[SoL Bridge. Gypsy is center, with Crow and Tom around her. We can
vaguely see Mike's body propped up on the far left end of the counter.]
CROW: ... and he fragged and
everything! Just like Tom! What can we do, Gyps?
TOM: I mean, he's our *human* now that Joel's gone...
CROW: And if the Mads heard we killed him, they'd melt us into scrap
metal!
GYPSY: Don't worry, guys. We can fix it.
We always do.
CROW: Yeah, Gyps, but... his head exploded!! How're we gonna fix that?
[The Bridge is in silence as Gypsy thinks for a few seconds.]
GYPSY: I have an idea!
TOM: What is it, Gypsy?
GYPSY: OK, you remember that thing we used to turn Joel into Arch Hall
Jr.?
CROW: Yeah... but what'll that do to bring Mike's head back?
GYPSY: We have our Wellspring of Great Sucking, guys! We can rig this
up so that the liquid contrivance could flow into the Arch Hall Jr.
head mold and fuse with Mike's body... it just might work!
TOM: Yeah, Gypsy, yeah! I mean, it's liquid
Deus ex Machina! It's gotta work!
CROW: Besides, it's our only chance...
GYPSY: OK, guys, you get Mike on the counter. I'll get the head mold and
the Wellspring!
[Gypsy leaves right. Crow and Tom begin the laborious task of getting
Mike's body on top of the counter. It's slow going, mostly because Tom has
no functional arms and Crow's arms only partially work.]
TOM: Hey, put a little more power into it, OK? You're the one with the
arms!
CROW: Shut up, Tom! Just work!
[Eventually, they manage to get the body on the desk. Just as they
finish, Gypsy enters from right, carrying the Arch Hall Jr. head mold from
"Eegah!" and the Wellspring of Great Sucking from the Invention Exchange.]
GYPSY: OK, guys, let me set this up...
[She sets the head mold on the coun ter roughly where Mike's real head
would be. After spreading some towels underneath the mold to make sure the
counter doesn't get dirty, she sets the Wellspring on top of it and turns
the spigot on. A gooey, black, otherworldly substance begins flowing into
the mold.]
GYPSY: OK, that should work. It's probably going to take some time,
though.
CROW: Um, Gyps...
GYPSY: Yeah, Crow?
CROW: Uh, we're going to get Fanfic Sign in a few seconds, and we can't
riff this one by ourselves. Would you come in the theater and
riff with us?
GYPSY: Well, the minimal life support for Mike can run without me,
especially now, and... aww, sure.
TOM: Thanks, Gypsy!
[Movie Sign goes off.]
GYPSY: OK, we've got FANFIC SIGN! This could be fun!
[6]
[5]
[4]
[3]
[2]
[1]
[SoL Theater. Gypsy enters first, with Tom in her mouth. She sets down
Tom, and they both take their seats. Crow enters and takes his seat.]
GYPSY: So, what's been happening in this one?
CROW: Well... Sonic turned evil and kills people.
TOM: And right now they've got him restrained...
CROW: ... except Antoine, the biggest wuss in Knothole, is the only
one on guard.
GYPSY:
Oh. All right, I'm not much good at this, but I'll try. Cambot, you can
start it up again.
> He convinced himself not to think about that.Sonic growled baring his
> teeth and kicking at the nearby desk.
CROW: I'm going to get this gum off or else!
> Antoine watched nervously for an hour as he yelled,growled,
> and kicked furiously.Nothing seemed to be working.Suddenly his claws
> extracted and he ripped out of the chains.
TOM: Well, that was easy.
> He crumbled them in his fists and turned to Antoine.He was trying to keep
> his cool,but like always he lost it.
GYPSY: I am having zee... how you say... psychadelic funky
freak-out!
TOM: That's the spirit, Gyps!
> He grabbed for the button.
CROW: Push the button,
Antoine!
> Sonic lunged and tackled Antoine slashing at Antoine's stomach.
TOM: What's with the stomach fetish!
> "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
GYPSY: Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark!
> Git away
TOM: ... you silly
British kniggits, before I am forced to taunt you a second time!
> you fuel!"
CROW: Sonic the Ethanol?
> Antoine yelled.The hatch opened
GYPSY: How? By magic? And why?
CROW: Gypsy, it's called plot contrivance. You'll get used to it
eventually.
> and Antoine ran like hell out of there.He shut it.
TOM: Finally! We don't have to listen to the stupid accent.
GYPSY: Doesn't the author mean Antoine closed the hatch?
TOM: Man, Gyps, you gotta stop taking things so literally...
> He let out a sigh of relief.
CROW: Soon I will be killed like zee slasher film geek I am,
and I will be out of zee fanfic! Whew!
> His joy of losing the hedgehog was crushed when he felt hot breath on his
> neck.
GYPSY: Do you like scary movies, Antoine?
> He spun around to see Sonic's evil grin.
TOM: Yep... just his grin. Nothing else.
CROW: It's the Chesire Hedgehog!
> He yelled and ran again as fast as her could.His heart was pounding like a
> drum.A figure of a woman appeared in front of Sonic.It kept him occupied
> so all Antoine thought that it was his chance to get away.
GYPSY: That sentence didn't make any sense! The author really can't
write, can they?
CROW: You're beginning to get the point!
GYPSY: Ah. Why can't we ever watch a nice Richard Basehart film
instead?
> He ran like hell..not looking back.
> * * *
> Bunnie Rabbot was walking around the Great forest looking to see if
> she'd run into Serena Leaou.Or hoping that Serena was a friendly lass.
TOM: No, no, no, fanfic! Bunnie is southern, not Irish!
> Bunnie came across a hutOne she hasn't seen before in these parts.[Well..
> ah'm pretty deep inta the forest.]Bunnie thought.
GYPSY: Gosh, these people even think in accents?
TOM: Gypsy, that's why you're here.
> She saw a woman with dark curly hair and green eyes.She was wearing close
> to nothing.
MAGIC VOICE: It's Katira!
CROW: What, Magic Voice?!
MAGIC VOICE: Oh... wait... never mind. That hasn't happened yet.
Hehehe. Just think of it this way; in a few seasons' time you'll know
exactly what I'm talking about.
> A shirt that barely covered most of her and a skirt that began bellow her
> waist.
TOM: She's sagging! She'll get suspended for that!
> "You there!"The woman yelled.Bunnie started to run.The woman
> appeared in front of Bunnie and struck her with lightning power.
GYPSY: Noone will reject the sorceress Gaza Moon!
> Bunnie tumbled down a hill.
> "Whooeee sugah's got some power up in her sleeves."Bunnie said.
CROW: Yep, Bunnie's last four brain cells just got fried.
> "Nobody spies on Kahara!"She made a tree fall ontop of Bunnie.
TOM: If a tree falls in the forest and hits a furry, does it make a
sound?
GYPSY: The tree or the furry?
CROW: Well, the furry would probably say "Oh, mah stahs!" or something
like that...
> Kahara vanished.Bunnie groaned.She lifted up the tree with her robotic arm.
> She had messed up one of her robotic legs from the fall.
> ___---{{END OF CHAPTER TWO}}--____
GYPSY: *That's* the cliffhanger ending?!
TOM: Hey, if we don't get Mike back to normal, you're going to have to
get used to this stuff.
> ______________________________________________________________________
> <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
CROW: Oooh! Falling stars!
> {{CHAPTER THREE}}
TOM: Black Angel: The Legend Continues.
> "Sis..take care of Michael...for..m-m-m-m-e."Whispered to Kiki.
GYPSY: As previously seen on "Black Angel"...
> "No!!Don't leave me sis.!!"Kiki yelled.Kay's eyes rolled back into
> her head and her body went limp.
CROW: Let's all say it together...
ALL: She's dead, Jim!
> Kiki kissed Kay on the cheek with tears rolling down her face.
TOM: Ewwww... incestual pedophiliac necrophilia? Now that's a scary
thought.
> She looked up at some villagers.
GYPSY: Hi, we're extras!
> "What are you staring at?!?!?!"Kiki screamed through sobbing.
CROW: Well, you just kissed your dead sister...
TOM: I love my dead gay sister!
> The doctor put his hand on Kiki's shoulder.
> "There was nothing we could do."He said.
CROW: Again...
ALL: She's dead, Jim!
> "You didn't even try!!!!SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!!!"Kiki yelled.
GYPSY: See, I like to yell in caps lock!
> She pounded her fist into the wall.
TOM: ... and it punches her a new window, seeing as they're living in
grass huts...
CROW: People in grass houses shouldn't throw punches.
> Sally tried to comfort her,but Kiki pulled away.
> "Leave me alone!!!All of you!!I hate you!!!"
GYPSY: Wow, she's already up to the anger stage of grieving. She's
really making time!
> Kiki flung open the door and ran out.Leanna was going to follow,but Sally
> stopped her.
> "No,let her be.
TOM: I find myself in times of trouble; Mother Sally comes to
me, speaking words of wisdom: "Let her be."
CROW: After all, it's not as if she'd need our love and
support or anything!
> She'll get over anger soon."Sally sighed.
> * * *
> Kiki extracted her claws and began to slash at a tree.She was cursing
> and kicking at it furiously.
TOM: OK, time for bets. Will Old Man Willow or the Lorax kill her first?
> Suddenly she saw something a few feet away.It was Sonic.
ALL: Dunh dunh dunnnnhhhhh!
> She stopped and hid behind a tree.[What is he doing?!?!]Kiki asked herself.
> Her face was red from yelling.
CROW: Ah, yes. Our wonderful, mature heroine just finished with a
temper tantrum at a tree. Joy.
> Sonic was slashing furiously at a yound rabbit
TOM: Yep, that younder rabbit there.
> he had jumped.Apparently a male,but it was hard for Kiki to tell until
> he started screaming.Sonic lapped at the boy's wound.His claws teared at
> the wound enlarging it.
GYPSY: Oh, my. Do they usually get into this much detail?
CROW: You're lucky you don't get stuck in here for some of the
lemons...
GYPSY: Oh, my goodness!
> More blood chilling screms emitted the boy.
TOM: Why does it seem like half the problems with this story are caused
by Kiki abruptly forgetting certain crucial words in her sentences?
> Kiki watched on until the boy was dead.
CROW: Yes, our brave avatar does nothing whatsover to prevent the
slaughter of an innocent...
GYPSY: Kiki isn't a very good avatar, is she?
CROW: You don't know the half of it, Gyps.
> Sonic's claws had teared open his whole stomach.His head dug into the
> blood and meat filled carcus
TOM: Blood and meat? Isn't that all a carcass is, really?
CROW: Be happy. It could be "Blood and Metal".
TOM: Ugh.
> of the rabbit.
GYPSY: Duhh, I always did want to see the rabbits,
George!
> He was eating wildly.Kiki held her mouthShe thought she was gonna toss it.
CROW: What? The story? Spiffy!
(All the bots erupt in cheers, applause, "Kill the story!", etc.)
> Sonic licked his claws clean and grinned with a face covered in blood.
>
TOM: Well, Kiki, we really didn't want to hear the rest either...
CROW: Still, it's better than that time in ASADAE when Dark Sonic does,
er, something very, very inappropriate with Uncle Chuck.
GYPSY and TOM: GAHHHHH!
> Kiki made a disgusted face.Now Sonic was lapping up the blood.Kiki got up.
CROW: ... on the scene, like a sex machine!
TOM: Now that's another image we didn't need, Crow.
> "I really didn't need to watch that.."She said aloud.
GYPSY: Well, Kiki, neither did we.
> A mistake.
TOM: What, you mean the entire story?
> Before she could know what was happening Sonic tackled her and
> slashed at her.Kiki screamed feeling the pain and stumbled.She hurt her
> ankle.She began to scream names off the top of her head.
CROW: Bob! Jim! Bubba! Pat! John Boy!
> Sonic swiped at her,but missed.
GYPSY: Ah, so that's why Kiki's such a crummy avatar. Dark Sonic is
also a really, really stupid villain.
TOM: It took you that long to find that out?
> "Stop it!"Kiki yelled
GYPSY: Oh, yeah, like that's gonna work!
> inching away with her hands.When she saw a flashlight's beam
TOM: Look! Gypsy to the rescue!
GYPSY: Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
> she sighed in relief.Sonic not paying attention again lunged at Kiki.His
> claws extracted.
> "Leave her alone mon!"
CROW: And we have the third silly accent of the fanfic!
> Knuckles appeared jabbing Sonic in the stomach.Sonic recovered.
> "Knuckles!"Sally said joyfully.
TOM: Not only did you appear out of absolutely nowhere, but I
appeared the same way just to cheer you on!
> Sonic slashed Knuckles' face.His anger was rising.
GYPSY: ... while the plot was falling.
> He took out a sheet of metal from his pack and struck Sonic in the
> face with it.Sonic hissed and faded.
CROW: Say, that metal wouldn't happen to be sodium, would it be?
TOM: Why?
CROW: Oh, no reason.
> "See mon,
GYPSY: I'm going to be using the word "mon" every other
line, mon, so you better get used to it, mon.
> no problem controlin' stupid 'edgehogs wit bad attitudes."Knuckles grinned.
TOM: He's half-Jamaican, half cockney, apparently...
GYPSY: The roin in Spon falls moinly in the ploin, mon!
> "Talk about timing."Kiki said in a far off voice.
> "I'm guessing he'll be back."Sally said.
CROW: Gee, Sherlock, what was your first clue?
> Nicole started to beep.Sally flipped open the computer.
> "Yes Nicole?"Sally asked.
TOM: You've got mail!
> "Angel is getting stronger and
GYPSY: ... Buffy isn't even here!
> Kahara is near."Nicole said.Sally frowned.A tree struck down.Lightning
> hit it.
CROW: Nothing in this fanfic is really related to anything else, is it?
> "Its not raining though."Leanna said.Now it DID start to rain
> really heavily.
TOM: This story is just one giant Obligatory Knothole Weather Report!
Sheesh!
> More lightning started to hit things around them.
(All start chanting "Smite! Smite! Smite! Smite!")
> "Oh mah stars..."Bunnie said looking up.
GYPSY: And oh mah othuh heavenly bodies!
> Kahara was floating in the air.Her arms raised,her eyes glowing a bright
> red.
TOM: And we have Generic Evil Witch/Warlock Pose #7.
> Lightning hit some huts.They heard screams coming from their opposite
> directions.
CROW: (
geocities.com/timessquare/lair/1868) (
geocities.com/timessquare/lair) (
geocities.com/timessquare)