Written by Cidolfus Orlandu
Cloud sat around in the Seventh Heaven bar and watched as Aeris and Tifa were looking out the window at the local SOLDIERs convention. Big and buffed soldiers from all around met up and in Aeris and Tifa's eyes, they were very good looking. They didn't know of the strange happenings going on in Yuffie's room when Vincent, Yuffie, and Cid were sitting around watching Yuffie work her magic at her Little Chemist kit.
"Now what is it yer makin'?" Cid asked.
"I'm making a Wutai Medicine Man potion called Double Gender Entity potion. It gives the person the ability to change into a male or female as they please."
"Any side effect?" Vincent asked.
"The medicine man said there was none." Yuffie said, stirring in a thing of Turbo Ether.
"Who's the one who's going to get the sex change in a glass?" Cid asked.
"It's an April Fools Day joke for Cloud." Vincent said, trying not to smile.
Yuffie shouted, "Be quiet, I'm trying to stir this in."
Yuffie stirred in an X-potion and the potion looked like Pepsi.
"Experiment, complete." Yuffie said, smiling. "Now who's going have the honors of giving it to Cloud?"
"I will." Cid said. "I wanna see this. Cloudette. Damn, we're good. I used to think you were a pain in the ass, Yuffie. But yer cool in Ol' Cid's eyes."
"Thank you, old man."
Cid snuck the potion in and poured it into a glass. Next to it was a soda he left behind and the phone rang. Cid answered it.
"Seventh Heaven."
Cid picked up one of the sodas but it was the potion instead. He downed it and all of a sudden...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Cid passed out onto the ground and woke up in his bed with Cloud and everyone looking down at him. They all were worried when Cid stood up and went into the bathroom.
"What did he consume?" Cloud asked.
Yuffie and Vincent looked at each other.
"Should we tell them?"
"I think we better before..."
This time the screams in the bathroom were female...
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!"
Cloud started pounding on the door, demanding Cid to open it.
"No, go away!"
"Cid, your voice, what's wrong?!"
"I got a cold. Go away!!"
"If you don't open this door, I'm going to break it down and drag you out by the blonde roots on your head!!!"
"Leave me alone!!!!!"
"1.......2.........3!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Cloud broke down the door and saw the most cutest red headed girl with pilot's gear on, staring at herself in the mirror like a frightened animal.
"C.....c.....c..cccc..c.c.c..c..id?" Cloud mummbled.
Aeris started laughing, which brought tears to the female Cid's eyes. She started crying. Aeris hugged her and tried to comfort her.
"How can I return to Rocket Town with these?! *SOB*" Cid said, holding her boobs. "Shera will laugh!!!!"
"We're going to have to tell her or something."
"What's all that racket?!" Barret screamed from the kitchen.
Cloud looked at Cid.
"What are we going to do?!" Vincent said.
"We hide hi...her." Yuffie said, closing the door on Cid.
"Remember, nothing happened."
"Yuffie, we can't hide Cid forever. Barret will shit if he sees Cid is a girl."
Barret and Red XIII walked in and saw Cloud, Vincent, Yuffie, Tifa, and Aeris in Cid's room, cleaning it.
"Where the F@#$ is Cid? Why isn't he cleaning his room, his own damn self?"
"He's out and about, running errands for the Seventh Heaven.
He'll be here in a little while." Cloud said with a handful of Playboys.
Red XIII sniffed the door to the bathroom and growled.
"It appears we have an unwanted visitor." Red XIII said, growling.
"There's no one in there but Cid's cheap ass colognes, Red!!"
"There's someone in there. I smell her scent!" Red XIII said, scratching the door.
Oh no! Everyone thought. Barret opened the door and saw the female Cid standing there with fear in her eyes and trembling like a lost little kid. His eyes widened. Red XIII sniffed her and confirmed it was Cid.
"What happened?" Barret yelled.
"It's an experimental joke we tried playing on Cloud." Vincent said at last.
"What? You mean Cid was unwittingly given this potion on accident?"
"He was part of it but something must have happened." Yuffie said.
"I accidentally drank it when I thought it was my soda!" Cid sobbed.
"Yuffie, you're the chemist. Figure something out."
"The Wutai Medicine Man didn't give me a cure! We have to go to Wutai to get it."
Cloud and Yuffie walked into Godo's Pagoda and asked for one of the five gods, who happened to be the Wutai Medicine man. They asked what they could do to cure the Double Gender Entity potion.
"Time! But be wary. If whoever took it sees a pretty face, they'll get turned on!"
"Oh, shit!" Cloud said. "Cid said as a guy he's going to visit his adopted son in Ivalice."
"Oh boy, what does he look like?" The Medicine man asked.
"From what we saw of the young man, he was just as good looking as Edgar Figaro." Yuffie said.
"Uh no!!!!" Cloud said. "Let's hit it! We may have a chance to catch the Tiny Bronco!"
"Cloud, she left an hour ago. It takes fifteen minutes to get there from Midgar..." Vincent said.
"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sidney (Cid) knocked on the Bunanza household and a young man answered it. It wasn't the teenage engineer he/she adopted through the Shinra Adoption Agency. It was Ramza and he was wearing just a pair of swimming trunks.
"Hello, miss!" Ramza said.
"Oh, shove it! I'm here to see Mustadio."
"He's in the pool right now. Can I get him for you?"
"Never mind, I'll find him myself." Sidney said, storming in.
"What's your name, ma'am?" Ramza asked.
"Sidney, but you can call me Cid. C-I-D!"
"But the man who adopted him was an old pilot, not a good looking young girl in a crackerjack (Sailor) outfit!"
"Listen, piss ant, you better get out of the way or I'm going to spank you." Sidney said, pushing him out of her way.
Agrias saw Sidney walk onto the patio and tried to stop her.
"You can stop me from seeing my adopted son!" Sidney yelled.
"Shera!?" Mustadio asked getting out of the pool.
He saw the woman in the Sailor Moon outfit and his eyes turned into hearts. So did Sidney's when she saw him. They ran to each other and hugged, kissing wildly and whatnot.
Ramza saw the wild activity and exchanged glances with Agrias.
Day turned into night and Sidney and Mustadio found themselves in his bed, doing 'it'. Just then, Sidney pushed Mustadio off and sat up. There was blood on the sheets and it scared her. Mustadio wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back into bed.
"Don't tell me you're scared of a little blood, my sweet."
"No, it's just that..."
"That's good. Shall we?"
"No, I can't. I gotta get going." Sidney said, gathering her clothes.
She tied the bow on her shirt and ran out of the house and back to the Tiny Bronco. Just then, the Highwind landed and Sidney hid behind a bush.
Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, and Yuffie looked around with a red potion in their hands.
"Where is she?" Aeris said, looking at the Tiny Bronco.
"This is Goug Machine City, isn't it?" Cloud asked.
"Well, no duh! If the Tiny Bronco is here then Sidney should be." Yuffie said.
Cloud called for Red XIII on the PHS and Red ran out.
"Pick up Cid's female trail."
"All right." red started sniffing until he came up to the bushes. "She's here."
Sidney ran out of the bushes and ran into the town with Cloud on her tail.
"Leave me alone, Cloud! I don't want to do this!!"
"You need help, Cid! Come back so we can change you back."
Mustadio stepped outside his house and saw the cute little sailor girl run by him. He then saw Cloud in hot pursuit. Mustadio drew out his guns and pointed them at Cloud. Cloud stopped cold in his tracks and looked down the barrel of the two bolt pistols.
"Naughty naughty, no chase my cute sailor girl."
"She isn't a girl! Aren't you Mustadio?"
"Yes, what do you mean she isn't a girl? We just did it and she had all the parts!"
"She's Cid under a magical potion's spell! We're trying to get her back so we can change her back."
Mustadio's eyes were wide but full of disbelief. He shot his guns and chased Cloud back to the Highwind. He saw the cute little sailor girl get into the Tiny Bronco with tears in her eyes and her hands trembling. She took off and the Highwind was in hot pursuit. the crew looked at Cloud as he was inspecting the missile payload. He saw scrambler missiles in arasenal.
"Fire two Scrambler missiles at the Tiny Bronco!"
"Sir, that's for airships! We can't use it on a seaplane that size. It'll blow up."
"What shall we use?"
"Disruptor missiles ready." the young pilot said.
The Highwind fired two Disruptor missiles which Sidney dodges easily. (Providing he/she is world's best pilot) Cloud fires a patload of missiles, which hit the Tiny Bronco and shuts down its systems. But they forgot something... Sidney started working the anti-disruptor guidance systems and the Tiny Bronco took off. She didn't notice the slight fuel leak in the main tank. She crashed into the sea and the Highwind fished out the Tiny Bronco and landed next to Midgar. Sidney was unconscious and a little bloody. Cloud lifted her head and frowned.
"It's a pity we have to do this. Cid's so cute as a girl."
Aeris coughed "*AHEM*"
Cloud blushed and poured the potion down her throat. She screamed...
"AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH..."
the screams were turning more male and Cid appeared. He opened his eyes and looked around.
"What the hell just happened!?" Cid asked. "AUGH!!!! I'm wearing a woman's suit!"
Cid tried covering his legs with the skirt and blushed. Cloud started laughing his ass off. Cid growled and punched Cloud.
"Don't just stand there looking stupid...GET ME MY PILOT'S CLOTHES!!!!!!!!'
"Yes, sir!" the Highwind crew said with a smile.