Jokes:

Yo mama's so FAT: 

she don't take pictures, she takes posters 
her baby pictures were taken by satellite 
a picture of her would fall off the wall 
she gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and
oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us 
she tried to get an all-over tan, and the sun burned out 
she uses a hula hoop to hold up her socks 
she puts on her belt with a boomerang 
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors 
when you get on top of her your ears pop 
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too 
the highway patrol made her wear "Caution Wide Turn" 
when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo 
she fell in love and broke it 
she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon 
even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction 
she wakes up in sections 
when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck 
she's on both sides of the family 
everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil 
she fell and made the Grand Canyon 
she has to use a VCR as a beeper 
she broke her leg, and gravy poured out 
they have to grease the bath tub to get her out 
she influences the tides 
she stands in two time zones 
she cant tie her own shoes 
she cant reach her back pocket 
that she would have been in ET, but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse 
they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through tunnel when they want to clean it 
she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth 
she stepped on a talking scale and it said @#**&^% 
she wears a watch on each arm One for each time zone 
after she gets through turning around, they throw her a welcome back party 
when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up 
she had to go to Sea World to get baptized 
her favorite dress is a tent 
she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops 
she has to iron her pants on the driveway 
she needs a building permit for her girdle 
she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller 
she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon 
when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose 
when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please" 
when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued" 
when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock" 
the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale 
the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs 
when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight 
she has her own zip code 
the phone company gave her two area codes 
people jog around her for exercise 
when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI" 
when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her 
she shows up on radar 
when she goes to a restaurant, she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay" 
when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again" 
when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate 
when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains" 
when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them 
when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy" 
the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds 
when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun 
when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean 
when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D" 
she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship 
she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book 
her senior picture had to be an aerial view 
she has to fly cargo class 
she has to wear a sock on each toe 
she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat 
the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts 
she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button 
when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas 
she sells shade in the summer 
cows graze by her for the shade 
when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her 
she got on an airplane and only the wings took off 
she could be the eighth continent 
she farted and put herself into an orbit 
I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back 
the only thing attracted to her is gravity 
small objects tend to orbit her 
her belly button's got an echo 

Yo mama's so POOR: 

she can't pay attention 
when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Moving" 
when I ring the doorbell, she has to say, "DING!" 
burglars break into house so they can leave money 
she can only afford the "Wel" on the "Welcome" mat 
she's trying to get married so she can get the rice at the wedding 
I asked her what was for dinner and she popped ME in the oven 
her TV's got two channels: on and off 
they put her face on a foodstamp 
she hangs the toilet paper to dry 

Yo mama's so UGLY: 
your daddy takes her to work so he doesn't need to kiss her goodbye 
she makes blind kids cry 
when she threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back 
the psychiatrist makes her lie face-down 
when she passes by your bathroom, the toilet flushes 
when she gets up, the sun goes down 
when she was born, they put her in an incubator with tinted windows 
when she was born, the doctor slapped her mother 
when she was born, her mom said, "What a treasure!"; and your dad replied, "Yeah, let's go bury it"
when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end 
the government moved Halloween to her birthday 
instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck 
they push her face into the dough to make gorilla cookies 
when I took her to the zoo, a guy at the door said, "Thanks for bringing her back" 
the prince would rather live as a frog than kiss her 
her mom had to feed her with a slingshot 
her parents first named her "Accident" 
they knew what time she was born, because her face stopped the clock! 
she took your dog to the Canine Show and won your dog came in second 

Yo mama's so STUPID: 

she got hit by a parked car 
she looks for the Sunday paper on Tuesdays 
she put your puppy in the oven to make a hot dog 
she bought a solar-powered flashlight 
she invented glow-in-the-dark sunglasses /water-proof teabag/wheelchair
with pedals 
she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away the W's 
she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico 
she spent twenty minutes staring at the orange juice carton because it said "Concentrate" 
I strangled her with a cordless phone 
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it 
she sits on the TV and watches the sofa 
she asked me what kind of jeans I had on, I said "Guess", and she said "uh, Levi's?" 
she stands up on an empty bus 
when I asked her to buy me a color TV, she asked me what color 
when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went home and got 16 friends 
she went to a 24-hr store and asked what time they closed 
she broke into a furniture store and slept on the floor 
she only has one toe on each foot, but she bought a pair of flip flops 
she writes "Thank You" notes for her bills 


Yo mama's OTHER : 

so bald, you can see what's on her mind 
feet so big, they need license plates 
house so small, you ordered a large pizza and had to eat it outside 
house so small, I threw a rock through your window and it hit everybody 
house so small, the front and back doors are on the same hinge 
house so dirty, I have to wipe my feet before I go outside 
ears so big, she can't hold cigarettes behind them 
ears so big, she gets satellite reception 
teeth so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles 
teeth so yellow, she'd put the sun out of business 
teeth so yellow, when she smiles, people start singing, "I got sunshine, on a cloudy day" 
lips so big, Chapstick had to invent a spray 
so skinny, she can peep through the keyhole with both eyes 
arms so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear 
missing a finger and can't count past nine 
got a head so small, she uses a teabag for a pillow 
got one leg and a bicycle 
got no fingers and a banjo 
got no ears, but she still says, "I hear ya!" 
got green hair and thinks she's a tree 
got a bald head with sideburns 
has no neck and they call her Head and Shoulders 
has only two fingers and she's asking people to "gimme five" 
has three teeth; one in her mouth and two in her pocket 
has one shorter leg and walks in circles 
has one short arm and can't applaud 
Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses 
Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying 
Yo momma has 10 fingers--all on the same hand 
Yo momma got so many freckles she looks like a hamburger 
Yo momma got a wooden leg with branches 
Yo momma got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail 

Yo mama's so OLD: 

she remembers the Grand Canyon when it was a ditch 
you gotta call the fire department when you light her birthday candles 
she's the only one who can get a senior citizens' discount at the old folks home 
her zip code is 00001 
her birth certificate was in Roman numerals 
her social security number is zero-zero-one 
she's older than anything in the local antique store 
when she ran track in high school, they timed her with a sundial 
she got hired to baby-sit Cain and Abel 
her birth certificate says, "Expired!" on it 
when you ask for her ID, she hands you a rock 
she farts out dust 
I found cave drawings of her 
she used a brontasaurus to get her drivers' license 
Jurassic Park brought back memories