Monty Python and The Holy Materia Orb -- A Parody of FF7

Prologue

:::the scene opens in midgar, with cloud, barret, biggs, wedge, and jessie

about to hop off the train:::

Wedge: :::jumps off and lands on his feet:::

Biggs: :::does the same:::

Jessie: :::does the same, the three run off:::

Cloud: :::jumps off and lands face on the ground::

Barret: :::jumps off and lands feet first on cloud::: Get up, foo!

Cloud: Ugh...:::takes potions from downed guard after barret leaves:::

Guard: :::Gets up::: HEY! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO USE THOSE POTIONS!

Cloud: Oh crud...:::gives guard potions back::: There.

Guard: Thanks! :::shows other guards the potions and all three guards run off:::

Other Downed Guard: Hey! Wait! :::Dies::: Drat.



(inside the number 1 reactor)

Barret: Take this bomb, foo! We gonna set it off and blow up this reactor, foo!

Cloud: Shut up. After this mission im outta here.

:::the two go further into the reactor:::

Cloud: So. Should we mind that thing that looks like a mechanical scorpion with a tail laser near the save point?

Barret: No, Foo. That thing wont work for a million years.

:::the two use the save point then go further into the reactor:::

Barret: Now set the bomb, foo!!

:::cloud sets the bomb:::

Cloud: You hear something?

Barret: Notta thing.

:::the guard scorpion attacks:::

Cloud: Bolt!

Barret: Bolt---oh wait I cant equip materia yet cuz im a clumsy foo.

:::shoots guard scorpion::

:::the guard scorpion puts its tail up:::

Cloud: Barret, be careful. It's gonna counterattack with its laser. Attack while its tail's up!

Barret: If its gonna counterattack with its laser, then why should we attack it?

Cloud: Oops. I mean don't attack while its tails up!

:::the guard scorpion uses tail laser anyway:::

Barret: Heres another mine, foo!

Cloud: :::runs around a lot, and eventually there are two bombs; one set on the guard scorpion and one on the reactor:::

Barret: 10 minutes till Detonation, foo!

:::the two get out in two minutes, and the guard scorpion follows the group like the way that FF8 boss in Dollet does:::

Cloud: Ahh!!!

Barret: Shu'up, chicken wuss.

:::Seifer from ff8 comes in:::

Seifer: Thats my line!! :::casts a bunch of magic on barret and leaves:::

Barret: Shu'up, wussy foo.

Cloud: See this huge sword? If I were a wuss I wouldnt be able to lift it, so Im not a wuss!

Barret: Yeah you are, foo, and I dont know how you're holding that sword wit those wussy little arms of yours!

Cloud: That's what Mr. T said!

End of Prologue.