Great Quotes from Tony

Let's face it. During his stint on "Whose Line is it Anyway?", Tony delivered some PRICELESS lines. Hereare a few examples:

"I've split my pants!!!!!! Look!!!!!!" (During a round of "Film Trailer, Tony had the misfortune of splitting his pants. For the record, he was wearing white underwear!)
"Where's the crew? I don't know. It's a mystery!" (In a round of Film and Theatre styles, the style of Medieval Mystery Play was suggested, and this was Tony's interpretation of the genre)
"Don't go on about my size...you look like 2 aspirins on an ironing board!" (from a game where they fill in the faces on a painting...The subject was a couple on their honeymoon, and Caroline Quentin had just commented on the teeny weeny size of "Tony's" appendage.)
"Yes...let's look under "M" for Multiple, shall we, Sandi?" (During a round of Film & Theatre, the style suggested is "Yellow Pages Ad". Tony and Sandi are discussing orgasms.)
"This island is getting to my sense of linguistics!"
(In a perky voice) "Come on, everyone, don't get depressed because we're 8000 feet under...(SINGS) "We're in the long big metal pointy thing...we're going down the river..." (The world's worst person to captain a submarine)
"Queer...I am...never mind..." (Alphabet, a chat up with Sandi Toskvig)
"Aaah! Venereal Disease!" (see above!)
"I haven't been to the bathroom in 4 months!" (The worst person to be trapped on a desert island with)
"My mustache is bigger than yours!" (Steve Frost is making "Melodramatic" "Mustache type gestures..." Tony makes even bigger gestures as he says this line (i guess it was funnier to watch...)
"No! Jeremy Beadle. Jump! (PBHLT noise) HA!" (A round of props...Tony was pretending to rescue Jeremy Beadle from a burning building, then whipped the trampoline thing away)
"Ooh, I'm terribly nervous. I've never held a come as Michael Jackson party before!" (Grabs crotch and makes Michael Jackson noises, then turns and stares at Clive) (Party Quirks)
"This Party's crap!" (After guessing his first guest right away)
"What about the secret microchip that's in your pocket?" (During helping Hands, trying to get Steve Steen to put his hands in Jim Sweeney's pockets)
"Let me adjust the horizontal hold on that shirt!" (making fun of Josie's sweater)
Here's a priceless dialogue between Tony and Josie!

The game: Emotion Options

The setting : A laundromat.

Josie (looking at Tony's mimed underpants)- "Oh, that's a funny tan colour"

Tony- That's not the colour of me underpants...I've just had a bit of an accident."

(Clive tells them to change the mood to GREEDILY. Tony talks about wanting everything, then says:

Tony - I want my underwear! I'm going to eat them! (Tony mimes gobbling the underwear. Then Clive buzzes, and suggests Pity.)

Josie - You're pathetic, aren't you!

Tony - That's not pity, it's INSULT!...Pity me, for I've just eaten my underwear in a public place..."

Josie - "Pity pity pity!"

"It's Andrew Lloyd Webber! EW!" (During props, he takes this big white thing that looks like a bag and tosses it over Jim Sweeney's head)
"That's right...and my side of the audience go...GOB GOB GOB GOB..." (Film and theatre styles...Pantomine)
"I'm sorry I've been so long, I was having my bikini line waxed!" (Superheroes)
"I'll try to cool it down, then...(loud breaking wind noise)" (As flatulence man trying to solve the problem of Global Warming)
"Carry on then...MAAAAAAAAAAH (sheep noise) Ssht...be quiet!" (The world's worst person to take confession)
"On to more serious business, we've got a charity appeal which is to try and raise money for more hair for Clive Anderson..." (Reading the closing credits as a youth presenter)
"I'll have ALL of you!!!!! (very camp)" (Scenes from a hat...Robin Hood selecting his Merry Men)
"It's the stewardess from Hell! Where's my crucifix?!" (Film & Theatre styles on a plane...HORROR)
"If you do shift a big amount of ballast, make sure it's away from your partner's face..." (authors as Dr. Alex Comfort, author of the Joy of Sex)
"We are going to rule this country, not through economic policy, but through DANCE!!!!" (the world's worst person to be prime minister)
"OoooooOOOOOOOOOOh" (very camp with hands on hips (He does this a lot...))
"I'm not playing anymore" (When he figured out that Rory Bremner came to the party as Tony in Party Quirks. He started to sulk something rotten!)
"WELL F**K OFF THEN!!!!" (To Clive, after a particularly challenging round of Party Quirks)
"Very unusual...that's my tactic! I'll baffle them!" (Responding to Jim Sweeney's accusation that Tony has an unusual grasp of the alphabet in Alphabet)
"Me first!" (VERY camp) (Scenes from a hat...the pecking order for fruit)
"Alright, I'm not a natural brunette!" (In props, holding a piece of white fun-fur over his crotch)
"I'm going to murder you, simply because you're Father Smurf" (To Jim, whose holding the same piece of fun-fur as if it were a beard) in Props)
"Hello, and welcome to the not terribly convincing torture chamber...GET DOWN!!!!!" (Whipping Jim with that piece of fun fur)
"Yes...do you want your entire family to smell of Haddock? I'm sorry, a bird's dumped on my hear as well...but back to the product. I feel Haddock gel is...You turn it on...It's new You comb it into your hair, dirt and dandruff just fly away. Yes, that Haddock smell lingers. For instance, we took these liquids, one from an unknown passer by, and the other one from the sea. What's the difference? One smells of a dirty old man, and the other smells of FISH!!!!!!!!! and so does this man's hair. And that's (sniffs) MMMMMMMMMMMMM! HADDOCK!!!!!" (Film dubbing over an old ad)
"I hear there's a marvelous trick that you do, which is putting a whole brie in your mouth!!!!" (To Ryan in helping hands...he later asked him to repeat the Brie trick!!!!!)
"Hello, here's the engine!" (Scenes from a hat...Worrying things to be given on a plane)
"I name this child Satan. STAN! STAN!" (Scenes from a hat: Faux pas at a christening)
"I was inserting myself in this badger. I'm afraid I won't be a terribly useful witness as I saw nothing." (Courtroom)
"Oh did you? You've got a warped bald head!" (To Clive, after Clive makes fun of him in Press Conference for not figuring that he was the first man to make love in space)
"And over there on the plains we can ... they're shagging! They're shagging!" (World's Worst clip from a nature documentary.)
"Working very carefully over a period of years, Patricia the tiger is now perfectly tame. (roar)Argh! (holds up missing hand)(World's Worst clip from a nature documentary.)
"One of the best things you can do, of course, to these charming chihuahuas is to set fire to them."(World's Worst clip from a nature documentary.)
"Oh, shut your face!" (Tony to Clive, after Clive teases Tony for stopping playing after Rory comes to the party as Tony)
"I just want to watch this for a while"( Party Quirks, as Colin is running around as All 7 Dwarves)
"What a horrible suit!" (To Paul, during a round of Film & Theatre styles (horror)
Something else Tony did that was really funny: He actually won, and had to read the credits in the style of a drunken Australian soap star. He walked down to the stage, passed out, and when the credits were almost over, he started to get up but passed out again.

quotes compiled in 1997 by andromedastraine
page design 1999 andromedastraine