We have received a historical report from an anonymous source claiming to be retired personnel from the M.O.D. and also double agents for the Libyan Chicken Farmer’s Mafia. The report is dated 1985, and appears to be an official report from within the M.O.D. An M.O.D. spokesman we talked to claimed that this was impossible because secret documents of this type are carefully accounted for and almost impossible to forge. Interesting language use here from the M.O.D. We always thought that almost impossible means possible, though perhaps notwithstanding effort. Besides, British passports can be and often are successfully forged, and we thought they were supposed to be secure.
Apparently, the Chicken Farmers control most of Libya – it is said that Colonel Gadaffi himself was once the most rich and powerful Chicken Farmer in the land.
At a time when this was so, the British Government had an idea about a novel way of making good diplomatic connections with Libya with a view to defusing a potential terrorism threat from the forces of Gadaffi himself. According to the report, the M.O.D attempted to provide Colonel Gadaffi with a strong and sustained market for his chicken output. This would involve the M.O.D. compulsorily purchasing all the Kentucky Fried Chicken outlets in the UK and selling them to the Colonel at a heavily discounted rate. The Colonel agreed if he could impose a condition of his own, that being to be allowed to change the name of the outlets he would own to Libyan Fried Chicken, and put a photograph of himself onto all LFC signs and food packaging. The M.O.D. apparently refused to allow this, but were nearly convinced by the Colonel’s argument against this.
Gadaffi claimed “People only go into KFC when they are either very drunk or stoned, so they won’t notice the name change, and if they do, they won’t care.”
The M.O.D. admitted that this was a valid argument and even agreed that the market share of KFC in the fast food industry was substantial although perhaps not quite in the same league as the likes of McDonalds or Burger King.
However, the deal was called off because the Government refused to allow this reasoning to be used in a public campaign or press release.