Written by Cidolfus Orlandu

Cid Highwind lied in the hospital room, smoking his usual Marlboros and cursing Cloud out for bringing the wrong issue of Playboys again. He noticed a young man, walking out of another room with a distraught look on his face. He recognized him as his pool hall and hangar buddy, Mustadio Bunanza. Cid stood up from the bed and walked to him.
"What's wrong, buddy?"
"Father...just died...*SOB*"
Cid hugged Mustadio and let him cry on his chest. Mustadio felt close to Cid because he found he was a role model for him. Cid felt he was a son he will never have. Shera thinks he's dead because he never returned to her after Meteor. It's been three years since the Highwind crashed in the ocean. Strange men in black told him in another hospital, "As long as she knows you're dead, she'll live." and that's why Cid's never returned to Rocket Town. He's never going to, he can't. The shock of him being alive for all this time will literally kill Shera. Cid's only visited Rocket Town and Shera in his dreams. Last he's heard from Cloud and his friends is Shera's moping around, opening the door and seeing if Cid has returned home.
That night, Cloud and Tifa said good bye to Cid before his surgery and Mustadio handed him a get well bear in pilot's gear. Tifa put her hand on Mustadio's shoulder because he volunteered to keep Cid busy before and after surgery. Mustadio fell asleep and never noticed the nurse walk in with a vile of red liquid.
"There you go, Mr. Highwind. This'll make you a nice young lady, just like Dr. Jefferson said it would. Good night, Ms. Highwind."
She attached it to his ivy bag and walked out.
After surgery, Cid unwrapped his guaze pad around his chest...
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!"
Mustadio woke up and looked at Cid. His eyes widened to the size on dinner plates and his jaw dropped. Cid had boobs and a woman's face!!!!!
'She' felt 'around' and screamed.
"W...where's my dick? My balls?!"
Mustadio smiled at the sight of Cid panicing over his/her surgery. The doctor ran in and rejoiced.
"It worked! The sex change potion is a success!!"
Cid stood up and the blanket dropped from her waist. She quickly put the blanket around her waist and screamed her head off at the doctor.
"The WHOLE SURGERY WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO CHANGE ME INTO THIS!!!!!!!???????? I NEVER HAD A HEART PROBLEM???!!!!!!!"
"Uh, no."
"I'M GOING TO BE THIS WOMEN FOREVER!!!?????"
"Not forever, until the potion wears off."
"When's that?"
"Three months."
"THREE MONTHS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????"
"At the least..."
"THE LEAST!!!!!!????????"
The doctor backed up when Cid pulled out her spear.
"@*)#($&@*(*@&^$^%@^*" Cid screamed.
Sidney (Cid) walked out of the hospital with Mustadio. She looked around for the Highwind 2, and found it with it's crew, preparing for its captain. The looks on their faces explained Sidney's predicament.
"Listen up, @ss holes. I'm Cid as Sidney! You will do what I say and no one will get hurt. Take me to Ivalice so I can see Agrias!!!"
"Captain!?"
"Yes, I am the captain but as an experiment gone wrong." The Highwind 2 flew away.
The doctor intern looked at Cid's DNA as a female. He gasped and ran to his boss.
"Sir, there's a flaw in the sex change potion."
"What?"
"The DNA tests confirm that the potion completely changed his gender but there's a slight side effect."
"What? Will he mutate or something?"
"No, he uh she will get incredibly horny!"
"WHAT???!!!!!!!"
"You know what they say about a woman who wants a little boogey?"
"I'm not hip nowadays. Inform me."
"She'll get it anyway she can."
The doctor dropped his reading glasses and ran out the door.
"Wait! I forgot to tell you how it offsets it!!!"
"How? Tell me."
"She must see a real handsome male face or body."
"Where are they headed?"
"Well, I heard the shrimp say they were headed to Ivalice to get someone and then they were going to Figa...."
"FIGARO????? KING EDGAR IS THE WORLD'S BEST LOOKING MAN!!!!
SHE'LL GO NUTS!!!!!!!!!"
The doctor ran in the medicine room to find the antidote. He reached for the phone and called Figaro.
"Figaro Caslte."
"Yes, let me speak with your majesty, please. It's urgent."
"Your royal highness is busy with some ambassadors, right now. Can I leave a message?"
The doctor explained everything. The chancellor dropped the phone, laughing.
"You think this is a joke?"
"That's original, Dr. Jefferson. Call us back if you got a better joke. Next time, don't use the war department line." *DIAL TONE*
Sidney looked around in Igros Castle. The knights kept whistling at her as she and Mustadio walked passed to see Agrias, Beowulf, Orlandu and Ramza sitting around wearing something other than their armor. Sidney's heart started pounding when she saw Beowulf in his cutoff jeans and plain white t-shirt. She sat down next to Agrias and put her hands over her face.
"What's wrong?"
Sdiney whispered in her ear who she really was and her plight and Agrias sat throught it with a slight smirk.
"Hey, Mus. Who's the pilot stripper?" Ramza asked, looking at Sidney. "Where's you find her?"
"She's a friend of the family's..."
"I'M NOT A STRIPPER, RAMZA!!!!!! I'M CID.... SIDNEY... Ci..."
She looked at Beowulf again and sat down.
"What's wrong with her?" Orlandu asked.
"She's had a rough day. She's got a headache and a heartache." Mustadio escorted Sidney to the other room.
"What's going on, Cid?"
"I don't know. All of a sudden, I started feeling woozy when I saw Beowulf."
"We got to get outta here before you get sick. Maybe that potion's given you a bug of some sort."
"It's not a flu bug or anything. Pardon me saying this but I think Beowulf in that outfit is a babe."
"Typical woman for you. Come on, Edgar's going to love you."
The doctor rushed to Figaro but saw the Highwind 2 at the door. "We're too late!!! She's going to get turned on by Edgar and the world's going to come to an end with the first pregnant man."
Sidney was slammed against the wall while in Edgar's arms. They kissed wildly and started taking off clothes. Edgar cleared off his work desk and set Sidney on the desk and took off his shirt and unbuckled his belt. The doctor loaded the antidote gun with the antidote to the sex change potion and shot it at Sidney. Just then...
"GET OFFA ME, SICKO!!!!!!" Cid screamed.
Edgar panicked at the sight of a big nosed, stubble faced, middle aged man sitting on his desk with lingerie on.
"MUSTADIO!!!!!!!!" Cid screamed.
Mustadio quickly ran in to see Cid pounding the hell out of Edgar like a hammer. He was screaming all kinds of profanities and all the threats in the world.
"Cid, calm down!! It could be worse."
"WORSE?? WHAT'S WORSE THAN A TONGUE DOWN YOUR THROAT!!"
Next day Cid woke up and found himself in the Highwind 2 with half his clothes on. He was still wearing his woman's apparrel. The crew was pilotting the airship as usual and their faces as red a beets. Mustadio walking in with a Twizzeler stick and a bottle of Jack Daniels.
"How was your stay as a woman?"
Cid answered in him Mr. Garrison voice, "Stupid people ask stupid questions. Next."

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