Things you'd like to say over the supermarket PA system.
* 1. This is a customer announcement. For the next ten
minutes, everything in the store is free. If you encounter
any problems with the security guards, cricket bats can be
found in aisle 15.
Dangerman --
* 2. *Yaaaawn...* I can't believe these morons are buying this
crap. We really should buy more of our stock from Chernobyl,
it's dirt cheap and doesn't glow too- Ooh, is this thing
switched on?
Dangerman --
* 3. The following is a list of shop assistants in this store
with whom I have had sexual intercourse this week. Cheryl on
meat products. Susan on Cheeses. Melanie on tobacco. Paul on
fruit and veg.
Dangerman --
* 4. I AM GOD! YOU WILL ALL OBEY ME OR FEEL THE MIGHT OF MY
DAMNING FORCE! EVERYBODY.... DROP YOUR TROUSERS.
Dangerman --
* 5. HAHAHA! I DIDN'T SAY 'GOD SAYS'! You're all out.
Dangerman --
* 6. "Get ooorf moi laaaand."
Dangerman --
* 7. EAT BEEF!
--
* 8. 2 words. HANSON SUCKS!!!
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 9. HO HO HO, Green Giant
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 10. Buster Cherry?
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 11. Mike Rotch?
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 12. Mike Hunt?
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 13. For the next 5 minutes there will be a special on
prostitutes in the meat department
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 14. Hi, yea, this is Bill your friendly manager, if you
happen to stumble across my lung you can redeem it for 1%
off your next $300 purchase
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 15. SCROTUM!!!!
The Dark Underlord Biff --
* 16. 5 words. THE DARK UNDERLORD BIFF SUCKS!!!!
some guy --
* 17. I AM THE SACRED MONKEY OF HHUB-OY YABUB! Behold my
simian supremacy! Marvel at my meticulous monkiness! You may
worship me as your new GOD! Now someone get me some diapers,
it's starting to reek up here.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub. --
Sacredmonkeyland@hotmail.com
* 18. Greetings Comrades! It is niegh time that we, the
protelariat liberated these vast reserves of food from the
mouths of the overfed rich. We must take command of their
communications, and strike at the corrupt heart of this
twisted establishment. As I have already taken command of
the communications via this PA, it is now your sacred duty
as workers to raid the checkouts, and return with all
candied plunder to me, the true leader of the communist
faith.
[Image] The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub!© Brand Wind up Lenin
Dolly. -- lenindolly@sacredmonkeyland.com
* 19. Ahem *Ding!* K-mart is now entering deathmatch hour.
Please run as quickly as you can to the sporting goods
section and grab a firearm. Open season has been declared.
Campers will be shot on sight. Medkits can be found in the
pharmacy section. Please refrain from escape attempts as the
doors have been sealed. Fresh gibs will be served in the
K-Cafe as soon as a winner has been declared.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub.© Brand Quake(R)
Division. "Gibbity goodness until you vomit pork ribblets
and jolt all over the new rug" --
Sacredmonkeyland@hotmail.com
* 20. Attention K-Mart shoppers! This is your store manager
speaking. I would like to take this moment to reinforce the
K-mart policy statement that NO harmful biohazardous
materials have been released into your enviornment. Repeat,
there HAS NOT been a spill of deadly microorganisms in the
K-Cafe. Please be advised that K-mart IN NO WAY encourages
or condones the testing of the ebola virus on it's
customers. While the K-Cafe is now off-limits to consumers,
there has NOT been a release of potentially fatal virii.
Please note the Biohazard trucks outside are stationed there
for your saftey, and are merely conducting routine health
inspections. Unfortunately exit from K-mart at this juncture
will result in instantaneous, fiery death, although I
contend that this is due to an automatic door malfunction
and NOT because of CDC flamethrower troops. Unfortunately,
K-Mart requests that you remain here overnight, citing the
Microdisclaimer enscribed in the K-mart Welcome© mats. There
is a blue light special in the respirator section of
pharmacy, save up to 50% if you get there within 6 minutes.
I apologize for my inability to make this announcement in
person, but K-Mart policy dictates that I remain in the
airtight office area. Thank you for your patience, and as
always, we hope you enjoy your stay at Tunnel Road K-mart.
The Sacred Monkey of Hhub-oy yabub© brand K-mart overnight
stocker. -- Imreallygonnadothissomenight@stockman.com
* 21. My butt hurts.
--
* 22. GeNeRiC WiTtY EnTrY
GeNeRiC ChAoTiC UsEr --
* 23. Attention K-Mart Shoppers... We have a blue light
special in the blow job department..
Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep
* 24. OK???? WHO FARTED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep
* 25. You all suck!
Grandpa Moses -- tending the sheep
* 26. Oh yeah? Well I have the microphone, so YOU WILL LISTEN
TO EVERY WORD I HAVE TO SAY!
Dingo "Wedding Singer" Floyd -- docbrown@geocities.com
* 27. Will the redhead "lady" wearing the Sewer District #5
baseball cap making obscene gestures and grimaces on the
women's toilet video monitor please finish up and flush
their baby?
Mad Duck --
* 28. Will the ?lady? at register #5 with wet purple sneakers
and baseball cap please retrieve her property and unplug the
toilet in back?
Duck, she's going to swing at you! --
* 29. Will the lady with the assorted farkels in her shopping
cart please pick up her purse?
SmElymouse --
Started by: Dangerman ()
Started on: Thu Jul 23 17:55:07 1998
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