[Orbonne Monastery,]
Rofel: Vormav, I just got word that a holy stone was located in the middleof Sweegy woods.
Vormav: Perfect! Since it's almost Meliadoul's birthday we'll go then soshe'll not think I'm some evil guy like what this Final Fantasy Tactics strategy guide says.
Rofel: I think you might ruin that since your going to kill Izlude.
Vormav: The boy is an idiot!
Izlude: Why do you say thing's that hurt me? But you do have a point.
Vormav: Where did you come from?
Izlude: I fled Because Ramza kicked my ... butt. [Vormav and Rofel laugh Andthen collapse on the floor laughing,] It's not funny! A chemist nailed my crotch with a potion!! [Vormav and Rofel laugh harder,] Then Ramza shouted Roshambo and I was kicked in the crotch again!! [Vormav and Rofel almost pass out,] Then a Uribo ran in and knocked me off the bookshelf I was standing on! {Vormav and Rofel start to turn blue from laughter,] Then an Oracle hit me inthe head with his rod thingy!! [Vormav and Rofel try to catch they're breathbut still laugh,] Then Ramza punched in the stomach!! I did the teleport thingy and now I'm here! [Vormav and Rofel stop laughing and try to catchthey're breath,]
Vormav: Anyway, we're going on a camping trip on Meliadoul's birthday!
Izlude: Today is my birthday.
Vormav: It is? I mean of Course it is that's why I am giving you this..uh...[He sees a monopoly set,] This board game thing!
[He hands it to Izlude,]
Izlude: That's what Meliadoul gave me!Vormav: {Whispering,] Rofel, get something now! Izlude, it isn't ready yet.
Izlude: How about one camping trip today and one on Meliadoul's birthday.
Vormav: WHAT?! Do you think I'm made of Camping Trips?!
Izlude: No just--
Vormav: What?! God put me on this planet to provide kids with camping trips?!!
Izlude: NO! We--
Vormav: What?! Want money?! A chocobo?!
Izlude: NO!! WE JUST NEVER SPEND ANYTIME TOGETHER!!!
[He storms off like amad son in a bad soap opera,]
Vormav: For the first time he has a point. Infact that hit me right where it hurts.
Rofel: You mean he secretly kicked in the crotch?
Vormav: Shut up. [He starts to run the direction Izlude went,] IZLUDE!! I'm sorry!!!
Rofel: Well that sucked.
[Izlude room,]
Vormav: I'm sorry!!
Izlude: no.
Vormav: Give daddy a hug!
Izlude: ?!
Vormav: Give me a hug.
Izlude: HELL NO!!
Vormav: Give me a %*$#^ hug...
Izlude: No!
Vormav: Come on! I promise I wont kill you at Riovanes!!
Izlude: No.Vormav: I wont kill you at Riovanes and take you on a camping trip.
Izlude: Okay.
[Izlude and Vormav hug and Vormav smile evilly behind Izlude,]
Vormav: HA HA HA!!! GYA HA HA!! KYA HA HA!!
Izlude: What's so funny?
Vormav: It's something funny Rofel did today.
Rofel: I don't recall doing anything funny...
Vormav: Shut up!
[Later that day, in Sweegy woods,]
Izlude: My first camping trip. Where's the bathroom?
Vormav: See those bushes?
Izlude: Yeah.
Vormav: There's an outhouse right behind them.
Izlude: Thanks. [Uses out house,]
Meliadoul: Uh-oh.
Vormav: What?!
Meliadoul: A dragon is going towards Izlude's out house.
Dragon: RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!! [Uses fire Bracelet on the out house, it tips over,]
Izlude: EW!! I'm covered in... [Dragon starts to jump up and down on the outhouse,] OW! OOH! EEH!! AH! OOF!! GAH!!! S-sword need sword! [Dragon uses allthe other bracelets on the out house,] AAHH!! OUCHIES!! Help!! Dad! Balk!! Meliadoul!! Rofel!! Keletain!! HELP!! I think I'm gonna die!! [Dragonsummons his Hydura and Behemoth friends, they attack the out house,] Why me god?! You said I was your favorite!!
Vormav: I think we should help him...
All: Nah.
Vormav: But he is my son! And he is supposed to die at Riovanes.
Izlude: OUCH!!!!! [Screams in agony,] OW!! [Screams,] AHG!! OUCHIES!!
Vormav: Come on!
Conditions for Winning: Kill Izlude-- I mean kill all enemies.
Vormav: Izlude!! I'm coming to save you!!
Izlude: OUCH!! AGH!! ARGH!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Meliadoul: Brother!!
[Ramza comes in as a guest,]
Ramza: I want to help!! [Gives Izlude an X-potion.] See ya!!
[Runs off,]
Rofel: ?!
Vormav: What the...?!
Balk: ???
Meliadoul: Uh?!
Izlude: HELP!! I'm covered in $h!+ and some blood and I'm burned badly!!
Vormav: Attack!! Armor wont help the heart!! Shell Bust Stab!! [Sincemonsters have no armor there is no effect,] F$^% They're invincible!! Runaway!!! [Izlude hops out of the out house and runs off,] Run away!! Runaway!!!
[Everyone runs away,]
[At the campsite,][Izlude has an entire body cast and is in an artificial lung,]
Izlude: Ouch. It hurts!!
Vormav: Let me just pitch the tent and make a fire and then I'll make dinner.
Izlude: [thinking,] Sure take me out of my misery.
Vormav: I telepathically heard that!!
Izlude: {Thinking,] &$$@!!!!
[After the fire is lit,]Izlude can someone move me closer to the fire? I'm cold. [Meliadoul moves himcloser,] Thanks. [A spark lights his hair on fire,] Oh no!! Oh crap!! OHF*^#!!!!
Vormav: Holy $h!+!!! My son!!
[He pours water on Izlude but misses,]
Izlude: AAAAAHHHH!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!! IT BURNS!! IT BURNS!!!
Vormav: ROFEL! GET MORE WATER!!
Rofel: Uh -- Okay.
[Runs,]
Izlude: AAAAHHHH!!!!! [His hair is burnt off and he's bald,] It's not funny.
Keltan: {laughs} HA HA!! Yes it is! HA HA HA!!!
Meliadoul: He's a victim of male pattern baldness!!
Vormav: Where the hell where you?! His hair lit on fire and it burnt off.Meliadoul: HA HA HA!!!! HA HA!!
Izlude: Why me?! Hurt Meliadoul or Dad!!
God: Okely-Dokely!
[Zaps Meliadoul and Vormav with lightning,]
Izlude: Thanks.
God: Okely-Dokely.
Vormav: When did you get god to do what you say?
Izlude: When I-- {thinking,] Should he know I saved God's life? Wait! Ididn't do that! That was a dream then why did God do that? I AM SO CONFUSED!!Why did I even ask God to do that? Why am I talking to my self? When's Pokemon? I need to go to the bathroom.
Vormav: Well?
Izlude: I'm thinking! {Thinking] I REALLY need to go! God, I can't move and if I go then this Iron lung thing will electrocute me oh $^$% it! Aaaaahhhh.{Gets electrocuted,] WZZZAAWWWOOO!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AOUCH!!! OOCH!!IT HURTZ!!! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!! AGZ!!!! BBBBBBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!
Kletan: ?!
Balk: ?!
Rofel: I have the-- [Sees the bald, bleeding smoking and half dead Izlude,]HA HA!
Vormav: Uh -- That cold only happen if -- GOD! IZLUDE IS DISGUSTING!!! UGH!
Izlude: Ouch.
Vormav: Let's get some sleep and go hunting tomorrow.
Izlude: X-potion please.
[Delita runs in as a guest and gives him anX-potion,] ?!
Rofel: Why are the good guys doing this?!
Kletan: This is weird.
Vormav: First the guy who hates me and then the traitor... WHO NEXT?!
Izlude: {Is fully healed,] Uh -- maybe it's Because they think I'm stillgonna die.
Vormav: {Pulls out his FFT strategy guide,] No here's a warning of glitches, "If the heroes give the villain a potion of something automatically then theyare on confusion or the games is $(^$)*^ up." It's probably ) $^*$ up. [Cid from FF7 runs in and kicks Izlude in the crotch]
Izlude: OUCHIES!! [falls to the ground,]
Vormav: There's nothing about THAT in here.
Cid: I DON'T GIVE A )(#)#(&)%$#&)%(*$(*$^%(*($%$%$*%*%)($%*$&%*$^&(*^%(*$^%(*$&%(*$&%*($&%(*$(*$%( *$%*$*)$%%+$(%$#_ $h!+!!!! I just wanted to do that! Can I come too?[Vormav walks away,] Damn!
Meliadoul: [Sees Balk, Rofel and Kletan laughing at Izlude,] That's not funny.
Rofel: Not but this is. {He throws a shoe at Izlude, hitting him right in the crotch,] HA HA HA!!!
Meliadoul: Your right!! HA HA HA!!!!
Izlude: God hates me.
Vormav: Let's go to sleep. We need to go hunting early.
Meliadoul: But there's a law against hunting here.
Vormav: We're going to hunt!!!
Meliadoul: Ooookay..
Izlude: Can I sleep outside tonight.
Vormav: You were going to sleep out side anyway!
Izlude: Why do you hate me?
Vormav: You killed the hamster!!!
Izlude: What hamster?!
Vormav: Mr. Wuggums! He was my best friend until you shot him with a BB gun!!!
Izlude: I didn't shoot him!!!!
Meliadoul: Let's have a flash back thingy.
[Flash Back Thingy, The Mr. Wuggums Assassination,][Izlude is with a friend shooting cas with BB guns,]Friend Izlude! Take a quick shot!
Izlude: I have the job of Knight Blade I can only use a sword! [Friend changes Izlude to a Mediator,] DAMMIT! Okay. I'll shoot a can. [Mr. Wuggumsis in a tree house,] [Izlude shoots a can,] Wow! Nailed it! [The BB ricochetsof a tree and goes through a window, at a 70* angle away from Mr. Wuggums, apop is heard an Mr. Wuggums Falls to the ground,] [Izlude and his friend seeVormav coming,] Hide the corpse! [Izlude and friend stand and block the deadhamster,]
Vormav: Hi boys {Cats and flys go behind Izlude and his friend,] have youseen Mr. Wuggums? [A cat walks off with Mr. Wuggums' body,] [Gasp} MR.WUGGUMS!!! YOU CURSED SONS OF THE DAMNED!!! GO TO HELL!!! {Chases after thecat,] COME BACK!! HE NEEDS A DESCENT FUNERAL!!
[End of flash back,]
Meliadoul: So the bullet exits away from Mr. Wuggums at a 70* angle through awindow and then fly s ack and hits him. Unless that was one magic BB, that isagainst the laws of physics. There had to have been a second shooter!
Vormav: No! The boy killed him!! {Vormav Kletan and Balk walk away,]
Rofel: Meliadoul, Think we'll ever find out the truth?
Meliadoul: It's a very complex case. I doubt it.
Rofel: Hmm... I agree there was a second shooter. [They walk off into the night,]
[The next morning,]
[Vormav wakes Izlude an everyone else up,]
Vormav: Today something shall die!! Most likely Izlude but we're mostly going to shoot animals! {he hands everyone a gun,] Look, Izlude see that bunny!Shoot it!
Izlude: {Looks at the bunny,] DIE!!!! [Shoots it 10 time the runs up andkicks whats left of it around like a football,]
Meliadoul: Who expected that?
Vormav: I did! That's the same destructive nature he had when he killed
Mr.Wuggums!!???:Mr. Wuggums?
Izlude: Hey your my friend from the flash back!
Meliadoul: The man we need for evidence!! What's you story?
[Flash back, The Mr. Wuggums Assassination,]
Friend: After Izlude shot the BB I then saw the second shooter! It was Marquis Elmdor with a little had gun with a light aiming right at the head of Mr. Wuggums he shot and then aimed at us but he left as he saw Vormav coming.
[After flash back,]
Meliadoul: I knew it! Izlude is cleared!
Vormav: I'm sorry Izlude!! Give me a hug!!
Izlude: Not this again!! [Runs away,]
Vormav: Please forgive me!! I'm sorry!!
[Runs after Izlude,]
Meliadoul: Another case is settled by us The Tingel Twins!
Rofel: You two aren't twins!
Meliadoul: I can pretend can't I? [Dragnet theme plays,]
Izlude: So what else are we gonna do?
Vormav: Search for the Holy Stone-- I mean fishing! [Whispering,] Balk lookfor the Holy Stone while we fish.
Balk: But I don't wanna!
Vormav: DO IT!!
Balk: Fine! {Grumbling,] Stupid Vormav, always telling me what to do. Wish I were boss. {Walks off cursing about Vormav,] [A bomb come up to him andattacks him,] AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!![The stream,]
Izlude: I got one! {Is pulled into the stream,] AAHH!!! {Falls on rocks,]OUCH!!
Rofel: HA HA HA!!!
Meliadoul: It's not funny!!
[Rofel throws a fish at Izlude,]
Izlude: OUCHIES!!
Meliadoul: HA HA HA!!!
Vormav: HEY! I GOT ONE!!! {Pulls out a little minnow,] Ah this thing couldn't feed anything! {Throws it at Izlude but hits Rofel,] HA HA HA!!!!!
[A meadow,]
Balk: {broken and bleeding and panting,] Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins!OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletonsand Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs andSkeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY! Bombsand Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY!Bombs and Skeletons and Goblins! OH MY GOD!!!
[Sees a HUGE Gobbldeguk, thoseClass A goblins,]
Gobbledeguk: RRRRRRRROOOOOOAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!!!!!!
Balk: {wets his pants and Flees,] MMMMMMOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!
Gobbledeguk: Guess he doesn't want to play monopoly! {Walks away,]
[The Stream,]
[Izlude is hurt with Meliadoul serving him soup,]
Izlude: Sorry you have to do this but when those baby red panthers used myarms as chew toys I think they broke them.
Meliadoul: It's okay. I didn't like fishing anyway. [To herself,] I wish I was fishing too.
Vormav: I caught a fish!! Hey Izlude! Hold it for me. {He hands Izlude anundiscovered species of Pirhana,]
Izlude: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! MY HANDS!!!!! I CAN SEE BONE!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!! Vormav: Kill it!! {Shoots the pirhana,]
Meliadoul: I'll get the bandaids!
Vormav: You do that.
Izlude: Why me god? I thought I was your favorite.
God: Sorry I was in the bathroom.
Izldue: Oh.
[The City Of The Holy Stone,]
Balk: [Panting,] It's there! [Grabs the stone, a giant rock falls on him andcrushes him,] OW!
Guard Statue: {Comes to life,] Beat intruder at monopoly-- I mean killintruder!! {steps on Balk,]
Balk: ow.... Kill me, please kill me. {walks off, and gets hurt by everysingle trap,] OW! I forgot about those!
[The Stream,]
Vormav: We're going, Izlude needs a doctor.
Rofel: But what about...
Vormav: We're going. Everyone is here!
[! hour later,]
Balk: I'm back!! [sees no-one,] Huh.
[Jaws theme plays,] Hmm... {jaws jumpsout of the stream on tries to eat Balk,] AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! {Runs,] Wait! Sharksdon't live in fresh water. Hmm... [Kicks the shark,] [A clunk is heard,]
Animotronic shark: GRR!! {eats him and since Animotronic sharks can hurt anything Balk feels little pain,]
Balk: I don't really see the point in this. [Fake shark spits him out, Balk flys to Germinas peak,] AAAAHHHHH!!!!!
The End.