187. I went up to this woman in the airport and said "Cockadoodle-dooo!"
and she said "No sir, this is the CHECK-in desk."
Submitted: Dangerman(stealing from the best of them)
188. Two piles of vomit walk past a pub, and one starts crying. The other
one asks whats wrong, and he says "This is where I was brought up"
Submitted: Dangerman(stealing from the best of them)
189. how many sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? one.
she holds the light bulb while the world revolves around her
Submitted: angrywhitemale
190. why do brunettes tell blonde jokes? so they have something to do on a
friday night
Submitted: angrywhitemale
191. a black guy, a puerto rican and a mexican are in a car, who's driving?
the police
Submitted: angrywhitemale
192. an airplane takes a nose dive and is going to crash. a woman passenger
takes her clothes off and says "who will make me feel like a woman,
one last time." a man takes his clothes off and says "here, i want
these washed, dried, and ironed, WOMAN!"
Submitted: angrywhitemale
193. What's more confused than confused? A blind lesbian in a fish store.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
194. What's grosser than gross? Sitting on your grandpa's knee and raiseing
six inches.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
195. Why did Bevis and Butt-head get kicked out of sunday school? They kept
asking "Where's the garden with all the naked people?"
Submitted: Sailor Earth
196. What do you call a hippie who doesn't use birth control? Daddy.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
197. How did 18 rednecks get injured? Their bed broke.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
198. How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the head [or his
mother, depending on what day of the week it is.]
Submitted: Psych 101(laputaloca@aecom.yu.edu)
199. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One
is made of plastic and is a danger to children and the other one holds
your groceries.
Submitted: Psych 101(laputaloca@aecom.yu.edu)
200. Did you know Oprah Winfrey was arrested at the airport for drug
smuggling?
Submitted: Burrito
201. The customs guy looked up her dress and saw 40 pounds of crack.
Submitted: Burrito
202. How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only
one. He holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.
Submitted: Psych 101(bored2death@home.sick)
203. A kid comes home from church and asks his father"Is god black or
white?". The father says"He is both". This confused the little boy so
he asked,"Daddy, is God Male or Female?". The father replied,"He is
both". THis confused the kid even further, so he sked"Is God gay, or
straight?", and his father said"He is both. Then the little boy beamed
up to his dad and asked"Is God Micheal Jackson?"
Submitted: FunEGuy
204. A mother and her son were flying "Southwest Airlines" from Kansas to
Chicago. The son (who had been looking out his window) turned to his
mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby
cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?" The mother (who
couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the stewardess. So
the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big
cats have baby cats, then why don't big planes have baby planes?" The
stewardess asks "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said
that she had. So she said "Tell your mother that Southwest always
pulls out on time."
Submitted: anonymous
205. Why do elephants paint their testicles red? So they can hide in cherry
trees.
Submitted: Dangerman
206. What's the loudest thing in the jungle? Short-sighted monkeys eating
cherries.
Submitted: Dangerman
207. A smalltown lawyer aspires to power. Satan comes to him & says "I'll
make you the wealthiest, most powerful & most feared lawyer ever. All
it will cost is the souls of your wife, your children, & your mother."
And the lawyer says "So what's the catch?"
Submitted: CyberDog(@CyberGod)
208. A horse walks into a bar, the barman says 'Why the long face?' (It's
one of my brother's favourite jokes, I promise.)
Submitted: Jinxster
209. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
At the funeral there is one less drunk. (Gleaned from my current
boyfriend. He has another one about a chicken, but perhaps I won't
tell you that one.)
Submitted: Jinxster
210. Why is Oasis's third album taking so long to come out? They can't
decide whether to call it 'Sergeant Pepper' or 'Abbey Road'.
Submitted: Jinxster
211. So I went to the Army and Navy store and said to the man 'I bought
this camouflage jacket last week, but it looks too big on me' and he
replied 'Who said that?'
Submitted: Dangerman
212. (Alternatively) "Have you got any camouflage jackets?" "Yes, but we
can't find them."
Submitted: Dangerman
213. Three guys die and go to heaven. The first goes up to St. Peter who
says, "I have only one question before you go into heaven: Were you
faithful to your wife?" The guy answers, "Yes, I've never even looked
at another women." St.Peter says, "See that Rolls-Royce over there?
That's your car to drive while you're in heaven." The second guy gets
the same question, and answers, "Once I strayed, but I confessed to my
wife and she forgave me and we worked it out." St. Peter says, "See
that new Buick over there, that's your car to use in heaven." The
third guy answers the same question, "I have to admit, I've chased
every girl I saw, and was with a lot of women." St. Peter says, "Okay,
but you were basically a good guy, so that old VW Bug over there is
yours to use while you're in heaven. The three guys go off on their
separate ways. A few weeks later, guy #2 and guy #3 are driving along
when they see guy #1's Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop
and go into the bar and find guy #1 with empty bottles all around him,
face down with his face in is hands on the bar. They come up to him
and guy #2 says, "Bud, what could possibly be so bad you're in heaven,
you drive a Rolls Royce, and everything is great!" He says, "I saw my
wife today!" The other two answer, "That's great! What's the problem?"
He answers, "She was riding a skateboard!"
Submitted: knob(@take.my.wife.please)
214. Bert and Flo met in a night club one night and danced the night away.
They hit it off pretty well and soon Bert suggested they go to his
apartment for some extracurricular activity. Well it wasn't long
before they found themselves in bed making passionate love. As they
were making love though, Bert noticed something strange. Flo's toes
would curl up as during every lovemaking session.When they were done,
They laid back on the bed and relaxed against the pillows, Bert, being
impressed with himself said, "I must have been pretty good tonight. I
noticed your toes curling up every time we made love. Flo looked at
him and smiled. "That usually happens when someone forgets to remove
my pantyhose."
Submitted: knob(@take.my.wife.please)
215. One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are
seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under
way. The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane,
and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both
appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into
passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the
co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge
sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it
must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the
engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the
runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness,
whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the
stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating
rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and
as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the
voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the
airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden
change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at
the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne. Up in the
cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the
Captain: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to
scream, and we're gonna get killed!
Submitted: knob(@take.my.wife.please)
216. It's after dinner when John realizes he's out of cigarettes. He
decides to pop down to the local bar for a pack, telling his wife
he'll be right back. The bartender offers him a cold beer on the house
and he decides he has time for just one. He's nursing it when a
gorgeous blond comes in the door, but he looks the other way. She
comes right over to him and sits down. One thing leads to another and
she ends up inviting him back to her apartment. Back at her place they
go at it like llamas in heat. The next thing John knows is that it's
four o'clock in the morning. Jumping out of bed, he shakes the girl
awake and asks if she has any baby powder. "Yeah, in the bathroom
cabinet," she says still half asleep. He dusts his hands, drives home
at ninety miles per hour, and pulls into the driveway to find his wife
waiting up for him and looking none too pleased. "So WHERE have you
been?" she screams. "Well, you see honey," John stammers, "I only went
out for cigarettes, but Jake offered me a beer and then this beautiful
blonde walked in and we got to talking and drinking and she invited me
back to her place..." "Wait a minute," snapped his wife. "Let me see
your hands," as she eyed the whiteness of his fingertips. Turning on
him furiously, she says, "Don't you EVER try lying to me again, you
rotten little twit...you've been bowling again!"
Submitted: knob(@take.my.wife.please)
217. A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car
trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room
for two to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn. "No problem",
spoke the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I
am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening. "With that he
departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments
later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there
stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?", asked the farmer. He
replied, "I am grateful to you , but I can't sleep in the barn. There
is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes
late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, "What's
wrong, now?, the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am
grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in
my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"
Well, that leaves only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and
complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another
knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the
door, and there stood the pig and the cow.........
Submitted: knob(@take.my.wife.please)
218. What's the significance of the number 17? It's the average IQ of
Reform voters.
Submitted: Arrowhead
219. How many Reform voters does it take to change a lightbulb? Three; one
to bring the shotgun, one to bring the whiskey, and one to turn on the
light switch because the bulb wasn't burned out in the first place.
Submitted: Arrowhead
220. Paddy and Murphy are walking across the road and Murphy gets run over
Murphy says to paddy "cal me an ambulance" paddy then says to murphy
"ambulance ambulance hey ambulance"
Submitted: Chris Robin
221. Two queer Judges the Love Tunnel tried; both then declared "It's the
best", and cried.
Submitted: Kursen Mad Duck
222. a 3-legged, west virginian hound dog walks into a bar and says: "OK
which one of you shot my paw"
Submitted: angrywhitemale
223. a german lady gets jumped by 12 men wanting to rape her. on the
ground, she screams out "nein, nein, nein" so three of the guys leave
Submitted: angrywhitemale
224. what's the difference between kinky and perverted? kinky is using a
feather, perverted is using the whole chicken
Submitted: angrywhitemale
225. why'd the faggot cross the road? he was buttfucking the chicken
Submitted: angrywhitemale
226. a guy walks into a bar and puts a small midget and a piano up on the
table. the bartender says "hey man, that's cool. where'd you get him?"
the guy goes, "i don't know, i asked this genie over there for a wish
and he gave it me" the bartend then asks the
Submitted: angrywhitemale
227. genie for a wish. "i want a million bucks," says the bartender. the
genie says "what" "i want a million bucks" the guy says to the
bartender that the genie is hard of hearing. the bartender repeats
himself and the genie nods
Submitted: angrywhitemale
228. a little while later the bartender comes back to find all of these
ducks walking around, quacking. "what the hell is this" the genie goes
"you wanted a million ducks, i gave you a million ducks" the bartender
says "no, no, no, i did not want this." the gu
Submitted: angrywhitemale
229. y says to him "what do you think i wanted this 14 inch pianist?"
Submitted: angrywhitemale
230. What do you call the useless skin around a penis? A man.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
231. What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a
dollar-sixty-five and deer nuts are under a buck.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
232. How do you keep a moron in suspence? I'll tell you tomarrow.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
233. How do you get a one-armed p***** out of a tree? Wave to him.
Submitted: mmm
234. What's a pervert's favorite thing to eat? Cum'quats.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
235. Legal question: A West Virginia couple gets divorced. Are they still
brother and sister?
Submitted: Mister Johnnie(@I.B.D.Law.com)
236. One night this koala was sitting in a bar having a few drinks. He sees
a prostitute walk in and thinks "Hey, I haven't been with a woman for
a long time". He decides he needs a woman, so he gets the prostitute
to come to a hotel room. The next morning, after a long night of hot
sex, the koala goes down on her one more time. He is about to leave
when the prostitute says "Where's my money?" The koala thinks about
this for a while and shrugs. The prostitute pulls a dictionary out of
her purse and flips to the definition of prostitute. It says "someone
who has sex for money". The koala understands and then flips to the
definition of koala. It says "eats bush and leaves".
Submitted: Me(?@?)
237. What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter - he still
won't come.
Submitted: Jamie Beu(jcb20544@pegasus.cc.ucf.edu)
238. What do you do with a dog with no legs? Take him for a drag.
Submitted: Jamie Beu(jcb20544@pegasus.cc.ucf.edu)
239. What's brown and full of holes? Swiss sh*t.
Submitted: Jamie Beu(jcb20544@pegasus.cc.ucf.edu)
240. Why did Micky divorce Minnie? She was fucking goofy.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
241. Did you hear about the Newfie terrorist who was sent out to blow up a
car and burned his lips on the tailpipe?
Submitted: Arrowhead
242. ....and then he rode away on his inflateable Clydesdale?
Submitted: Gdjerki Kastrioti
243. I was asking a man for directions, and he said 'You see that building
over there?' I said 'That's not a building, that's a cloud.' and he
said 'No, down a bit.'
Submitted: Dangerman(Back after a rejuvenating joke-nicking holiday)
244. Why did the blonde have bruises all around her navel. ------ Her
boyfriend was blonde too.
Submitted: knob(chucklin'@my.wit.ha)
245. There's this priest walking along the road, and he sees this old man
tending to his garden. He says to him "You and the Lord have done a
fine job, George!" George turns to him and replies "Aye, Father, but
you should have seen it when the Lord had it to himself!"
Submitted: Lone Star
246. A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "Why the long face?" (I'm
scraping the bottom of the barrel here.)
Submitted: Lone Star
247. Why do blonds like underwear? It keeps their ankles warm.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
248. Hear about the Irish abortion clinic? The one with the twelve-month
waiting period?
Submitted: The Showman(the KING of Irish jokes)
249. Q: An Englishman and an Irishman decided to jump off a tall building.
Which one was killed? A: The Englishman. He died, and the Irishman got
lost.
Submitted: The Showman(the KING of Irish jokes)
250. How do you take a condom off an elephant? A: Take the C out of Cat and
the F out of way... There's no F in way.... Exactly.
Submitted: Stile
251. A young Italian couple, freshly married, are talking to their priest.
"We'd like to have kids" says she. "But we're both virgins and we have
no idea how" says he. The priest, uncomfortable, replies "put your
long thing in her hairy place, and you shall have children." A month
later, the priest sees the man and asks how their attempts are going.
"Not well," says the man, "and I put my nose in her armpit five times
a day!"
Submitted: BigGulp
252. What's grosser than gross:
Submitted: Bytch
253. Falling of the Empire State Building and landing on a bicycle without
a seat?
Submitted: Bytch
254. or falling off the same building, but your eyelid gets caught on a
nail?
Submitted: Bytch
255. I went to a dyslexic rave at the weekend. Lots of people there taking
F.
Submitted: Dangerman
256. One bloke injected a heron. Mark, start the car...
Submitted: Dangerman
257. Why doesn't Santa Claus have any children? Because he only comes once
a year, and when he does, he comes down the chimney.
Submitted: Steven
258. Hey everybody! I hear Meatloaf's going to star in a film which
features a scene where he has to chase a greasy pig (*FACT!*) Meatloaf
and an ugly fat greasy sweaty pig... Who needs a punchline?
Submitted: Dangerman
259. Bought my little nephew a 400W lightbulb for his first birthday. You
should have seen his face light up.
Submitted: Dangerman(fleeced from my mate Dan)
260. "I don't know jokes, I just watch the government and report the
facts."
Submitted: Will Rogers
261. You insult thie IRISH????How DARE YOU.The true Irish are the leaders
of the world, as was your father and as is your mother.You,my
friend,are simply a Bronx-bred Irish WANNABE!!![Spice Girls
reference,in case you didn't notice]
Submitted: Banshee
262. The above was directed at #s 248 & 249.
Submitted: Banshee
263. There was this quiet, conservative man who happened to own a parrot.
Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would
swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird's
foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too
much. The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard, and
yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he would start
swearing even more. The guy finally got fed up and said, "Awrght then"
and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the
parrot who contined to claw and scratch the cabinet while he cursed
even louder than before with a stream of curses that would make a
sailor flinch. At that point the guy became so mad that he threw the
parrot. For the first few seconds the bird swore at the top of his
lungs.He kicked and clawed and thrashed all about the place.Then it
suddenly became VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited, but then he
started to think that the bird might be hurt. After a couple of
minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened the freezer
door. The bird calmly climbed on the man's out-stretched arm and said,
"Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to
improve my vocabulary from now on. "The man was astounded. He couldn't
understand the transformation that had come over the parrot. Then the
parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
Submitted: knob(chucklin'@my.wit)
264. Speaking of parrots, a sailor once owned a parrot who he tried to
teach to speak, but no matter what method he'd use (patience, bribery,
threats etc.), the only thing the parrot would ever say was, "How's
yer ass? How's yer ass?" Now, this sailor, even though he was mightily
disappointed in his pet's limited vocabulary, was a kind-hearted soul,
so he took the parrot everywhere he went. One day, he and the parrot
were aboard the sailor's ship, when they heard a mighty explosion, and
the boat began to sink rapidly. The sailor grabbed the parrot, went on
deck and dived into the water just before the ship went down. After
several hours clinging to debris, waiting fruitlessly for rescue, and
listening to a non-stop tirade of "How's yer ass?" from his avian
companion, finally the sailor could take no more. He glared at the
bird and roared at him, "AWW, SHUT UP!!". The parrot responded
immediately: "Mine too! Must be the salt water!"
Submitted: Arrowhead
265. An elderly priest invited a young priest over for dinner. During the
meal, the young priest couldn't help noticing how attractive and
shapely the housekeeper was. Over the course of the evening he started
to wonder if there was more between the elderly priest and the
housekeeper than met the eye. Reading the young priest's thoughts, the
elderly priest volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I
assure you, my relationship with my housekeeper is purely
professional. About a week later the housekeeper came to the elderly
priest and said, "Father, ever since the young Father came to dinner,
I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't
suppose he took it do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it, but
I'll write him a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
"Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my
house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the
fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here."
Several days later the elderly priest received a letter from the young
priest which read: "Dear Father, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep
with your housekeeper, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with
your housekeeper. But the fact remains that if you were sleeping in
your own bed, you would have found the gravy ladle by now."
Submitted: knob(chucklin'@my.wit)
266. Our story begins at the Olympics, specifically the wrestling event. It
is narrowed down to the Russian or the American for the gold medal.
Before the final match, the American wrestler's trainer came to him
and said, "Now don't forget all the research we've done on this
Russian. He's never lost a match because of this "pretzel" hold he
has. Whatever you do, don't let him get you in this hold! If he does,
you're finished!" The wrestler nodded in agreement. The match began:
The American and the Russian circled each other several times looking
for an opening. All of a sudden the Russian lunged forward, grabbing
the American and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold! A sigh
of disappointment went up from the crowd, and the trainer buried his
face in his hands for he knew all was lost. He couldn't watch.
Suddenly there was a scream and a cheer from the crowd, and the
trainer raised his eye just in time to see the Russian flying up in
the air. The Russian's back hit the mat with a thud and the American
weakly collapsed on top of him, getting the pin and winning the match.
The trainer was astounded! When he finally got the American wrestler
alone, he asks, "How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has
ever done it before!" The wrestler answered, "Well, I was ready to
give up when he got me in that hold, but at the last moment, I opened
my eyes and saw this pair of balls right in front of my face. I
figured that I had nothing to lose, so with my last ounce of strength
I stretched out my neck and bit those babies just as hard as I could.
You'd be amazed how strong you get when you bite your own balls!"
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
267. A couple, aged 65 and 67, went to the doctor's office. The Doctor
asked them, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us
have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked confused but agreed. When
the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with
the way you have intercourse." And he charged them $20.00. This
happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave. Finally the doctor asked,
"Please explain, just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The
old man responded, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's
married and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to
my house. The Sheraton Hotel charges $82.00 and the Hilton Hotel
charges $77.00. We do it here for $20.00 and I get $18.00 back from
the insurance company.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
268. Jack be nimble, Jack be quick; Jack jumped over the
candlestick...GREAT BALLS O' FIRE!!!
Submitted: Arrowhead
269. A young man from the country has been ordained a priest and assigned
to the big city. Walking about town to get familiar with the city, he
wandered into the bad part of town. He was surprised by a scantally
clad lass who leaned out of a door way and asked
Submitted: BigGulp
270. What type of meat do priests eat? Nun.
Submitted: BigGulp
271. What do Boy Scouts like to snack on? Brownies.
Submitted: BigGulp
272. What do you call a girl able to suck a golf ball through a garden
hose? Darling.
Submitted: BigGulp
273. A young man from the country has been ordained a priest and assigned
to the big city. Walking about town to get familiar with the city, he
wandered into the bad part of town. He was surprised by a scantally
clad lass who leaned out of a door way and asked
Submitted: BigGulp
274. "Do you want a blow job father?" Nervous and unsure what a "blow job"
was, he fled back to the church. There he asked the first person he
knew, a nun, "What's a blow Job?" She replied "Ten bucks, like any
place else."
Submitted: BigGulp
275.
Submitted: BigGulp
276.
Submitted: BigGulp
277. Sorry about that...
Submitted: BigGulp
278. That's quite alright.
Submitted: Dangerman
279. How many Dixon's shop assistants does it take to change a lightbulb?
Erm, none, it's meant to go out, it's a, er, design feature. Yes, a
design feature. That's it.
Submitted: Dangerman
280. How many members of Ocean Colour Scene does it take to change a
lightbulb? Two, one to change it and one to check with Paul Weller
that it's Ok first.
Submitted: Dangerman
281. I'm crap at this to be honest.
Submitted: Dangerman
282. How did the lesbian girl scout get a stomachache? She ate all the
brownies.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
283. Mommy, why is daddy running around the street like that? Shut-up and
help me reload.
Submitted: Sailor Earth
284. Billy-Joe-John-Bob goes out a-huntin' one day, and suddenly he spots a
gorgeous, stark naked woman leaning seductively against a tree. Well,
Billy-Joe-John-Bob ain't too stupid, y'see, so he smiles, winks at
her, and asks, "Are you game?". The lady blows a kiss back at him, and
answers in a husky voice, "I sure am, big boy!". So he shoots her.
Submitted: Arrowhead
285. Man goes into a Tattooists and says "Could you tattoo a £50 note on my
penis?" Tattooist asks why, and he says "So that my wife can blow
fifty quid without leaving the house."
Submitted: Dangerman
286. A priest had these two praying parrots that would help him say Mass
every Sunday. One old lady in the congregation found this so
impressive, that she decided that she'd go out and buy a parrot of her
own and teach it to pray, too. So she went out and got a parrot. But
when she got it home, all it would say is "I'm the whore of Babylon,
I'm the whore of Babylon!" The old lady became upset and decided to go
to the priest for help. The priest told her that he'd put her parrot
on the altar with his two that Sunday and see if they could teach her
to pray. So that Sunday, the old lady's parrot got on the altar and
began yelling "I'm the whore of Babylon, I'm the whore of Babylon!"
The priest's two parrots looked at each other and one finally said,
"Hey, Joe, I think our prayers have been answered."
Submitted: The Showman(ha,ha,ha,ha,ha)
287. Guess what? Chickenbutt!
Submitted: The Showman(ha,ha,ha,ha,ha)
288. Why do bikers wear leather? Chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragon.dominatrix.com)
289. How many homosexuals does it take to change a lightbulb? Never mind
the lightbulb, what about the lampshade?
Submitted: McGoohan
290. What do Mike Tyson and Freddie Mercury have in common? They both took
a pounding in the ring...
Submitted: PsychoBaby(I'm back! I've moved! rob@logtek.co.za)
291. This guy comes home from work and finds his girlfriend is packing all
her stuff up in a suitcase. He askes, "What are you doing?" She
answers, "I'm leaving you. Everyone says you're a pedophile." The guy
says, "My, my. That's an awfully big word for a 10 year old like you
to be using."
Submitted: Just Me
292. This penguin is driving his car through town when it starts making a
funny noise. He keeps driving until he finds a mechanic's shop in
town. The mechanic comes out and looks at it and says, "Well, I'll see
what I can do, but it'll be about a 2 hour wait." The penguin tells
the mechanic he'll be back in two hours. He decides to kill the time
by going to the grocery store. He walks back to the freezer section
and jumps in because the cold air reminds him of home. He makes his
way over to the ice cream, opens up three boxes of vanilla ice cream,
and starts rolling around in it. After a while he looks at his watch,
and the two hours are up. He has to go back to the mechanic's, but
he's covered in patches of vanilla ice cream. He doesn't have time to
clean up, so he just goes back to pick up the car. When he gets to the
shop, the mechanic comes out and says, "Well, it looks like you blew a
seal." The penguin looks at himself, blushes, and says, "Oh no, that's
just ice cream."
Submitted: Just Me
293. What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Marv Albert? Marv Albert
only bites girls.
Submitted: Just Me
294. President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an
administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets
was to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked
out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was
told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem
and correct the error. The next day, the Pope was called in and the
devil said good-bye as the Pontiff went off to heaven. On his way up,
he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stop to chat. Pope:
Sorry about the mix up. President Clinton: No problem. Pope: Well, I'm
really excited about going to heaven. President Clinton: Why's that?
Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary. President
Clinton: You're a day late.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
295. A Vietnam veteran with a lame leg sees another guy coming toward him
in the street who is also dragging his leg. When the men meet, the
veteran points to his bad leg and says, "'Nam. 1967. How about you?"
THe other man replied, "Dog shit, one block back."
Submitted: The SHowman
296. So two owls are playing Pool. One commits a foul, and the other one
says "Bad luck. Two hits." And the other owl says "Two hits to who?"
Submitted: Dangerman
297. What is Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy.
Submitted: Psych 101
298. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her? They put her in a round room
and tell her that there's a pennyin the corner.
Submitted: Psych 101
299. How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She answered the iron.
Submitted: Psych 101
300. How did she burn the other side? They called back.
Submitted: Psych 101
301. Why is Helen Keller's leg wet? Apparently, her dog is blind, too.
Submitted: Psych 101
302. The eminent acting teacher was telling his students about the worst
actress he had ever seen. She couldn't find work until she married a
rich producer who included her in all of his shows. One of his plays
was the stage adaptation of The Diary of Anne Frank, where her
portrayal of Anne was so wretched that when the Gestapo came to take
her away, the few people who were left in the audience stood up as one
and shouted, "She's in the attic!"
Submitted: Cornyholio
303. You know, as soon as Rigel gets back, this list is going to hit four
figures in no time...
Submitted: Dangerman
304. did you hear about the special fishing lure that is supposed to
attract homosexual fish? its called queer bait
Submitted: anonymous
305. Why do bulldogs have flat faces? They chase parked cars.
Submitted: ChAoS
306. What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny
blonde? One's a phony buck. (I only heard this on a canonacal list;
please don't flame me! Besides, my girlfriend's a blonde.)
Submitted: The Mongoose
307. A kid sucked his thumb a lot. His mom said, "Only fat people suck
their thumbs." When they went to a supermarket, the kid said to a
preagnant woman, "I know what you've been doing."
Submitted: The Mongoose
308. Bill and Marla had a small apartment in the city and they decided that
the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their
ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony
and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young
boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him
for an hour or so. The boy began his commentary as his parents put
their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking
lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding
a new bike and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in
bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is
standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
309. Three nuns were driving to church in a car. Suddenly the driver ran
off the cliff and all three nuns died. When they got up to heaven,
they were surprised to see St. Peter greeting people at the gate. The
nuns got at the end of the line. Every once in a while, people from
the very front of the line would walk back and leave. This made the
nuns curious. Finally, about two hours later, they reached the gate.
The first nun asked St. Peter why people would leave. "Well", said St.
Peter, "heaven is getting really full and to enter, you must answer a
question correctly" "Ok. What is my question then", asked the first
nun. "Who was the first man on earth?" "Oh, that is easy," said the
nun, "Adam was the first man on earth." "Very good, you may now go on
to heaven" "OK Peter, what is my question?" said the next nun. "Who
was the first woman on earth?" "Eve was the first woman on earth" she
said. "OK, are you ready for you question?" St. Peter asked the third
nun. "Yes I am" she replied. "What was the first thing Eve said to
Adam?" "That is a hard one" the third nun replied. "You may now go on
to heaven" St. Peter replied.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
310. A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing
happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the
$100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the
Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President
was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary
to send the little boy a $5 bill. President Clinton thought this would
appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.The little boy was
delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the
Lord, which read: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the
money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it
through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95. Love,
Tommy
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
311. A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above
the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his
rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it
and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70,
80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy
figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The
police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He
leans down and says "listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I
just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The
man thought for a moment and said..."Three weeks ago my wife ran off
with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror,
I thought you were that officer and you were trying to give her back
to me!" The officer let him go.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
312. For decades, two statues, one male and one female, faced each other in
a city park. One day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such
exemplary statues, " he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you
a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty
minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of
his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached
each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which
shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of
branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the
bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more
minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely
the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only
this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
313. Little hydrogen atom: "Mommy, Mommy, I've lost my electron!" Mother:
"There, there, how do you KNOW you've lost your electron?" Little
hydrogen atom: "I'm Positive!"
Submitted: plagarist mmm...
314. An 80 year old couple were celebrating their 50th anniversary. The old
woman said that she was tired of her husband because he never wanted
to have sex, so she was going to go get a 20 year old male stripper
for the night. This made the old man upset so he told his wife that he
was going to get a 20 year old female stripper for the night. So the
old woman laughed and laughed at the old man. He wanted to know why
she was laughing. She told him that 20 goes into 80 better than 80
goes into 20.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
315. How many Teletubbies does it take to change a lightbulb? Four: One to
change it, one to change it again, one to change it again, and one to
change it again.
Submitted: Dangerman(The Campaign for the Re-instatement of
Tinky-Winky)
316. How many teamster does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 20. You gotta
problem with that?
Submitted: Hoffa
317. Jennie Sue ran into the living room shouting "Mommy, mommy, I just set
the garage on fire!" Her mother replied, "Just wait until your father
hears about this!" Jenny Sue laughed and laughed, because her father
was in the garage.
Submitted: Caffeine Junkie(After nearly a year, I have returned.)
318. Jenny Sue was reading a book when her father camein, snatched the
book, and flung it across the room. Jenny Sue laughed and laughed,
because she knew what page she was on.
Submitted: Caffeine Junkie(After nearly a year, I have returned.)
319. Okay one more. What's so tragic about four Southern Baptists going
over a cliff in a car? The car seats five.
Submitted: Caffeine Junkie(After nearly a year, I have returned.)
320. What do you call a fish with four eyes? A fiiiish.
Submitted: Dangerman(keeping the list alive with utter crap)
321. #320, Don't you mean utter carp?
Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragon.dominatrix.com)
322. 'Mommy, Mommy, I don't want to visit Grandma!" "Shut up and keep
digging!"
Submitted: Island Girl
323. How do you make a Kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it!
Submitted: Island Girl
324. Q: What's the difference between boogers and spinach? A: Kids don't
eat spinach.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
325. #321: Am I herring you right, was that a bad fish pun? Yippeee!!
You're playing my tuna! So there is a Cod! Allow me to follow, hot on
your eels...
Submitted: Dangerman
326. Q: What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and John Elway? A: One
drives a slow, white Bronco. The other *is* a slow, white Bronco.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
327. Q: Did you hear about Hertz's new billboard? A: It's a picture of O.J.
Simpson with a caption, "Hertz: For Great Getaways!"
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
328. A new Ford Bronco is being marketed to replace the Eddie Bauer model.
It is the O.J. model. It comes with storage for your knives and bloody
gloves, stain-resistant carpeting,extra fuel capacity for those long
trips and a cellular phone. Takes you for the drive of a lifetime.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
329. Q: Why won't prison be that different for O.J.? A: He will still have
big guys opening holes for him.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
330. You know why you wrap a hamster in duct tape? So it won't explode when
you butt f**k it!
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
331. Why does the bride wear white? So the dishwasher matches the fridge
and stove!!
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
332. Do you know how Mr. and Mrs. Pinnochio made love on their wedding
night? She sat on his face while he told lies!
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
333. Q: What algorithm did Intel use in the Pentium's floating point
divider? A: "Life is like a box of chocolates."
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
334. Q: What does a man get if he sticks his penis in a dirty can of coke?
A: Burpies
Submitted: Alaacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
335. Q: What's grey and comes in quarts? A: Elephants
Submitted: Alaacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
336. Q: How did the idiot lose $50 on a game? A: $25 on the play. $25 on
the instant replay.
Submitted: Alaacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
337. JOE: "How many birds are in a flock?" SAM: "Dunno" JOE: "How many bees
are in a hive?" SAM: "Dunno" JOE: "How many lives does a cat have?"
SAM: "Nine" JOE: "For a guy that doesn't know anything about the birds
and the bees, you sure know a lot about pussy.
Submitted: Alaacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
338. Q: What do Irish men kill on hunting trips? A: Bottles of whiskey
Submitted: Alaacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
339. Q: How do you pick up a valujet stewardess? A: With a net
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
340. Q: What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? A: Fill
his water bed with gasoline.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
341. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
342. Q:Did you hear about Johnny Cochrane's new children's game?? A: It's
called "Pin the Glove on the Honkey"
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
343. Q: What do you call OJ, Magic Johnson, and Mike Tyson in a room
together?? A: The butcher, the laker, and the license plate maker.
Submitted: Alacorn(@Crimson.Hellkite's.side)
344. There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which
one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of
them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with
the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the
works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty
for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and
bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and
gives them to the man. She says,"I bought these gifts for you with the
money because I love you so much." The third one takes the $5000 and
invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the
$5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the
rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man
thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and
decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
345. A group of young businessmen were chatting at the bar, and one decides
to share his recent embarrassment with the others. He tells them that
he was booking a plane ticket to Pittsburgh, but he was so preoccupied
with the beautiful breasts of the girl behind the counter, that
instead of saying"I'd like a ticket to Pittsburgh, he said, "I'd like
a picket to Titsburg"! An older guy nearby hears the story and says,
"you know, I had a similar experience with my wife this morning. We
were sitting at the breakfast table, and I meant to say, "Darling,
could you please pass the butter"...but what came out was, "you bitch,
you're ruining my goddamn life!"
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
346. A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
the bartender inquires. "6 shots." "Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th
on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the
taste, nothing will."
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
347. A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next to
an absolutely gorgeous woman. They exchange brief hellos and he
notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her
about it and she replies: "This is a very interesting book about
sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the
longest average penis, and Polish men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill, what's yours?" He coolly
replies, "Tonto Kowalski, nice to meet you."
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
348. One night as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his
wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over
and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, dejected, turns over
and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps
his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a
dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
349. Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a
number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into
the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex
therapist to talk about this self-destructive behaviour, but Bill
indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the
compulsion on his own. One day, a few weeks later, Bill came home
absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was
seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?", she asked. "Do you remember
that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into
the pickle slicer?" "Oh Bill, you didn't?" "Yes I did.'" "My God Bill,
what happened?" "I got fired." "No, I mean what happened with the
pickle slicer?" "Oh, ...she got fired too."
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
350. A man is visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma
for several years. On this visit he decides to rub her left breast
instead of just talking to her. On doing this, she lets out a sigh.
The man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a good sign and
suggests he should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any
reaction. The man goes in and rubs her right breast and this brings a
moan from his wife. He rushes out and tells the doctor. The doctor
says this is amazing, and is a real break through. The doctor then
suggests the man should go back in and try oral sex. The man goes in
and then comes out about 5 minutes later, white as a sheet, and tells
the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what happened, to which
the man replies, "She choked."
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
351. A guy from Tyson Foods (America's frozen chicken conglomerate),
arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he
whispers, "Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The
Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread....' to 'give us
this day our daily chicken....' we will donate $500 million dollars to
the Church". The Pope responds saying, "That is impossible. The Prayer
is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed". The Tyson man
smiles, and then says, "We are prepared to donate $1billion to the
Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our
daily bread....' to 'give us this day our daily chicken...." Again the
Pope replies, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord
and it must not be changed". Finally, the Tyson guy says, "This is our
last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the Church if you change the
Lord's Prayer from 'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this
day our daily chicken...." and he leaves. Next day the Pope meets with
the College of Cardinals to say that he has good news and bad news.
"The good news is that the Church has come into $5 billion", says the
Pope, "The bad news is that we are losing the Wonder Bread Account".
Submitted: knob(knobby@take.my.wife.please)
352. This kid walks into a bakery, and asks for a loaf of bread. The guy
behind the counter asks, "Would you like white or brown bread?" The
kid replies, "It doesn't matter. I rode my bike."
Submitted: Lucien(surreal.is.my.middle/name)
353. This guy was filling up his car with petrol. He drowned.
Submitted: Lucien(surreal.is.my.middle/name)
354. This other guy was filling up the petrol tank of his car with petrol.
He lit up a cigarette, and accidentally set himself alight. When the
police arrived, he was arrested for possession of illegal fire-arms.
Submitted: Lucien(surreal.is.my.middle/name)
355. Why is a duck? Because one of its legs is both the same.
Submitted: Lucien(surreal.is.my.middle/name)
356. Proposal: Elvis is Boris Yeltsin. Have you ever seen them in the same
room together??!!
Submitted: Lucien(surreal.is.my.middle/name)
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