Interview with a Little Green Man
I sat at a table at a small café-like place in a square of the Future Place, looking completely inconspicuous, in spite of the fact that no human has ever been there: after all, for all anyone knew, so long as I didn’t do something stupid, I was a Chift in human-form. I looked upward; above, far higher than any avian-form Chift could fly, was the dome of this compound. Compounds are the equivalent of towns on the rogue asteroid where the Future Place is, little bubbles of townships that are exactly alike inevery way except who lives there. The Future Place has no sun, no planets nearby: just a big hunk of rock floating through space with several identical towns dotting its surface.
It was an eerie concept, when you got right down to it.
I forced myself to concentrate on the task at hand. I looked at the cup I was holding; it was a simple, glass cup, no handles or anything, with water inside. A little too much. I took a sip, and, keeping the water in my mouth, looked again; oops, took too much out. I spit a little back in. There - perfect. I swallowed what was in my mouth, then looked around. I wasn’t surprised to find what I was looking for very, very quickly.
“Excuse me?” I called.
Several people looked at me, but I only waved to one, a short, green-skinned, naked person with large, pale green eyes and a sort of blank smile on their face.
“Yes, you, could you come here for a moment? I have to ask you a question.”
The Little Green Man came to my table, and its smile became a little more pronounced.
“You have a question, friend creature? I will answer it, if I can - that is, if it is what you want.”
“Yes, I’d like to ask you a question.”
“Then, yes, please do ask.”
I pointed at the glass on the table. “Is that glass half empty or half full?”
It looked at the glass. Its eyes turned duller, grayer in color. The Little Green Man looked at me again. “I am sorry, friend creature. I do not understand your question.”
“What isn’t there to understand? Is it half empty or half full?”
It looked at the glass again, and the gray-green shade of its eyes turned slightly yellower. “Your question does not make sense, friend creature,” the Little Green Man said, looking at me again. “Which half of the glass are you speaking of?”
It was my turn to be confused. “Which half? The inside half!”
“There are two halves inside.” “Yes, that’s what I said! But is it half empty, or half full?”
Suddenly, understanding appeared on the Little Green Man’s face. “Ah, I understand now, friend creature. But, still, your question is incorrect.”
“What do you mean?”
The gray and yellow left the Little Green Man’s eyes, and they turned pale blue, with a hint of their original green. “I mean to say that this glass is completely full.”
“Completely full? No, it’s not! Only half of it has anything in it!”
“You mean that it is in a void?”
I was getting more and more confused. “I didn’t say that.”
“Then it is simply sitting on this table, with liquid in it?”
“Yes!” What was its point??
“Then it is completely full.”
I sighed, annoyed. “How can it be completely full? Only half of it has anything in it!”
The Little Green Man smiled a patient smile. “I am sorry to say that you are wrong, friend creature. If the glass in question is not, in fact, in a vacuum, then its bottom half has a liquid in it, while the other half has breathable air. Neither half is, in fact, empty. Therefore, it is completely full.”
I stared at the Little Green Man for a moment. It stared back, its eyes turning more and more green until the blue was gone.
“I get it,” I said finally. “Somehow, I get it.”
“Have you any more questions for me?”
I shook my head quickly. “Oh, no. No, that’s it. Thank you.”
The Little Green Man nodded. “No, friend creature, thank you. This has been a most entertaining conversation. You are certain that is all?”
“Yes, that’s it.”
With another nod, the Little Green Man left, smiling vacantly, its eyes a pleasant shade of pale green.
Me? I gulped down what was in the glass, and stared at the empty glass.
No, not empty. It was still completely full.
I groaned softly, and held the glass up. “May I have something stronger?” I asked the patron.