The gang of FFT and FF7 were gathered at the villa in Costa del Sol one lazy Sunday afternoon. They were all sitting around with nothing to do.
Ramza: Hey I'm bored. Is there anything to do around here?
Cloud: *yawn* We could play Old Maid or something like that.
Cid: I don't wanna play some @#%^$# old fart's game!
Orlandu: I resent that! I love that game!
Cid: See what I mean......@#%$%$$%^ geezer...
Shera: Oh Cid, you really shouldn't cuss so much. We have visitors today remember?
Cid: @#@#$$%$#$#%%
Ramza: .....................
Delita: I agree with Cid. There ain't shit to do around here.
Barett: Watch yo mouth, hippie! De're be kids present!
Marlene nods.
Delita: Hippie?? Why you @##%^%$#^#@!#@ fat ass gorilla!!!
Everyone: Diss.....
Delita pounces on Barett and begins to fight with him.
Red XIII: Immature....so immature...
Vincent: ..........................
Mustadio: Hey, come on you two! I have an idea!!
Cid: Gotta go take a piss...be right back.
Cid leaves.
Cloud: So what's your idea?
Ramza: Better not be that counting Cheerios all day crap..man that was one boring project..we were better off sitting around.
Mustadio: Shaddap! Why don't we watch some TV??
Alicia: Excellent idea!!
Barett: Yeah, put da pornos!!!
Cloud: Heh heh..yeah pornos! And Baywatch!
David: *drool* Yeah Pamela Anderson!
Marlene, Tifa and Alicia smack them.
Alicia: You damn pervert!!
David: AH! Damn you woman! Jealous cause Pamela Anderson's got bigger ones than you huh?
Everyone: Diss.....
Alicia grabs the couch and slams it on him.
Tifa: Men! Such perverts!
Beowulf gets up and switches the TV on.
Beowulf: So what do we watch?
Malak grabs the remote and flicks the channel to the Music Channell.
Malak: Cool! They're showing the Jacksons family story!
Rafa: Sweet.
Barett: Go Jacksons! We African Americans rule!!
Cloud: *groan* Man if I wanted to hear cheesy Music, I'd listen to Hanson!
Meliadoul: This sucks! You little twirps better change it now!!
Malak: Maybe I don't want to!
Reis: Do it! I want to watch the homeshopping channel!
Meliadoul: OO yes and find pretty things for my home!!!
Ramza: *groan* Yeah and you always charge everything to my credit card...Why don't you two charge it to Beowulf's card?
Reis: Well because he's my husband! But where will Mel charge it up to? She has no husband! And neither do you.
Ramza:............
Meliadoul snatches the remote from Malak and changes the channel to the homeshopping station.
Aeris: OOOhh..!
Cait Sith: No way! This sucks!!
Meliadoul ignores them and raises the volume. A woman on TV is presenting a new product.
Woman: And now folks, here we have our very own.......
Reis: OO! Ooo!!
Woman: Decorative Egg Cracker!! Finely crafted by the finest porcelin, this egg cracker will crack almost any egg guarenteed!! This fine gadget is yours for only 300, 000 gil and sold only to the first person who calls!!
Yuffie: Oh damn. Now who the hell is gonna be stupid enough to order shit like that....
Vincent: ...................I want one of those.
He gets up to use the phone and attempts to order the product.
(Damn..didn't know Vincent was like that did ya? ^_~ .
Meliadoul: NO!! I gotta have it myself!! Gotta gotta, gotta, gotta.....
She runs over to the phone as well.
Reis: No!! Beowulf and I could use it more than you! IT'S MINE!!
She races over to the phone. The three (Vincent, Meliadoul, and Reis) get into a fist fight in the process, yelling and punching each other out.
Red XIII: ..............so immature...........
Ramza: ...................
Delita: ................
Cloud: ................
Barett: ...................
Crono: ..................(translation: Here we go again stealing my lines.)
Cait Sith grabs him and kicks him out.
Cait Sith: Wrong story, freak!!
Red XIII: ....welp now that that's over with, we can all watch something fun.
He flicks the channel to the Animal Planet, where Animal Rescue was being shown. They were trying to rescue a cat that was trapped in a tree.
Red XIII: Oh my god!! Be careful, be careful!!! Oh what action!
Delita: .........you call this action?? This sucks!!!
Barett: Ain't no one wanna see this mutt's crap! Change 'da channel!
Red XIII: (growling) It's better than the immature crap you all watch!
Aeris: I'm not immature and I think this kind of show is boring!!
Orlandu: CHANGE IT DAMNIT!!! AA!
Suddenly, on Animal Rescue, the cat fell from the tree.
Red XIII: OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!! I CAN' T LOOK!!!
He covers his eyes with his paws. Mustadio takes advantage of this and changes the channel. He surfs the TV until he comes across Bob Villa, who was crafting some boards with his tools.
Mustadio: Cool! Now this is quality TV!
Shera's eyes flash happily.
Shera: Oh yes! I love this show!
Yuffie: Goddamn it, you Mustard-io! This is B-O-R-I-N-G!!
Mustadio: Glad to see you know how to spell, little brat.
Yuffie: YES I DO NOW C-H-A-N-G-E IT NOW!!!
Mustadio: (raises the volume) Shut the hell up you little wench! I'm trying to hear!
Yuffie starts throwing a tantrum and banging the floor.
Yuffie: NOO!!! I want to watch Cartoon Network! Rocky and Bullwinkle!
Beowulf: I agree, but stop whining damnit! I wanna watch Rocky and Bullwinkle too!
Mustadio: No! Bob Villa!
Yuffie: Freak!!
Yuffie pounces on Mustadio and starts beating him for the remote. It flew out of thier hands and into.....
Cid Highwind's hands.
Ramza: Oh crap......
Cloud: Oh no...
Everyone is quiet as Cid raises the remote to the TV.
FF7 and FFT gang: NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid: Heh heh....
He flicks the channel to Dukes of Hazzards. The them song cues up.
Cid: Ain't no one gonna get this baby from me! Ha ha ha ha!
He stuffs the remote in his underwear. Everyone looks away in disgust.
Ramza: Damnit...how we gonna get it back?
Cloud: How 'bout telling that pretty chick, Alicia to do it?
David: I object! He'll never fall for her! She's, uh, ugly.
Alicia: (smacks him) I heard that! You jerk! I gotta get that remote back!
Cid was staring at the TV as if he were worshipping it.
Alicia: Hey, Cid, baby can you do me a favor??
Shera growls angrily. Mustadio holds her back and whispers the plan to her.
Cid: He heh...hey baby...come to Cid.
Alicia: (Eww..) Come on baby cakes....let me have the remote..I promise to give it to you...
David: Grrr....grr!! Ain't no way he's gonna be that stupid to give into her..
Cid reaches into his underwear and hands Alicia the remote.
Alicia: Thanks sugar..*giggle* hee hee!
David: *growling* Gee...then you say I'm the pervert.
Alicia hands the remote to Shera, who smacks Cid with it.
Aeris: Now, what do we watch?
Cloud: PORNO!!!
Delita: Let's watch BayWatch!!
David: *glaring at Alicia* Yeah, lots of of it too!
Cait Sith: Ditto!!
Malak: NO!! African American History!!!
Rafa: Yeah!!
Barrett: Ditto! Gimme the remote!!
(In the other room, Reis, Meliadoul, and Vincent are still fighting).
Red XIII: No!! Let's watch Animal Planet!
Cait Sith: Ditto!! Animal Planet! I want to know what happened to that poor feline!
Yuffie: (still on the floor with Tantrum) Cartoons!!! Damnit!
Beowulf: I agree! But @#$%ing shut up!! You sound like a goddamn preschooler!
Everyone: Diss..
Yuffie: AAAAA! SHUT UP YOU BLONDE GIMP!!
The two start fighting.
Beowulf: You little bitch!!
Mustadio: BOB VILLA, BOB VILLA!!!
Shera: Don't scream!!
Malak: We don't wanna watch some old fart play with his tools!!
David: Heh heh.....tools.....
Cid: GODDAMNIT!!!! @#$#@%##@$#@#$#$%$^%^&^%&%#$#@$#%$%^%$%$#$#$#%$#^$%^%$^%$^^$$#^%##^%$#^$#&%^&%$^&$#%$%^%$^%$^%$&%$^&$##@#@$@!$%
@#@$#@!!!!!!!!!
Tifa: (From kitchen) EEEEEEEE!!!!!
Cloud: Oh no!!! What's wrong Tifa??
Tifa: (pointing to Rad) That little fat @$$ ate the meal I was going to serve for you! Now I can't impress you!! Wai!
Rad looks smug,proud and farts out loud.
Aeris: Excuse me?? Cloud is mine!!
Tifa: No! MINE!!!!
They fight as usual and pull each other's hair.
Cid: Hey Alicia, wanna reach in for the remote again?
Alicia: NO!! Pervert!!
She bitch slaps him.
David: Go Alicia!!
Everyone is out of control (obviously) and fighting mercilessly.
Ramza: So much for TV.........
Suddenly, a loud, loud crash is being heard next to them. Everyone stops for a second as the smoke clears..it is Sephiroth and Altima, the angel.
FF7 gang: Sephiroth!!! (they draw thier swords)
FFT gang: Altima!! (they get thier swords too).
Sephiroth: Whoah!! Hold the phone a minute!!
Altima: Yeah..cool yer damn jets brats!! We just want something simple!
Cloud: Whaddya want!!!
Ramza: Whatever it is...get it and go!
Sephiroth: Geez...I just wanted to hang with all of my friends...Boo...
Altima: Boo...oh well...lets get what we wanted.
Sephiroth grabs the remote from Shera and flicks the TV on.
Delita: Heh? What the hell do you want with our remote.
Altima: We wanna watch TV! What else?
Mustadio: .......................
Orlandu: ................this is pretty #@%$ ed up.
Barett: No kidding.
Altima: We wanna watch Barney and Pals!!
Cloud: NO!! Anything but that crap!
Sephiroth: (pulls out Masamune) got a problem with it? If so....(swings his sword around).
Everyone: ......*gulp*
Altima: Now....
The two evil villians turn on the TV to "Barney and Friends". They sit on the couch and start watching it attentively.
Ramza: Damnit...so much for...
Cloud: TV..........
Disclaimer: All characters copyright by Square and the story is copyright by me. Please don't bother suing, I can' t even afford a used car.