To whom I dont know but Love

For My Mom

When will you come?
to hold my little hand?
to guid me and smile?
to be there when  I die?
Oh mother, I need you,
here with me, to be your child.
I feel locked out, a piece of me dead,
I hear your voice in my dreams
and feel your hand on my breast.

Dear mother, do you hear my cries?
You gave me away, but you were never
forgotten.
Dear mother how I love you, I
I feel lost without you.
Yet I dont know you.
Dear mother I need you, I want you
I feel so lonely and hurt.
Dear mother, why did you give me away?

I know it was better for the two of us but
this isnt a family where Im at,
this isnt a life.

Dear mother, I need you
to hold my hand
to ride beside me on that horse,
to paint and laugh and watch dad.

Dear mother,
I love you.

I was adopted 21 years ago, and never have I forgotten who gave birth to me.
One day I will find her, the one that I hold so high.  
I dont blame her for giving me up, it was the choice she had to make,
She had me too young, just as I had mine..  My choice was death though.  Perhaps
I was wrong for doing that.
God I hurt.   My soul almost hurts, I cant even think about her without tears comming to my eyes.  
I love this woman, I have never met.

Back to my home