35 Ways to Annoy People
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Scream random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. don t use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets..
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk..
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
33. TELL YOUR FRIENDS 4 DAYS PRIOR, THAT YOU CAN'T ATTEND THEIR PARTY BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT IN THE MOOD!
34. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or ask you not to send things like this.
35. NEVER doublespace!
36. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
37. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your
TV and then pointing it at the screen.
38. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
39. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
40. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that
this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
41. sniffle incessantly.
42. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
43. Name your dog "Dog".
44. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your
"astronaut training".
45. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors
upstairs for "violating your airspace".
46. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was
a "real hoot".
47. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch
with a can of Lysol.
48. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if
people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
49. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
50. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing
awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
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