Written by Cidolfus Orlandu
I got one for those Mustadio fans out there...
Chipping away at the rocks in the coal mines of Goug Machine City, Mustadio started feeling the
pressures of war on his arms. Battle fatigue was making his arms so sore that he could barely lift the
pickax. The time clock sounded the end of his shift. Besrodio, his dad, met him at the entrance of the
mines.
"You're started to lag off, Mustadio. Does the boss know you're hurting?"
"No, I'm fine. Just a little weary."
"Should I tell Madam Oradim of the Goug School for Young Ladies that you are in no condition to fix the
clock?"
"No! I'm not going miss a good buck because of a little battle fatigue!"
"Of course, why didn't I see this? Is there a girl at that school you're wanting to see or impress? My son,
the hopeless romantic!"
"Cute, but no." Mustadio said, blushing.
"Come on, admit it! I'm your dad. I know better!"
"There is no one there that I want to impress! They all are poster children for the mentally unfit to be
God's children society!"
"Those girls in that school are cuter than the ones me and my friends used to sneak in to see in the shower
rooms. The one's I saw were poster children for the over eaters society of single fat women with no self
esteem!"
"That's true. You married one of them."
"Hey hey. That's your mother, boy!"
Next day, Mustadio went into the Goug School for Young Ladies and meet the incredibly obese school
mistress named Oradim.
"Let me make this rule clear: You will not flirt with any of my ladies. If you do, it's coming out of your
pay!"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Good, you can start by mopping the halls before school starts."
"I don't..."
"You worked in the coal mines, didn't you?"
"Yes, but..."
"Good, get to work! I want to see my face in them when you're done."
Mustadio thought, Good, I'll drop my drawers and pee all over the floors so you can see yourself in
them. He chuckled and picked up the mop.
Noon, came around and it was lunchtime in the school. The girls piled up in the lunch room and sat down.
Rumors of a good looking clock repairman spred like wildfire. A young woman walked to the window and
saw Mustadio, shirtless and buffed from the coal mines and countless battles, sitting on the bench,
sipping cold soda and looking at them. All the young ladies ran to the window and saw Mustadio sipping
him soda and the sweat from his body glistened in the sunlight. He looked up and gave the girls a wink
and a bunch of them fainted.
The school nurse ran into Oradim's office, in a panic.
"Five girls have passed out, cause unknown, by the window and wearing goofy smiles on their faces! I
don't know what to do!"
The teachers after lunch were in a panic as well.
"Either this Mustadio is a flirt or he's got an incredible bod! All the girl's notebooks say so-and-so loves
Mustadio 4-ever or so-and-so and Mustadio 4-ever. You know. Sin stuff!"
Oradim picked up the intercom phone and called Mustadio to the office.
"Take your pay and leave. You're no longer welcome at this school."
"Oh, you're making a Bunanza angry doing this! This is going to hurt you and your young women more
than it'll hurt my father's business. Mark my words, them ladies will boycott or riot. And by the way, I get
the job faster than anyone in Goug!"
A week later, the teachers of every class was in the office with papers of the girls' tests, essays, reports,
and whatnot. They were frantic because all of the answers were Rehire Mustadio or Free Mustadio or Get
Mustadio back. Oradim picked up the phone and dialed Besrodio.
"Besrodio's Machine Shop, you break it, we fix it."
"This is Oradim at the Goug School of Young Women..."
"What do you want, old hag!?"
"I want to rehire your son as a maintenance man here."
"Yeah, I heard you fired him for flirting. Like I said, once before, boys will be boys! And no, I don't think
he'll be interested."
"The young ladies here are wanting him back for some reason and they're boycotting everything. If we
can have him back, that would be fine."
"Well, expect a boycott for the next month or two because he's at Castle Figaro helping Edgar with an
airship fuselage leak. Then he's going into battle for a week. I guess you're F@#$%^!"
"If you can get him back as soon as possible, that would be good."
"I don't think he likes the conditions there. No recess for the girls while he's working on the clock, twenty
minute lunch breaks and no piss breaks. What do you want him to do, piss his pants!?"
"We have no men's rooms. This is an all..."
"I know what it is, goddamnit! And frankly I'm appalled. The Goug School for Boys has both ladies and
men's rooms! And frankly I'm baffled why you would bust my boy's chops for flirting because from where
I'm sitting and looking, one of your second hand clock repairmen is doing something to your big breasted
teacher in detention!"
"WHAT!!!!!"
"Yeah, work some of that fat off and look for yourself, you Goodyear blimp!"
*DIAL TONE*
"It's safe to come out now, Mustadio!"
"Cool! Thanks. Now, where's them binoculars so I can watch this freakshow!"
"What? The clock repairman and the teacher making the beast with four buns or Oradim getting her
exercise for the millenium?"
"Both!"
"You're too young."
"Bullshit. Gimme them binoculars!"
Besrodio looked out the window and saw Oradim having a heart attack at the sight of the two people
making out.
"Burn in hell. Brought to you by Crisco cooking lard." Besrodio laughed until Mustadio snatched the
binoculars.
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Look at her fall. That'll be felt in Igros! LOOK OUT RAMZA!!!"
Next week Mustadio went back to the School for Young Women and was greeted by Oradim's sister,
Emmily.
"You can start by reworking the phone systems!"
"Yes, ma'am."
Mustadio walked past her and smiled.
"Business as usual." Mustadio whispered.