I could choose Kakita Teyage. Had my father lived and continued on as an Emerald Magistrate, I might have promised to him while quite young. It would have been logical. Our fathers were good friends, and were of like age and getting along well as children.
Marriage to Teyage would not be such a bad thing. We still get along well, but I would only be allowed to be mere wife in public. The Crane do tend to be very particular about such things. I know that Teyage would give me what freedom he could, and any advice I gave to him would be freely accepted, even appreciated, so long as I kept such things confined to our private rooms. He would benefit from my ability, and I would have to remain content with his private acknowledgement.
Then, there is Seppun Tasunori. He is a distant Imperial cousin, and the added prestige would be good for my dealings at court. He is a shy man whose first love will always and ever be his art. He is an exceedingly fine poet.
All Tasunori really wants is to be left to write his poems. If we married, he has already made it clear that he would be more than willing to take my name and look after our house. It would be solely a marriage of convenience. He would get the privacy he seeks, and I would be able to pursue my calling. It has the added bonus of the glory and honor he would bring to my family and clan.
And last, and least appealing, is Ide Ryumo. He is my maternal uncle's choice to take over as Ide family daimyo . . . provided that he win my hand in marriage. I think it is Manabu's test of worthiness, and I suppose that I should try to feel flattered rather than annoyed. Ryumo tries very hard to consider my feelings, but all he really sees is the chance to elevate himself to the position of a family daimyo through marriage to that daimyo's niece.
It's not an attractive choice, but it would serve my clan. I would never in any way be allowed to be anything but a wife. Ryumo is too proud to ever ask my advice on anything, and I know from my dealings with him that he secretly fears that I am a better emissary than he is. To avoid discovering that potentially embarrassing truth, he would keep me chained close with wifely duties and children.
In fact, the only true advantage I can find in the prospect of marrying Ryumo is that I would have children. He would want heirs, and I would have much of their upbringing and initial training to myself. If my talents can no longer be put to use for my clan after my marriage, then at least one of my children might inherit a like talent that I could shape . . ."
Ketsuko rubbed her eyes and laid her pen aside before closing her journal. She was too tired to write anymore, but she knew that sleep would be denied her for some time to come. Her mind and heart were too restless to allow her any peace. Tomorrow, she must decide on a suitor, and she found that she could not . . .
Ketsuko delayed by sipping at her tea. The trapped feeling had not abated. Somehow, this freedom to choose was almost more constraining than quiet acceptance. If she chose poorly, she would suffer for it the rest of her life. If she chose wisely, would she likewise always wonder what might have been?
It was like standing in a room with three doors and being told that you must go through one. Even though the rooms behind the doors could contain unpleasant consequences, you still had to go through one. Somehow, the freedom to choose when one knew the consequences made the choice just that more difficult. Who should she choose? Who or what . ...
"If I must choose," she ventured finally, "I choose to bow to your authority in this matter. You claimed the right to arrange my marriage long ago, great-uncle-sama. I was wrong to try to make that decision on my own. It was never mine to make."
Daiyu stared back at her for a long moment with a raised eyebrow. She had began to think that she might have made a mistake after all when, he laughed.
"So, you found the choice more difficult than you had anticipated," he said after the laughter had died away. "It seems such a simple thing to do when you are not in the position to truly consider the consequences."
"No, I make difficult decisions every day," she portested.
"Yes, you do make decisions as Emerald Magistrate, but seldom are those choices as personal as this one is," he replied soberly. "I think, perhaps, that your heart has gotten in the way. In view of this conflict I sense, I should choose the suitor that will confuse your duties the least. Well, we shall see, child. I will think on it this night, and tomorrow at this time we will take tea with your new betrothed . . ."