Top-N Signs your cat may be trying to kill you
(drumroll, please...)
1. Keeps trying to toss you electrical appliances while you're in the
shower.
Submitted: Flowerchild
2. #23 - We'll never be that fortunate
Submitted: Just Me
3. You find a firearms permit laying in a desk drawer with your cat's
name on it.
Submitted: Just Me
4. The cat goes to Tae-Kwan-Do classes every Tuesday and Thursday
Submitted: Just Me
5. He joins the National Guard and learns to drive armored tank vehicles
Submitted: Just Me
6. Seems mighty chummy with the dog all of a sudden
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
7. Unexplained calls to F. Lee Baileys 900 number on your bill.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
8. You find a stash of "Feline of Fortune" magazines behind the couch.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
9. Cyanide pawprints all over the house.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
10. You wake to find a birds head in your bed.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
11. As the wind blows over the grassy knoll in downtown Dallas, you get a
faint whiff of catnip.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
12. Droppings in the litterbox spell out "REDRUM."
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
13. takes attentive notes everytime "Itchy and Scratchy" are on.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
14. You find the blueprints for a Rube Goldberg device that starts with a
mouse chased into a hole and ends with flaming oil dumped on your bed.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
15. has taken a sudden interest in the wood chipper
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
16. Instead of dead birds, leaves cartons of Marlboros on your doorstep.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
17. ball of yarn playfully tied in a hangmans noose.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
18. You find a piece of paper labeled "MY WIL" that reads "LEEV AWL 2
KAT."
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
19. Now sharpens claws on your cars brakelines.
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
20. The cat has been giving you that look ever since you posted replies to
"TOP-N WAYS TO SKIN A CAT."
Submitted: ChAoS(jj@monadnock.keene.edu)
21. Extremely high velocity hairballs seen flying across the room and
embedding themselves in the wall, right beside your head.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
22. Box of rat poison in the fridge, labeled "Fud".
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
23. You find a very large mousetrap, with a wheel of cheese attached,
sitting in your bedroom doorway.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
24. Large rental truck filled with fertilizer parked out in front of the
house with muddy paw prints leading off down the street.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
25. Cat's been wearing kitty-sized Bruno Magli shoes for the past week.
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
26. Easy, it's a cat! They're all the spawn of Satan. Out to get us, they
are. Nip these evil creatures in the bud now, before it's too late.
They fetch a good price in my local Kebab King, if you're interested.
Submitted: Dangerman
27. "Mr. President! Socks is a Japanese assassin robot! (shots heard) MR.
PRESIDENT!! Dear God, he's been SHOT!! FIND THAT CAT!!!!"
Submitted: Lord Kalhoun I
28. It's attempting to sever your Jugular Vein
Submitted: ASickMind
29. Phone calls for Frisky asking if the house is still up for sale.
Submitted: BigGulp
30. Inexpictedly your white tee-shirts have been died into bulls-eyes.
Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca)
31. Inexpictedly your white tee-shirts have been died into bulls-eyes.
Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca)
32. In the worning you wake up in your Jewish neighbourhood to find a
painted Swastika and a trail of paw print's.
Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca)
33. It starts laughing suddenly as you examine your life insurance with
Norwige Union.
Submitted: tufft(zyoung@wcl.on.ca)
34. Bills from Acme for explosives
Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth)
35. Sleep deprivation - it wakes you up in the middle of the night wanting
attention, *every night*.
Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth)
36. A trail of kitty litter from the house to your car...and around the
hood release.
Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth)
37. You are no longer finding fur ball's but fur trip wire's and fur
snares dotted aroung the house.
Submitted: Chris Robin
38. your sure you didn't leave all you knifes in your bed
Submitted: Chris Robin
39. Passport and airline tickets hidden under scratching post.
Submitted: MMM
40. You find your bullet proof vest with a dead mouse wrapped in it
Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department)
41. She just sits and *stares* at you all day, with those calculating
green eyes...
Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department)
42. He keeps looking at you with that weird, disgusted, mouth-half-opened
expression ("Flehmen reaction") he gets sometimes
Submitted: CTI (Feline Duplicity Department)
43. He stabs you three times in the chest, once in the neck.
Submitted: AAZ(was@here)
44. Signed up for martial arts classes, able to stick cat food lids in
walls/ceiling.
Submitted: MMM
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Last updated: Sun 13 Apr 97 10:54:06
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