"How long does it take you to get comfortable, Toku?" Doji Shizue asked, impatiently awaiting her chance to tell her story.
Toku paused as he stripped off another piece of oversized armor, and placed it in the pile besides him, "Have you ever tried to get 'comfortable' on a flight of stairs in full armor, Shizue?" he asked.
Shizue flashed the young bushi a grin, "Sure, but that's a story for another time. Aren't you done yet?"
Toku let out a sigh as he sunk onto the stairs, legs stretched out, he rested his elbow on the pile of armor. Nodding in answer to Shizue's eager prodding, the Captain of the Imperial Guard sat back and readied himself for a story.
"Bayushi Babble!" Shizue shrieked, mimicking the high pitched whine of Togashi Koan's voice. Even seated Toku jumped, startled, then rolled his eyes, as Shizue did an imitation of Koan's gleefull cackle.
"Koan-sama," Shizue said in her own voice, "It's the truth as far as anyone knows."
"Truth?! Feh!" was the old man's response as he move slowly from one side of the room to the other, "What would an Ikoma know of the truth? They're all a bunch of worthless liars! It's what they're paid for."
Shizue rolled her eyes, but grinned as she watched the old ise zumi fondly. "If you don't believe that Toturi-sama was kidnapped, Koan-sama, what do you think happened?"
"Sama, sama, sama," babbled the old man stopping in his pacing to shake a finger in front of her nose, "Toturi-sama, Koan-sama, Taka-sama, Yama-sama! I've known you since you were this high to a nezumi," Koan growled, holding his hand up to his waist, "I'd think you'd know my name by now, Shizue."
Shizue sighed, "Yes, Koan."
"As for Toturi-sama, who said I didn't think he was kidnapped? I didn't say that! Anyone with half a brain knows he was kidnapped! Which is why that mujina-brained Yasuki Garou insists that the Emperor's been turned into a chicken!"
Shizue blinked, "A chicken?"
Koan nodded, then paused and gave a derisive snort, "No actually, he's a rooster. A black rooster, if you bother to listen to Garou's ratling babble."
Shizue hid a smile behind a delicate hand, deciding it would be less than tactful to note that Koan, apparently, did listen to Yasuki Garou's tales. "Well, if you believe Toturi-sama was kidnapped, then what's wrong with the Ikomas' stories?" Shizue thought it might also be tactful not to let Koan know that they had been her stories and not an Ikoma's he'd been complaining about.
Koan made a dismissive gesture with one hand as he rummaged through the travel pack sitting besides his futon. "The problem with Ikoma," he muttered with his back turned, "Is that they insist on making every bad thing that happens into some kind of insidious Scorpion plot! And, since they're Lions, the only way to solve the dilema is a couple of glorious military campaigns and maybe a heroic quest!"
"But the Scorpion aren't even in the story," Shizue protested, "They've been exiled!"
"Well, that just proves they didn't do it, now doesn't it!" Koan stood up and faced her, a wide, self satisfied grin upon his face. Shizue just shook her head in disbelief and let the old man continue.
"The problem isn't that the Ikoma made up a story about the Emperor being kidnapped. The problem is that they don't know the real reason why!"
For a split second Shizue debated whether it would really be worth asking, but she was in the mood for a tale, and Koan did tell good stories, "Alright, Koan, what's the real reason for the Emperor's disappearance?"
"The Silken Championship!" the old man announced grandly.
Shizue sat blinking, waiting for the rest of the explanation. Koan just stood grinning smugly, apparently assuming that his simple proclamation had made it all clear. Shizue shook her head, smiling, knowing that a little prodding would be necessary to start this tale, "Koan? Would you tell me about the Silken Championship?" she asked.
Koan grinned and dropped himself down onto the futon with a cackle, "Absolutely," he chortled, "I thought you'd never ask!"
"It all began while Hitomi was whinging over dinner."
"What?" asked Shizue, "Hitomi was doing what over dinner?"
"Whinging," answered Koan gruffly, "She was whinging over dinner."
"What the heck is 'whinging'?" Shizue asked, bemusement clear upon her features.
"By He Who Must Not Be Named's Dark Demon Bride, Shizue! I'm trying to tell a story! Whinging, it's like, well it's like, it's like whining! Only, about as reasonable as a drunk Hida and even less productive. Anyway," the old man gave Shizue a hard look, "Hitomi was whinging about the tattooed men. Over dinner. In the Imperial city of Otosan-Uchi, during the celebration of Toturi's first year as Emperor-
"They're useless! Absolutely useless!" growled the Lady Dragon, the dark fingers of her obsidian hand gouging long furrows into the thick wood of the banquet table.
"Who's useless?" asked Doji Shizue, being your typical nosey Crane, and always ready for the latest rumor.
"Wait," said Toku, looking confused.
"What?" asked Shizue, obviously startled at being interrupted.
"He put you into his story?" asked the young bushi scratching his head.
Shizue blinked, "Yes."
"But it isn't true, is it?" Toku asked, "It didn't really happen like that, and you must have known since you were in the story, but... "
Shizue's sigh interrupted him and when she spoke, it was with the measured tone of someone reminding themselves not to scream, "Toku," Shizue said, flashing a strained smile, "We both know that Togashi Koan is as mentally stable as a one chi Scorpion with a dueling ability. And we both know that his stories are about as realistic as a nonunique Ancestor. It's just a story. It doesn't have to be believable."
"Who's useless?" Doji Shizue repeated, glancing at Toku with a single raised eyebrow. When the young bushi merely shrugged, Shizue grinned and continued.
"The Togashi!" Hitomi growled, "Those Mantis spawned ingrates are about as arrogant and useless as a cross between a Scorpion and a Lion!"
"Hey!" both Yoritomo and Tsuruchi shouted from further up the table. Hitomi blinked and merely stared blankly at the two.
Tsuruchi rose from his chair, puffing out his chest and trying desperately to look impressive, "You can't talk about me like that," the daimyo of the Wasp Clan exclaimed heatedly, "I'm a personal magistrate of the Emerald Champion!"
Hitomi blinked, studying Tsuruchi with a judicious eye, "Well, you don't have the trait 'magistrate'," she pointed out.
Tsuruchi blinked and looked down to study his trait box, "Well, no," he admitted, "But it's in my bio! It's in the Way of the Wasp, in one of the issues of the Shadis magazine! It is!" the bushi said insistently, looking like he was about to cry.
Hitomi just shrugged, "Whatever."
Tsuruchi pouted and grumbled to himself as he sat down dejectedly, "Hitomi's evil," he muttered under his breath.
"What's wrong with the Togashi?" asked Yodin, steering the conversation to safer waters.
Hitomi snarled and her open dislike of the Dragon Clan ise zumi was evident on her features, "Every night," she began, "those ratling thieves sneak into the Agasha botanical gardens and steal as many leaves as they can off of the Agasha's prized 'meiri-huana' plant. They spend the rest of the day rolling the leaves into little bundles, lighting them on fire, and then inhaling the smoke!"
Hitomi rolled her eyes in open disgust, "They say it helps them 'meditate'," she said, the disbelief evident in her voice, "But all they do is sit around staring at blank walls and saying things like- 'I'm gonna tap my white plains and summon a Serra Angle!'; and, 'Well, just be sure you don't get mana burned!'
Hitomi flung her recently emptied goblet at a nearby minor shugenja, laughing wickedly as it smashed into the shugenja's head, rendering the poor fellow unconscious, "heh. Range one attack," she muttered to herself, "Anyway, since Togashi-kami died, they've been utterly pathetic."
"Well, weren't you the one who killed Togashi-kami?" asked Heichi Chokei from the seat next to Hitomi. The Dragon Clan daimyo snarled and grabbed Chokei by the collar, hurling him out of a nearby window.
"Stupid flying nun," she muttered.
"Certainly, not all of the Togashi are useless," interjected Yodin, "Togashi Mitsu is most certainly impressive, and do not all of your Mirumoto duelers benefit from Togashi Yoshi's training?"
"feh," muttered Hitomi, waving a hand dismissively, "I think the Dragon samurai are beginning to rely too heavily on Togashi Yoshi's help. Just yesterday, I saw a four chi Mirumoto lose a duel to Toku! Toku, for crying out loud! And his only excuse was that, Toku had a naginata and struck with no thought. He said that if Yoshi hadn't tired himself out protecting Agasha Gennai from an iajutsu art duel against Daidoji Uji's little cousin, he might have won. 'Might' have won? Against Toku?!"
"Hey," muttered Yoritomo Tsuyu, "Toku can be tough!" the Mantis bushi, fingered his broken naginata, the gleam of postponed vengeance in his eye. He paused, noticing that everyone in the dining hall was gazing at him in disbelief.
"What?!" he demanded, staring challengingly at all the incredulous stares, "Well, he can be!"
"Hey!" demanded Toku frowning, "I can be tough!"
"I know you can, Toku," smiled Shizue, patting the young bushi on the head consolingly.
"Well, what about Mitsu, then?" asked Yodin.
Hitomi shrugged, "Yeah, Mitsu can be useful sometimes. But for every day he does anything approaching productive work, he spends five days loafing around or sleeping. It's just not worth it. I mean, geez, I could make better tattooed men, myself, if I didn't spend so much time trying to deal with the ones I've already got."
Yodin scratched his chin thoughtfully, "You know, I've been doing some redecorating around the monastary. A few extra hands could be awefully helpful."he left the sentence unfinished, looking at Hitomi with one raised eyebrow.
A wide grin began to spread over Hitomi's face, "How soon can you take them?" was all she asked.