things to do with a 900 foot penis
* 1. hang yourself
krista -- krista@is.cool
* 2. have a car run over it
krista -- krista@is.cool
* 3. tyi it to a plane
krista -- krista@is.cool
* 4. bunji jumping
krista -- krista@is.cool
* 5. wap people with it
krista -- krista@is.cool
* 6. Make a japanese animé about it.
Reedman -- Somewhere in Portland, Roegon
* 7. Destroy tokyo with lazer cum.
Reedman -- Somewhere in Portland, Roegon
* 8. Start a band. Call it MC 900 Foot Penis.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 9. Slice it thin and make sandwiches.
DragonLady -- @dragon.dominatrix.com
* 10. Name it King Dong.
DragonLady -- @dragon.dominatrix.com
* 11. A 900 foot penis? Cool! I'd love one of those. This
big one gets in the way sometimes.
Dangerman -- 900 foot nose
* 12. Join the your local fire fighters as a spare hose.
The Rat -- hole@the.wall
* 13. Bobitt.
The Rat -- hole@the.wall
* 14. Get a circumcision to cut off your 250 foot forskin
(you can get a hell of an infection with 250 feet worth).
The Rat -- hole@the.wall
* 15. DON'T wear a kilt.
The Rat -- hole@the.wall
* 16. Porn. They'd love ya.
The Rat -- hole@the.wall
* 17. Marry a BIG woman.
--
* 18. Have your ego busted by a guy with a 1000 foot penis.
--
* 19. Hey, the penis mighter than the sword.
--
* 20. (Okay, so that was a bit lame, but I had to do it...)
--
* 21. Just pray that you never get an erection.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 22. Penis reduction surgery
Jinxster --
* 23. The impromptu backstreet version of the above.
Jinxster --
* 24. Long-distance relationships need never be a problem
again...
Jinxster --
* 25. Watch Louie "Middle Finger" Mazzella drool as he
imagines eating two 137 pound testicles.
Sammy the Bull -- sammy@gotti.schmotti.com
* 26. Start selling Bobbit brand hot dogs.
Mrrov -- eat@joe's
* 27. skip
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 28. swing on it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 29. trip people with it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 30. play baseball
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 31. water your lawn with it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 32. Win every race you're in... by a head.
Tec42 -- lost@c
* 33. Most people prefer to keep their feet and their
genitals seperate.
ChAoS --
* 34. #33. Yeah, with all those feet it'd look something
like a centipede.
Crawler --
* 35. Hey.... reminds me of the classic "Godzilla penis
argument" presented so long ago.... oh how I miss the old
top-n.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 36. Throw on a little spackle and some pink flamingo lawn
ornaments, ship it to florida, and charge the geriatrics
two bits a gander.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 37. Give it to Janet Reno. I don't know why, but the idea
of sending a colossal wang to that crusty old man strikes
a chord deep within my soul. Oh... Where's my poetry
notebook?
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 38. Paint a huge Dr. Zhivago mural on it and send it to
your 11th grade english teacher.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 39. Imbed it in the earth, and claim to have constructed a
horrific new tower of babel. Force the world to concede to
your demands, lest you send a fiery white rain of
destruction down upon their cities.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub! --
* 40. Why would anyone want a 90x model of my penis?
The Eternal -- No one can know
* 41. #25- Watch Sammy the Bull suffer from major penis
envy.
louie "The Castrato" Mazzella --
louie@dont.fuck.with.me.com
* 42. Shit, Sammy, do you have any idea how satisfied you
could make your mamma if you had a 900-foot penis?
louie "The Castrato" Mazzella --
louie@dont.fuck.with.me.com
* 43. Excuse yourself, Sammy. Louie's nickname is just an
alias. He DOES in fact have a 900 foot penis. And I think
you're the one who wants to suck his balls.
SweetiePie --
* 44. Louie, what do you do with yours?
SweetiePie --
* 45. #44. Well, at about 9 o'clock every night, i un-strap
it, curl up with it, and go to sleep.
louie "The Castrato" Mazzella --
* 46. Eff the Grand Canyon with it.
Euell Gibbons -- @many.parts.are.edible.com
* 47. #45- Listen you impostor, you might think no one knows
who you are, but I do, and I also know where you live, and
considering the fact you just...well...you *attempted* to
insult me (didn't do too good a job, but you're an ass, so
what can I expect?) that's not a good combination. Expect
to receive a little...how can I say this?...a little
*present* sometime soon. I'll keep it a secret, but I
think you know it's not something you'd ask for.
Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@watch.your.ass.com
* 48. Oh, and SweetiePie...whoever you are...thanks and
right back at ya!
Louie "The Castrato" Mazzella -- louie@watch.your.ass.com
* 49. Oh, Louie, stop messing with me. You know me. Hell, I
even saw your tattoo!
SweetiePie -- I'm sweeter than sugar and I taste better
too!
* 50. #34. Centi-peter actually.
ChAoS --
* 51. #50. I thought it would be a centi-penis.
Crawler -- What is half horse half man and has 100 legs? A
centaurpede.
* 52. #40 - I think you left out a few zeros there,
Eternal...
Just Me --
* 53. Collapse from lack of blood flow to the brain.
Just Me --
* 54. Use it to irrigate crops in every state in the Midwest
from your home in Hawaii.
Just Me --
* 55. A really big sandwhich
Betty Sue --
* 56. attack an elephant
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 57. have a hard time going to the bathroom
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 58. have a hard time in the shower
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 59. have a hard time buying pants and underwear
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 60. sleep with cartman's mom
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 61. hire people to help you masturbate
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 62. and have a chick on the end screw it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 63. have one hell of a time buying condoms
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 64. put kenny in it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 65. have some fun at the zoo
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 66. dip it in liquid nitrogen
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 67. wrap it around a telephone pole
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 68. have one hell of a time buying condoms
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 69. put kenny in it
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 70. have some fun at the zoo
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 71. dip it in liquid nitrogen
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 72. wrap it around a telephone pole
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 73. go waterskiing
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 74. suck your own dick
Krista -- krista@is.cool
* 75. Get a chick with a 1,200 foot cunt.
Sailor Earth --
* 76. Donate it to Howard Stern.
Sailor Earth --
Started by: krista (krista@is.cool)
Started on: Sun Mar 29 20:29:56 1998
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