Top-N Ways to tick off your Flying instructor
(drumroll, please...)
1. Wear a parachute
Submitted: MMM
2. Wear a nun's habit
Submitted: MMM
3. Wear a propellor beanie cap
Submitted: MMM
4. Make engine noises with your lips when preflighting the propellor.
Submitted: MMM
5. Refuse to go more than gliding distance away from the airport.
Submitted: MMM
6. Keep shouting "mayday, mayday!" over the radio.
Submitted: BigGulp
7. Jump outta the plane with a bungee cord attached.
Submitted: BigGulp
8. Kick him outta the plane, shouting "man overboard!"
Submitted: BigGulp
9. Buzz the tower, fast.
Submitted: BigGulp
10. Keep the plane upside down as long as possible.
Submitted: BigGulp
11. Refuse to take off because you're scared of heights.
Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum)
12. Play chicken with Air Force fighter jets.
Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum)
13. Insist on sitting outside because you're claustrophobic.
Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum)
14. Keep asking "How do we launch the nukes?"
Submitted: PsychoBaby(rubber.room@the.asylum)
15. Crash.
Submitted: anonymous
16. Buzz a nude beach and scream, "Hooters at 7 O'clock!!! Hooters at 7
O'clock!!! "
Submitted: anonymous
17. Keep flying upwards for a few hours.
Submitted: Relian Kru(what?)
18. Keep saying: "Houston, we have a problem!"
Submitted: Relian Kru(what?)
19. Play the violin.
Submitted: Relian Kru(what?)
20. Keep referring to the plane as "This old X-Wing".
Submitted: Relian Kru(what?)
21. Fly through barns and other buildings.
Submitted: Relian Kru(what?)
22. Spill your Pepsi all over the controls.
Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51)
23. Sing depressing psalms.
Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51)
24. Ask the instructor if you can beam up some of your friends.
Submitted: Night Flier(alien@area51)
25. Fly under the Golden Gate or Tacoma Narrows bridge.
Submitted: MMM
26. Fly under the Lake Washington or Hood Canal (floating) bridge.
Submitted: MMM
27. Turn a hamster family loose behind the seats.
Submitted: MmM
28. Bring your pet boa along.
Submitted: MmM
29. Barf in his/her flight helmet.
Submitted: MmM
30. "Forecasts? Forecasts? We don' need no steenkin' forecasts!"
Submitted: The Met. Tech. from Hell
31. just say OOPS! fairly often...
Submitted: hunky dory(dawbie@hotmail.com)
32. "What's this do again?" "That's the yoke. You move it, and the plane
moves too" "Really? Cool!". Then push it all the way forward
Submitted: Just Me
33. Demand that you be allowed to land it yourself, on your first lesson
Submitted: Just Me
34. Taxi along the ground before take-off, and retract the landing gear.
Submitted: Just Me
35. If you're female and he's male, tell him you have PMS. Then do an
absolutely perfect landing.
Submitted: Pandora n'ha Karen(@Darkover)
36. Try to land upside down.
Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com)
37. Land on the street near the airport and claim that you thought it was
the runway.
Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com)
38. Pull up next to another plane on the tarmac and chalenge him to a race
down the runway.
Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com)
39. When landing play chicken with someone taking off or vice versa.
Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com)
40. Mention in casual conversation as you are flying that your wife just
left you, your dog died, you lost your job, they are forclosing on
your house, the phone company shut off service and you can no longer
post to Top-N, and you have no reson to live. Then ask him witch way
is down.
Submitted: M. Shadow(midnightshadow@hotmail.com)
41. Radio the control tower. "This is ValueJet flight 592, we're currently
flying over the Florida everglades at 20,000 feet and... what's this?
Smoke in the cockpit?"
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
42. Strap yourself to the top of the airplane. Claim that 'This is how the
Wright brothers did it!'
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
43. After takeoff, giggle often and keep asking 'Are we getting high yet?'
Submitted: Tec42(lost@c)
44. Buzz their house... extra point are awarded for taking off tiles
Submitted: The Other(Looking@you)
45. Plogh the nearest field with your wing tips
Submitted: The Other(Looking@you)
46. "Look, Ma, no hands!"
Submitted: Dive-bomber Dave(DD@www.not_yet_dead.com)
47. "Look, Ma, no altitude!"
Submitted: Dive-bomber Dave(DD@www.not_yet_dead.com)
48. Insist on flying to Colombia to pick up a package.
Submitted: Demonspawn(@a.little.bit.o.hell.on.earth)
49. Fly through "Beggar's Canyon back home".
Submitted: the TRIAD
50. Fly down the Death Star trench.
Submitted: the TRIAD
51. Fly into the center of a Death Star.
Submitted: the TRIAD
52. Bestiality.
Submitted: the TRIAD
53. Cruise around in the Bermuda Triangle.
Submitted: MMM
54. Look at the controls.Turn to your instructor and ask how you take it
out of neutral.
Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor)
55. Fly up to 10000 feet,grab a parachute and jump out the window.
Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor)
56. Sing any Abba song LOUDLY.
Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor)
57. Halfway through the lesson,lean back in the seat and start reading a
comic.
Submitted: Wolfie (wolf@yourdoor)
58. Pour Liquid Schwartz in the aux. fuel tank.
Submitted: The Impostor
59. Fly out to sea and try to land on an Aircraft Carrier
Submitted: Wookie 1
60. Take flight and soar majestically without need of his pitiful plane!
Submitted: Dragonlady(@dragons.den.com)
61. Crash
Submitted: Klingon Barf
62. BACKH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted: Klingon Barf
63. Pretend to lose a contact lens just before landing the plane.
Submitted: Flowerchild
64. Cut a fart and blame it on him.
Submitted: Hoffa (cougars@mail.net)
65. Replace his/her control stick with a soft rubber bat.
Submitted: MMM
66. Cover their microphone with bubble gum.
Submitted: MMM
67. Act disgusted, take over control of aircraft while they are trying to
talk.
Submitted: MMM
68. Fly through clouds without instruments, landing lights on.
Submitted: MMM
69. Tense up whenever they take over control.
Submitted: MMM
70. Look Ma, no gas!
Submitted: Flowerchild
71. Clutch a parachute to your chest during the entire flight.
Submitted: Flowerchild
72. Pull out a pair of binoculars and claim that you can see his wife from
there.
Submitted: Flowerchild
73. Claim that the cabin's getting stuffy, and ask if you can open the
windows.
Submitted: Flowerchild
74. When taking off, say "Think happy thoughts, Peter Pan!"
Submitted: Flowerchild
75. GENERIC WITTY ENTRY
Submitted: GENERIC TOP-N USER
76. Wind up the altimeter.
Submitted: MMM
77. Set the clock to local pressure in millibars.
Submitted: MMM
78. Kick the fires and light the tires.
Submitted: MMM
79. Leave the wings folded up for takeoff.
Submitted: MMM
80. Walk/run into the pitot tube.
Submitted: mmm
81. Stick the pitot tube into a live Redwood tree.
Submitted: mmm
82. Try to emulate Jonathan Livingston Seagull on your first solo.
Submitted: mmm
83. Simulate a carrier landing in a tennis court.
Submitted: MMM(?)
84. re-enact any scenes from the X-files
Submitted: ChAoS
85. Set the transponder to "7777"
Submitted: Arrowhead
86. When renting the plane for your lesson, ask if you can get collision
coverage.
Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur
87. Taxi through the McDonald's drive-through and order a Happy Meal
Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur
88. All through the flight, vacuum the instruments, seats, roof, windows,
instructor etc. with a Dust-Buster.
Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur
89. Ask him how you can reconfigure the sub-space tachyon field dispersal
array to pick up Howard Stern's show.
Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur
90. Chase birds.
Submitted: Captain Victor Oveur
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This list started by MMM()
Last updated: Sun 13 Apr 97 10:23:40
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