Q. Why do dogs live under water?
A. Well, they live under water because fireflies are often blinking at them.
Q. What are the most common gnomes?
A. The most common gnome is the tree gnome. It lives in trees throughout most of the world. The second most common is the water gnome. It lives mostly in the warm, grassy waters of the Arctic. And the third most common gnome is the cave gnome. They live in complicated cave civilizations throughout most of eastern PA. Other common gnomes include grass gnomes, shoe gnomes, and sky gnomes.
Q. What is the strongest known living animal?
A. A dead duck! Throw a Sweet-Tart at it.
Q. How do I stop a dead duck from charging?
A. Throw a Sweet-Tart at it!
Q. Why do birds have such long noses?
A. All the better to see you with, my pretty!
Q. If I were looking for the best way to auction off my cat, how would I go about doing that?
A. There's three ways you can go about doing this:
1. Go to any participating grocer (there should be a sign in their front window saying 'participating' if they are, in fact, participating), and, from there, bellow with all your might. And after that, well, the cat is all but auctioned.
2. Usually you can find a simple message written in a certain confection. Find at least three of these messages, attach them to your beloved Fluffy or Spot or Nummy-Muffin or whatever the cat's name is, and send him or her (as the case may be) down the sewer. Wait three weeks. If the cat or the confections haven't returned, then you're golden.
Or silver. I'm not really sure.
3. There's a man who wears an ugly, puke-green suit. Avoid him at all costs.
Q. Do YOU have a question but are afraid to ask?
A. I'm sure you do! E-Mail (isn't the internet wonderful?) Me.