GemStone III Humor

"What's a wizzie cloak... a cloak ya dont gotta take off to go into the bushes?" - Bloodsnake

Ever forget to put your armor on before going back out to hunt? Or have you ever trained in trading... by accident? Ever found yourself thinking "tp mari I know, and that horrible itching won't go away"? Ever been killed by a rat? We can help.

A day in the life of a kobold

Our adventure with the kobold starts in a familiar place...the kobold village.

Our filming began right at those key words: A kobold ambles in.

[Kobold Village, Hovel]
The walls of this tiny hut are little more than some crooked branches tied together with twine. Why, the builder didn't 
even bother to pull off the wilted leaves before bundling up the branches into thatch. A strong breeze might collapse the 
whole place, not that anyone would be likely to notice. A forlorn and threadbare cot is the only furnishing.
Obvious exits: out.

>health

You are in good shape.

Maximum Health Points: 15
Remaining Health Points: 15

Maximum Spirit Points: 1
Remaining Spirit Points: 1

>wealth

You have no coins with you.

>blink
You squint your eyes into two beady dots.

>grin
Oh, whatever for?

>inventory
You are holding a javelin.

>groan
You make a low, gutteral noise.

>out

[Kobold Village]
This part of the village is not only shabby, it's boring. Absolutely nothing distinguishes the meritless huts, one from 
another. The kobolds who live here must shuffle off sadly into the forest each day with little hope of anything interesting 
in their pathetic lives... unless they are fortunate enough to find an end to their miserable existences at the swordpoint 
of some Wehnimerian whelp. You also see a javelin, a javelin and a worthless hovel.
Also here: Fakila, Jasperia
Obvious paths: east, northwest.

Fakila says, "There aren't any dang kobolds here!"
Jasperia points at you.
>"Uh oh"
You rasp, "Uh oh"

Fakila says, "YAHOO"

Fakila swings a broadsword at you!
AS: +67 vs DS: +10 with AvD: +30+ d100 roll: +85 = 148
... and hit for 42 points of damage!
Slice to your left fingers.
Nice move.

Looks like you have died again... You have a few moments to watch what happens to you.

Fakila just skinned you. How rude!
Jasperia says, "Nice one"
Fakila searches your body. His putrid hands cause you to crumble into dust.
Fakila says, "Wotta cheapskate no silvers."

You get the peculiar sensation of floating. Slowly a dark blackness surrounds
you. When you awake, you are in a very familiar place....

[Kobold Sanctuary, Altar]
Four gray walls surround you, giving you a sense of security. There is a wooden door to your left that seems to beckon 
you. The only funiture in this room is a large altar right in the middle. Blood and filth stain it after years of constant 
use. You also see a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, and a kobold.
Obvious exits: north

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!

A kobold rasps, "What got you this time?"

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!
A kobold just went north.

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!

A kobold rasps, "Some warrior. I should feel honored, I was his first kill."

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!
A kobold just went north.

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!

A kobold rasps, "Ugh, I hate it when they fry me with magic. Really ruins my digestion."

A kobold just went north.
A kobold just went north.

A kobold just appeared on the altar looking a tad confused and a bit frightened!

moan 
>You moan.

>n

(to be continued)...

[Kobold Sanctuary, Lounge]
You enter a ridicously tiny room. Barely four humans could squeeze into it, yet the designers inteded it to fit at least 
20 kobolds. As you shove your way into this cramped space, you notice that the way back has immediatly disappeared. You 
also see a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a 
kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, and a kobold.
Obvious exits: east, north

A kobold rasps, "Well, my shift is up. See you guys in a few minutes."
A kobold just went east.
A kobold just arrived.
A kobold just went east.
A kobold's pathetic attempt to smile causes him to chip a tooth!
A kobold just arrived.
A kobold rasps, "Anyone got some prozac?"
A kobold swings its head side to side.
A kobold just went east.
A kobold just arrived.

>exp

Level: 1                     Experience: 0
Next level at: 10000         Exp. until next lvl: 10000
Family Fame: Less then nil   Character Fame: Heh
Deeds: N/A                   Deaths this level: Lots
Mana: 0/0 Max

Your mind is clearer then a giantman's mug of ale.

>sigh
You rasp.

A kobold just arrived.
A kobold just went east.
A kobold rasps, "I wonder if the orcs are planning an invasion soon."
A kobold just went north.
A kobold just arrived.
A kobold just arrived.
A kobold points at you.
A kobold just went east.
A kobold rasps, "Hey you! I want you to deliver this chest to our neighbors in the mines. It contains the gems they have 
ordered."

A kobold offers you a golden box.

>accept
You snatch the box into your grubby hands.

>'OK I won't fail.
You rasp, "OK I won't fail."
A kobold just went east.
A kobold rasps, "You better not."
A kobold just arrived.
>n

[Kobold Sanctuary, Infirmirary]
The first thing you notice about this room is that it is slightly cleaner then the others. Cleaner meaning that there is 
no kobold spoor or blood stains on the walls. You still have your regular cockroaches and food waste littered on the ground. 
The screams of several baby kobold ring the air, making you want to bash em all and put the out of their misery, and the 
misery that is yet to come. You also see a kobold mama, a kobold mama, a kobold baby, a kobold mama, a kobold baby, a 
kobold baby, a kobold mama, Stump, a kobold mama, a kobold baby, and a kobold mama.
Obvious exits: north, south

A kobold mama screams!
A kobold mama screams!
Stump says, "C'mon lassie."
A kobold just arrived.
A kobold just went north.
A kobold mama screams!
A kobold baby suddenly falls onto the ground!
Stump says, "Thata girl."
A kobold mama looks a lot better.

>n
[Kobold Sanctuary, Teleporation Room]
A pale blue light fills the room. Three transports are the source of this brilliant luminescinse. One is labeled, 
"Abandoned Village", a second "Kobold Mines" and a third "Hidden Mines". They seem to beckon you in. You also see a kobold, 
a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, a kobold, and a kobold.
Obvious exits: south

A kobold rasps, "I'll see you guys shortly."

A kobold just stepped into a transport labeled, "Abandoned Village"
A kobold just disappeared!

A kobold just arrived.
A kobold screeches, "No! I don't wanna go!!!"

>go kobold mine transport
You step into a transport labeled, "Kobold Mines"

The world around you fills with a blue light. When you are able to see again,
you are in a different place...

(Still to be continued!)...

[Upper Trollfang]
The path is not well defined as you move along the grassy trail. Tall pines sway with the ocean winds that are so prevalent 
here. The grass has been trodden upon in different places here confusing the trail. You also see a cudgel.
Obvious paths: north, south, northwest.

>take cudgel
You pick up a cudgel.

Dimwin just arrived.

>n
[Upper Trollfang]
This hill crest reveals three routes to follow. You have a choice of continuing upward to the ridge crest, or over a small 
hill and into a winding run under the ridge, as the trail downward to the south is the final choice. You also see a kobold 
and a wooden signpost.
Also here: Jeter, Yowassupdude
Obvious paths: south, northeast, northwest.

Yowassupdude swings a two handed sword at a kobold!
AS: +0 vs DS: +30 with AvD: +37 + d100 roll: +29 = +27
A clean miss.

A kobold screeches, "Help me!"
Jeter peers quizzicly at Yowassupdude.
Jeter says, "Mine"
A kobold screeches, "Please!!!!"
Jeter swings a claidhmore at a kobold!
AS: +47 vs DS: +10 with AvD: +45 + d100 roll: +82 = +164
... and hits for 100 points of damage!
Wicked slash slices open the kobold's chest!
Heart and lungs pureed!
Sickening!
The kobold falls to the ground and dies.

>groan
You make a low, guttural sound.

Yowassupdude searches a kobold.
A kobold decays into compost.
Jeter exclaims, "Hey!"
Jeter just punched Yowassupdude!

>nw
[Upper Trollfang]
The steep path makes travel difficult and the sight of not so well balanced boulders on the slopes above you, explains why 
few travellers pass this way. An iron ring is attached to a rusty spike in the rock face and the shredded remains of a 
rope dangles from the ring. You also see a dark hole. 
Obvious paths: north, southeast.

>go hole
[Upper Trollfang, Gully]
A wide lip of rock rises overhead to provide a place of cool shadows. A thick band of low growing shrubs obscures the far 
end of the gully. Small straggly bushes are growing over a pair of rust streaks set into the rocky floor. 
Also here: Funwidcharlie and Geezen
Obvious exits: out.

Funwidcharlie points at you.
Funwidcharlie says, "LOOK A KOBOLD IS HERE IT'S AN INVASION HELP"

>gasp
You snuff up your phelgm.

Geezen hauls off and slaps Funwidcharlie up'side the head!
Geezen says, "shaddup, beavis"

>go shadow
Kobold Mines, Entrance]
This is a wide section of cavern that slopes rapidly downwards into darkness. The rock-strewn floor has been worn smooth 
by the passing of many feet hauling heavy loads. Several smaller caverns and chambers open up in several directions, but 
in the uncertain light their contents remain hidden. Twin streaks of rust vanish downslope into the chill and damp air of 
this benighted domain. You also see a small dark cave and a rusty iron mining cart.
Obvious exits: north, northwest, down, out.

>glance
You nervously dart your eyes about.

>down
[Kobold Mines, Sublevel One]
Several small caverns lead off from this landing. There is a slope running up towards the surface and continuing down into 
the depths. Rusted iron rails gleam dully in the gloom. A broken ore cart sits to one side where it was apparently 
abandoned long ago. Smashed chunks of ore and rusted iron litter the floor and there is a tang of metal in the air.
Also here: Lord Thalior
Obvious exits: north, east, up, down.

>flail
You claw futily at the air.

Thalior grins at you.
Thalior gestures and utters a phrase of magic.

>d
[Kobold Mines, Sublevel Two]
The slope is treacherously steep here and your footing threatens to give way and send you sprawling on the rock floor. 
Several broken shovels and picks are scattered about and one or two ruined iron caps lie, rusting, on the floor. Metal 
rails in the floor continue both up and down the steep slope, but they also branch and pass through some double doors set 
into a walled-up cave entrance.
Also here: Supernewbie, Stupidnewbie
Obvious exits: north, south, west, up, down.

Supernewbie exclaims, "LUNCH"

>kill supernewbie
You swing a cudgel at Supernewbie!
AS: +10 vs DS: +24 with AvD: +15 + d100 roll: +11 = 17
A clean miss.
Round time: 5 sec.

Supernewbie swings a drake falchion at you!
AS: +50 vs DS: +10 with AvD: +37 + d100 roll: +22 = +109
... and hit for 4 point of damage!
Swing at your eye but it catches an eyebrow instead!

** Supernewbie's drake falchion flares with a burst of flame! **
... 10 points of damage!

Burst of flames to back toasts skin nicely.

Stupidnewbie swing a broadsword at you!
AS: +8 vs DS: +10 with AvD: +30 + d100 roll: +93 = 101
... and hit for 1 point of damage!
Weak slash to your right arm.
That doesn't even sting.

Looks like you have died again... You have a few moments to watch what happens to you.

Stupidnewbie throws back his head and howls!
Supernewbie glares at Stupidnewbie.

Stupidnewbie searches your body. His putrid hands cause you to crumble into dust.

Stupidnewbie discovers your gold box!
Stupidnewbie yells "I AM THE MASTER"
Supernewbie picks up a gold box.
Stupidnewbie says, "HEY THAT IS MINE"
Supernewbie says, "Well I practicly killed it you did 1 damage."

Stupidnewbie punches Supernewbie!
Supernewbie punches Stupidnewbie!
Stupidnewbie punches Supernewbie!
Supernewbie punches Stupidnewbie!

You get the peculiar sensation of floating. Slowly a dark blackness surrounds you. When you awake, you are in a very 
familiar place....

The GemStone/Star Wars Adventure

[Wehnimer's, Treehouse]
As you pick your way through the branches, you come to a small platform built of planks in a fork of the trunk. There is 
just enough room on the platform to sit and dangle your legs over the edge. A glance through the foliage gives you a 
bird's-eye view of the town square. You also see a tattered squirrel's nest tucked between two sturdy branches.

>yawn
You yawn.

The tree begins to shake violently, causing everyone to be shaken to the ground!
You continue falling.... falling.... falling....

>'What the heck?
You are at a loss for words right now.

You finnaly hit a cold metal floor. When you awaken you see...

[Death Star, Emperor's Chamber]
You're standing in a dark lit room. The floor is cold black metal, and the walls are filled with lights. Through what 
appears to be a window, you see many massive ships, which appear to be in combat. You also see the emperor's chair with 
something on it.
Also here: Lord Vader, the Emperor who is sitting, Luke.

>look on chair
On the emperor's chair you see a lightsaber.

>hide
You attempt to blend into your surroundings, confident that no has seen you do so. Roundtime 3 sec.

>get vul broad
>remove shield

You remove a vultite broadsword from a finely toothed puma hide scabbard.
You swing a black vultite shield from over your shoulder.

The Emperor says, "Take your Jedi weapon. Use it, strike me down with all or your hatred, and your journey towards the 
dark side will be complete!"

You notice a lightsaber flying into Luke's hand!

Luke swings a lightsaber at Darth Vader!
AS: +117 vs DS: +250 with AvD: +35 + d100 roll: +54 = +14
A clean miss!

The Emperor says 'Heh ha ha ha ha!'

>stance offensive
You are now in offensive stance.

>amb vader right hand
You come out of hiding. You fail to find an opening to strike. Roundtime: 5 sec.

>'Dernit!
You say, "Dernit!"

Vader says, "What is this? Luke, you coward, you KNOW you cannot defeat the dark side, so you bring this scum with you."
Luke says, "No, no! I never saw him before ever."
The emperor says, "Strange, I sense young Skywalker is telling the truth. This must be a pityful rebel assasin."

>'Nay, I fell out of a treehouse, and ended up here for some reason.
You say, "Nay, I fell out of a treehouse, and ended up here for some reason."

The emperor glances at you.

>tickle emperor
You tickle the emperor.

The emperor says, "Do not tickle me. Now you shall die!"
The emperor gestures and utters a phrase of magic.

>stance defensive
You are now in defensive stance.

>The emperor gestures at you!
The emperor hurls an extremely powerful bolt of lightning at you!
AS: +355 vs DS: +450 with AvD: +102 + d100 roll: +99 = +101
... and hits for 72 points of damage!
Shocking jolt sends you to the floor weeping!
You are stunned for 9 rounds!

The emperor says, "Now, back to young Skywalker."
Vader searches around for a moment.
Vader says, "You cannot hide forever Luke."
Vader searches around for a moment.
Vader says, "Give in to the dark side, it is your only way out."
Vader searches around for a moment.
Vader says, "Your friends on the endor moon, your feelings are strong for them.... especially for.... sister."
Vader searches around for a moment.
Vader says, "SO! You have a twin sister! Your feelings have now betrayed her too. If you cannot be turned to the dark 
side, then perhaps she will!"
You hear the voice of Luke say, "NO!!!"

Luke leaps and attacks from hiding!
Luke swings a lightsaber at Vader!
AS: +255 vs DS: +250 with AvD: +35 + d100 roll: +87 = +115
... and hit for 16 points of damage!
Slash to Vader's saber arm!
Shears off a thin layer of rubber suit!

You are no longer stunned.

>prep 117
You prepare the Spirit Strike spell.
Your spell is ready.

>cast at luke

You gesture at Luke. A invisible force guides him.

Luke swings a lightsaber at Vader!
AS: +330 vs DS: +250 with AvD: +35 + d100 roll: +54 = +175
... and hit for 42 points of damage! Neck removed, head falls to ground.
Vader falls to the ground, having breathed his last.

>skin Vader
You botched the job, the Vader pelt is ruined.

>search Vader
You search Darth Vader. He carried a shining black mask, shining black armor, a shining black cloak, shiny black gloves, 
and shiny black boots.
He also carried a lightsaber.
Vaders body decays into compost.

>wear shield
You sling a black vultite shield over your shoulder.

>get lightsaber
You pick up a lightsaber.

>put light in my cloak
You put a lightsaber in your fire elemental hide cloak.

>rem shi
You swing a black vultite shield from over your shoulder.

Luke says, "NO! What have you done?"

>'I dinnae know why ye ask me that, twas only helping you out.
You say, "I dinnae know why ye ask me that, twas only helping you out."

>shrug
You shrug.

Suddenly, Luke burst into tears!
Luke says, "Father!"

The emperor stands up.
The emperor glares at you.

>poke emperor
You poke the emperor in the ribs.

>lean emperor
You lean on the emperor.

The emperor says "FOOL! Who do you think you are coming in here!"

>'I be just another adventurer in this land we call Elanthia!
You say, "I be just another adventurer in this land we call Elanthia!"

Out of the corner of your eye, you notice a big ship crashing into the death star. 
The death star begins to shake violently!
Luke falls to the ground!
The Emperor falls to the ground!
You fall to the ground!
Roundtime: 10 seconds.

The emperor says, "I have no more time left to deal with you."

>stand
You stand back up.

The emperor stands back up. 
Luke stands back up.
Luke just went through an exit, dragging a shiny black helmet behind him.

>'Ye dinnae understand wha ye are doin, tis wrong good sir, and I cannae allow it to carry on. 
You say, "Ye dinnae understand wha ye are doin, tis wrong good sir, and I cannae allow it to carry on."

>smile emperor
You smile at the emperor.

The emperor gestures and utters a phrase of magic.

The emperor gestures.
You notice lightning bolts arcing out in all directions from his fingers!
AS: +350 vs DS: +400 with AvD: +92 + d100 roll: +32 = +72
... A clean miss!

>prep 917
You prepare the Boil Earth spell.
Your spell is ready.

You notice lightning bolts arcing out in all directions from his fingers!
Extremely powerful lightning arcs out at you!
AS: +350 vs DS: +400 with AvD: +92 + d100 roll: +47 = +89
... A clean miss!

You notice lightning bolts arcing out in all directions from his fingers!
Extremely powerful lightning arcs out at you!
AS: +350 vs DS: +400 with AvD: +92 + d100 roll: +7 = +31
... A clean miss!

>cast emperor
You gesture at the emperor!
The ground beneath the emperor becomes molten!
....+35 points damage!
Chars the left leg. Jagged stump remains.
The emperor screams and falls to the ground grasping his mangled left leg!
He is stunned!

>'Hmph!
You say "Hmph!"

>kick emperor
>kick emperor

You walk over and kick the emperor in the shin! 
You walk over and kick the emperor in the shin!

>laugh
You laugh!

Outside a window, you notice small explosions beginning to envelop the death star! You better get out soon!

>hug emperor
You hug the emperor.

>wave
You wave.

>'Tis been fun good sir, but I'm fried, and need a node to rest in.
You say, "Tis been fun good sir, but I'm fried, and need a node to rest in."

>rem go ring
>wear go ring
You slide a gold ring off your finger. You slide an gold ring onto your finger. Your surroundings shift....

[Wehnimer's, Treehouse]
As you pick your way through the branches, you come to a small platform built of planks in a fork of the trunk. There is 
just enough room on the platform to sit and dangle your legs over the edge. A glance through the foliage gives you a 
bird's-eye view of the town square. You also see a tattered squirrel's nest tucked between two sturdy branches.

>rub my cry amu
You rub your crystal amulet. Your mind begins to open up to the world around you.

You hear the faint thoughts of Newbietwelve thinking:
"SELLING DRAKE FALCHION I GOT FROM THE PREMIE TENT WHERE THE RUNNER IS AT
RIGHT NOW WHO STOLE MY BROADSWORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TTM TTM TTM!!!!"

>think Selling lightsaber, hardly used. Min bid 1k.