100 Fun things to do with your room mate -
1.Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate
eats meat. Then leave
"Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your
stomach everytime your
roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know
nothing about them.
2.Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she
is asleep. Keep a pair
of scissors by your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3.Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as
loud as you can and
dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at
your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"
4.Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait
for your roommate to
come back. When he/she does, walk in and act surprised. Say,
"Uh-oh, it looks like, THEY,
were here again."
5.Every time you see your roommate yell, "You son of a..." and kick
him/her in the stomach.
Then buy him/her some ice cream.
6.Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've
been watching too much
"Beavis & Butthead." Do it again. Tell him/her that you're not
sorry because this time, they
deserved it.
7.Put your glasses on before you go to bed. Take them off as soon as
you wake up. If your
roommate asks, explain that they are Magic Dream Glasses. Complain
that you've been having
terrible nightmares.
8.Eat lots of "Lucky Charms." Pick out all the yellow moons and
stockpile them in the closet. If
your roommate inquires, explain that visitors are coming, but you
can't say anything more, or
you'll have to face the consequences.
9.Set up meetings with your roommate's faculty advisor. Inquire about
his/her academic
potential. Take lots of notes, and then give your roommate a full
report. Insist that he/she do
the same.
10."Drink" a raw egg for breakfast every morning. Explain that you are
in training. Eat a dozen
donuts every night.
11.Every Thursday, pack up everything you own and tell your roommate
you're going home.
Come back in an hour and explain that no one was home. Unpack
everything and go to sleep.
12.Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Oh, my God! Where the hell
am I?!" and run around
the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate
asks, say you don't know
what he/she is talking about.
13.Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look
at it and say, "It's
spreading, it's spreading."
14.Buy a McDonald's "Happy Meal" for lunch every day. Eat the straw
and the napkin. Throw
everything else away.
15.Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks,
start to argue with it loudly.
Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of
the room and slam the door.
Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant
ever again.
16.Buy a Jack-In-The-Box. Every day, turn the handle until the clown
pops out. Scream
continuously for twenty minutes.
17.Hang up pictures of chickens all over the room. If your roommate
eats eggs, yell at him/her
and call him/her a cannibal.
18.Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so,
look at your roommate
and mutter, "Soon, soon...."
19.Lock the door while your roommate is out. When he/she comes back
and tries to unlock it,
yell, "Don't come in, I'm naked!" Keep this up for several hours.
When you finally let your
roommate in, immediately take off all of your clothes, and ignore
your roommate.
20.Bring in potential "new" roommates from around campus. Give them
tours of the room and the
building. Have them ask about your roommate in front of him/her,
and reply, "Oh, him/her?
He/she won't be here much longer."
21.If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head
with a rolling pin.
Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."
22.Pile dirty dishes in your roommate's bed. Insist that you don't
know how they got there.
23.Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room.
Keep one pencil on the other
side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.
24.Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your
room and visit you. Write
out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day,
miraculously "recover." Insist that
your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every
time he/she coughs, excitedly
say, "Oooh, are you dying?"
25.Live in the hallway for a month. Afterwards, bring all of your
stuff back into the room and tell
your roommate, "Okay, your turn."
26.Keep a tarantula in a jar for three days. Then get rid of the
tarantula. If your roommate asks,
say, "Oh, he's around here somewhere."
27.Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then
pretend to faint. When you
recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on,
say, "Oh, yeah, I
remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.
28.Bowl inside the room. Set up tournaments with other people in the
building. Award someone a
trophy. If your roommate wants to bowl too, explain that he/she
needs bowling shoes.
29.Walk backwards all the time. Then pretend to trip and hurt
yourself. Fake an injury and go
through a long, painful recovery. Start walking backwards again.
30.While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When
your roommate walks in, sit
on the floor, hold your head, and moan.
31.Explain to your roommate that you're going to be housing a
prospective student in the near
future. One day, bring in a pig. If your roommate protests, hug the
pig and tell your roommate
that he/she hurt its feelings. Watch T.V with the pig, eating lots
of bacon.
32.Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the
sandwich. Wait until your
roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the hell is my
sandwich!?" Complain loudly
that you are hungry.
33.Punch a hole in the T.V. Sit and watch it anyway, complaining about
the poor picture quality.
34.Wear a cape. Stand in front of an open window for about an hour
every day. Then, one day,
when your roommate is gone, go outside and lie down underneath the
window, pretending to
be hurt, and wait for your roommate to return. The next day, start
standing in front of the
window again.
35.Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one
after your roommate.
Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days,
and then bake your
roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, "He just
didn't belong."
36.Fill an empty shaving cream can with whipped cream. Use it to
shave, and then spray some
into your mouth. Later on, complain that you feel sick. Continue
this process for several
weeks.
37.Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your
roommate asks, explain that "It's
a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.
38.Keep a vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room. Look at it with
fear for a few days. Then
stay out of the room entirely, opening the door only a crack and
whispering to your roommate,
"Psst! Is it gone?"
39.Break the window with a rock. If your roommate protests, explain
that you were hot. Open
and close the broken window as you normally would.
40.Throw darts at a bare wall. All of a sudden, act excited, telling
your roommate that you hit the
bull's eye.
41.Send flowers to your roommate, with a card that says, "I'm sorry.
It won't happen again."
When you see them, start ripping up the flowers. Repeat the process
for a few weeks.
42.Call your roommate "Clyde" by accident. Start doing so every so
often. Increase the
frequency over the next few weeks, until you are calling him
"Clyde" all the time. If your
roommate protests, say, "I'm sorry. I won't do that anymore,
Murray."
43.Hire a night watchman to guard the room while you are sleeping.
44.Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he
knows how much an
elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the
room with concern.
45.Practice needlepoint every night. At one point, grab your thumb and
scream,
"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" Cry hysterically for a few minutes, and
then go to
bed. Sob and sniff all night.
46.When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone,
screaming angrily and
shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom.
She said she'd call back."
47.Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights
and go to bed. When
he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come
out now."
48.Start wearing a crown, all the time. If your roommate tells you to
take it off, say, "What the
hell do you think you are? A king?"
49.Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing
nothing. Then, look up and say, "I
think this game goes a lot faster with two players."
50.Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended,
throw the bowl on the floor
and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to
watch them suffer."
51.Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless
he/she says the secret word.
Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the
secret word, make him/her
pay a tithe.
52.Scatter stuffed animals around the room. Put party hats on them.
Play loud music. When your
roommate walks in, turn off the music, take off the party hats, put
away the stuffed animals,
and say, "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
53.Hang a tire swing from the ceiling. Act like a monkey. If someone
besides your roommate
comes in, cease acting like a monkey and claim that the tire swing
was your roommate's idea.
When you and your roommate are alone again, continue acting like a
monkey.
54.Unplug everything in the room except for one toaster. Pray to the
toaster. Bring it gifts. Throw
some of your roommate's possessions out the window. Say that the
toaster made you do it.
55.Challenge your roommate to a duel. If he refuses, claim that you
have won by forfeit and
therefore conquered his side of the room. Insist that he remove all
of his
possessionsimmediately.
56.Sign your roommate up for various activities. (Campus tour guide,
blood donor, organ donor).
57.Start dressing like an Indian. If your roommate inquires, claim
that you are getting in touch with
your Native-American roots. If your roommate accuses you of not
having any
Native-American roots, claim that he/she has offended your people
and put a curse on your
roommate.
58.Wear your shoes on the wrong feet, all the time. Constantly
complain that your feet hurt.
59.Hit your roommate on the head with a brick. Claim that you were
trying to kill a mosquito.
60.Steal something valuable of your roommate's. If he/she asks about
it, tell him/her that you
traded it for some magic beans. Give some beans to your roommate.
61.Instead of turning off the light switch, smash the light bulb with
a hammer. Put a new bulb in the
next day. Complain often about the cost of light bulbs.
62.Videotape yourself hammering a nail into a wall for a while, and
then stopping. Play the tape in
your room. Right before the hammering stops on the videotape, look
at the screen and say,
"Don't do that."
63.Buy a lamp. Tell your roommate it's a magic lamp, with a genie
inside it. Spend a week
thinking about what to wish for. At the end of the week, report
that someone has released the
genie from the lamp. Blame your roommate.
64.Whenever your roommate brushes his/her teeth, watch him/her do so.
Take notes. Write a
paper on it, and circulate it around campus. If your roommate
protests, say, "The people have
a right to know!"
65.Collect potato chips that you think look like famous people. Find
one that looks like your
roommate. Burn it, and explain, "It had to be done."
66.Read the phone book out loud and excitedly. ("Frank Johnson! Oh,
wow! 837-9494! Holy
cow!")
67.Shadow box several times a day. One day, walk in looking depressed.
If your roommate asks
what's wrong, explain that your shadow can't box with you anymore
due to an injury. Ask
your roommate if you can box with his/her shadow.
68.When you walk into the room, look at your roommate in disgust and
yell, "Oh, you're here!"
Walk away yelling and cursing.
69.Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is
missing. Offer a reward for
his/her safe return.
70.Buy a watermelon. Draw a face on it and give it a name. Ask your
roommate if the
watermelon can sleep in his/her bed. If your roommate says no, drop
the watermelon out the
window. Make it look like a suicide. Say nasty things about your
roommate at the funeral.
71.Draw a chalk outline on the floor. When your roommate comes in,
say, "Don't worry. It's not
what you think." If he/she asks about it again, immediately change
the subject.
72.Drink a cup of coffee every morning. When you finish it, gnaw on
the mug for about ten
minutes. Then, look at your roommate, immediately put the mug away,
and quickly leave the
room.
73.Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit
your head as you attempt to
crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "Damn road
runner...."
74.Leave memos on your roommate's bed that say things like, "I know
what you did," and "Don't
think you can fool me." Sign them in blood.
75.Hold a raffle, offering your roommate as first prize. If he/she
protests, tell him/her that it's all
for charity.
76.Make cue cards for your roommate. Get them out whenever you'd like
to have a
conversation.
77.Talk like a pirate, all the time. Threaten to make your roommate
walk the plank if he/she
doesn't swab the deck. Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!
78.Set up about twenty plants in an organized formation. When your
roommate walks in, pretend
to be in the middle of delivering a speech to the plants. Whisper
to them, "We'll continue this
later," while eyeing your roommate suspiciously.
79.Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your
roommate through the
telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your
roommate is too far away for
you to see.
80.Keep some worms in a shoebox. When doing homework, go and consult
with the worms
every so often. Then become angry, shouting at the worms that
they're stupid and they don't
know what they're talking about.
81.Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time
your roommate goes to
take a shower.
82.Wear a paper hat. Every time your roommate walks in, say, "Welcome
to McDonalds, can I
take your... Oh, it's just you." Take off the hat, sit, and pout.
83.Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing
things and making random
corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just
couldn't take it anymore.
84.Leave the room at random, knock on the door, and wait for your
roommate to let you back
in. If he/she asks about it, go on a tangent about the importance
of good manners.
85.Hang a horseshoe above the door. Make up stories about having had
good luck. Then, take
the horseshoe down and wrap your head in bandages. When you see
your roommate, look
above the door where the horseshoe used to be, hold your head, and
mutter, "Stupid
horseshoe...."
86.Carve a jack-o-lantern. Complain to your roommate that the
jack-o-lantern has been staring
at you. The next day, tell your roommate that the jack-o-lantern
thinks he/she has been staring
at it. Confide in your roommate that you really don't like the
jack-o-lantern, but you can't
convince it to move out.
87.As soon as your roommate turns the light off at night, begin
singing famous operas as loud as
you can. When your roommate turns on the light, look around and
pretend to be confused.
88.Hang a basketball net on the wall. Challenge your refrigerator to
basketball games, and play
them in front of your roommate. Do so for about a month. Confide in
your roommate that you
think the refrigerator has been taking steroids.
89.Drink lots of lemonade. Talk obnoxiously for hours about how much
you love lemonade.
Then, one day, paint your face yellow. From then on, complain about
how much you hate
lemonade.
90.Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the
good old days, when we
used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.
91.Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about
and hour. Look around
nervously for the rest of the day.
92.Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join
you. Eat peanuts, throwing a
few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what
they used to be."
93.Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's
going to be an earthquake,
soon. While your roommate is out, trash everything on his/her side
of the room. When he/she
returns, explain that the earthquake hit, but only on one side of
the room.
94.Buy a gun. Clean it every day. One day, put a band-aid on your
forehead, and refuse to
discuss the gun ever again.
95.Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your
roommate that the lobster is
making up his own rules.
96.Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on
them, and toss them in the
closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your
roommate that your
"pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community.
Confide in your roommate that
you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.
97.While you are ironing, pretend to burn yourself. Start a garbage
can fire in the middle of the
room. Toss the iron inside. If your roommate objects, explain that
you are just trying to get
even.
98.Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the
hall.
99.Create an army of animal crackers. Put them through basic training.
Set up little checkpoints
around the room. Tell your roommate that the camel spotted him/her
in a restricted area and
said not to do it again. Ask your roommate to apologize to the
camel.
100.Put out a plate of cookies at night. Tell your roommate that
they're for the Sandman. Take a
bite out of one of the cookies while your roommate is asleep. The
next morning, accuse your
roommate of having bitten one of the cookies. If he/she tries to
tell you the Sandman did it,
insist that you know what the Sandman's teeth marks look like and
that those are, in fact, not
the Sandman's teeth marks. Grumble angrily and storm out of the
room.
100 WAYS TO FREAK OUT YOUR ROOMATE
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it.
Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up
out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely.
Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns
to
the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans
in
the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night.
If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face,"They're
more than meets the eye."
14. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man,"
Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.
15. Kill roaches with a monkey wrench while playing Wagnerian arias on
a kazoo. If your roommate complains, explain that it is for your
performance
art class (or hit him/her with the wrench).
16. Collect all your urine in a small jug.
17. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you
food.
18. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it
off when you are.
19. Ask your roommate if your family can move in "just for a couple of
weeks."
20. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend
to
masturbate while reading them.
21. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to
come, pretend nothing happened.
22. Eat glass.
23. Smoke ballpoint pens.
24. Smile. All the time.
25. Collect dog shit in baby food jars. Sort them according to what
you
think the dog ate.
26. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.
27. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash
can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and
eat
it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that
s/he reimburse you.
28. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a
list
of grievances.
29. Paste boogers on the windows in occult patterns.
30. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned,
and then look away quickly.
31. Dye all your underwear lime green.
32. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.
33. Bye three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.
34. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's closet. Accuse
him/her of stealing it.
35. Remove your door. Ship it to your roommate's parents (postage
due).
36. Pray to Azazoth or Zoroaster. Sacrifice something nasty.
37. Whenever your roommate walks in, wait one minute and then stand
up.
Announce that you are going to take a shower. Do so. Keep this
up for three weeks.
38. Array thirteen toothbrushes of different colors on your dresser.
Refuse to discuss them.
39. Paint your half of the room black. Or paisley.
40. Whenever he/she is about to fall asleep, ask questions that start
with "Didja ever wonder why...." Be creative.
41. Shave one eyebrow.
42. Put your mattress underneath your bed. Sleep down under there and
pile your dirty clothes on the empty bedframe. If your roommate comments,
mutter "Gotta save space," twenty times while twitching violently.
43. Put horseradish in your shoes.
44. Shelve all your books with the spines facing the wall. Complain
loudly that you can never find the book that you want.
45. Always flush the toilet three times.
46. Subsist entirely on pickles for a week. Vomit often.
47. Buy a copy of Frankie Yankovic's "Pennsylvania Polka," and play it
at least 6 hours a day. If your roommate complains, explain that it's an
assignment for your primitive cultures class.
48. Give him/her an allowance.
49. Listen to radio static.
50. Open your window shades before you go to sleep each night. Close
them as soon as you wake up.
51. Cry a lot.
52. Send secret admirer notes on your roommate's blitzmail.
53. Clip your fingernails and toenails and keep them in a baggie. Leave
the baggie near your computer and snack from it while studying. If he/she
walks by, grab the bag close and eye him/her suspiciously.
54. Paste used kleenexes to his/her walls.
55. Whenever your roomate comes in from the shower, lower your eyes and
giggle to yourself.
56. If you get in before your roomate, go to sleep in his/her bed.
57. Put pornos under his/her bed. Whenever someone comes to visit your
roommate when they're not home, show them the magazines.
58. Whenever you go to sleep, start jumping on your bed . . . do so for
a
while, then jump really high and act like you hit your head on the ceiling.
Crumple onto your bed and fake like you were knocked out. . .use this
method
to fall asleep every night for a month.
59. If your roommate goes away for a weekend, change the locks.
60. Whenever his/her parents call and ask for your roommate, breathe
into
the phone for 5 seconds then hang up.
61. Whenever he/she goes to shower, drop whatever you're doing, grab a
towel, and go shower too.
62. Find out your roommate's post office box code. Open it and take
his/her mail. Do this for one month. After that, send the mail to him/her
by
UPS.
63. Collect all of your pencil shavings and sprinkle them on the floor.
64. Create an imaginary cat for a pet. Talk to it every night, act like
you're holding it, keep a litter box under your desk. After two
weeks, say that your cat is missing. Put up signs in your dorm, blame
your roommate.
65. Call safety & security whenever your roommate turns up his/her
music.
66. Follow him/her around on weekends.
67. Sit on the floor and talk to the wall.
68. Whenever the phone rings, get up and answer the door.
69. Whenever someone knocks, answer the phone.
70. Take his/her underwear. Wear it.
71. Whenever your roommate is walking through the room, bump into
him/her.
72. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't
say
anything, just stare.
73. Tell your roommate that someone called and said that it was really
important but you can't remember who it was.
74. Let mice loose in his/her room.
75. Give each of your walls a different name. Whenever you can't answer
a
problem, ask each of your walls. Write down their responses, then
ask your ceiling for the final answer. Complain to your roommate that
you don't trust your ceiling.
76. Take your roommate's papers and hand them in as your own.
77. Skip to the bathroom.
78. Take all of your roommate's furniture and build a fort. Guard the
fort for an entire weekend.
79. Gather up a garbage bag full of leaves and throw them in a pile in
his/her room. Jump in them. Comment about the beautiful foilage.
80. When you walk into your room, turn off your lights. Turn them on
when
you leave.
81. Print up satanic signs and leave them in your room where he/she can
find them.
82. Whenever you're on the phone and he/she walks in, hang up
immediately
without saying anything and crawl under your desk. Sit there for
two minutes than call whoever it was back.
83. Insist on writing the entire lyrics to American Pie on your ceiling
above your bed. Sing them every night before you go to bed.
84. Use a bible as kleenex. Yell at your roommate if they say Jesus or
god damn-it.
85. Burn incense.
86. Eat moths.
87. Buy Sea Monkeys and grow them. Name one after your roommate.
Announce
the next day that that one died. Name another one after your
roommate. The next day say that it died. Keep this up until they all die.
88. Collect Chia-Pets.
89. Refuse to communicate in anything but sign language.
90. Eat a bag of marshmellows before you go to bed. The next day, spray
three bottles of whip cream all over your floor. Say you got sick.
91. Wipe deoderant all over your roommate's walls.
92. If you know that he/she is in the room, come barging in out of
breath. Ask if they saw a fat bald naked Tibetan man run through carrying
a
hundred dollar bill. Run back out swearing.
93. Leave apple cores on his/her bed.
94. Keep feces in your fridge. Complain that there is never anything to
eat.
95. Piss in a jar and leave it by your bed. When your roommate isn't
looking, replace it with a jar of apple juice. Wait until your
roommate turns around. Drink it.
96. Don't ever flush.
97. Buy an inflatable doll. Sleep with it.
98. Hang stuffed animals with nooses from your ceiling. Whenever you
walk
by them mutter, "You shouldn't have done that to me."
99. Lick him/her while they are asleep.
100. Dress in drag.
(
geocities.com/timessquare/labyrinth) (
geocities.com/timessquare)