Hello

     If you have come here, I can only
assume that you are interested in how I
would describe my condition, Asperger
Syndrome.
     There are 2 ways I would... 


First I will describe the overloads.

     Have you ever seen a renaissance 
painting, or been at a convention of some 
sort, or some place that is as busy as a 
crowded subway station? Have you tried to
take in all of the information at once?
      Do you remember how disorienting and
confusing and dizzying it was?
     Now, multiply that feeling by at
least 10. Imagine that would come
from just being at a normal party, or in
a busy class room, or at a restaurant.
     Now, what if that happened almost
every other day...
    	That is what the overloads are like.



Now, for the Rest.
     Imagine your self in a boat, in a
churning sea, with the waves 20 feet from
taught to crest. The Boat comes VERY close
to scraping on a reef at the low points, and
to capsizing at the top.
     You look for an oar, or something to
paddle to shore with, and all you can find
is a rotted board... and a rope...
     You begin to paddle... eventually
someone on the shore sees you and sounds a
cry. People come to the shore, a few at a
time.
     You tie the rope to the bow of the
ship and the piece of wood, and through the
wood, that the waves closer to shore
carry it to them...
     You have given up much of your
control over the situation, and yet
still have some...
     They begin to pull, and you do as
well, some leave, to get help, some new
help comes to relieve old straining
muscles, you come closer and closer to
shore all the time... but you begin
to despair... will shore ever really
come? The boat will surely sink first...
and you almost give up, but to be helped,
you must help your self to have hope... and
help them to help you... and one person
does not pull on the rope, but over the
surf shouts encouragement’s to you, that
everything will be alright... that 
person is the most important of all...

    Now, imagine that the boat is your
stability and sanity and strength of mind,
that the troughs are points of almost no
emotion... and the crests are moments of
supreme sorrow, or rage or both, more
potent than most people normally feel...
    The rope is your contact with others,
your talking with them, and their only way
to help you. Sever that line, and you are
lost.
     The people represent the people who
try to help, teachers, friends... the
people that often pass in and out of your
life, often leaving because of the strain
of being your friends, those who stay, are
your family.
     The one person who keeps assuring you
over and over again... is God... who is
always there, always encouraging, always
waiting for you to arrive at the final
location... (that is who it is for me, it
might not be for other people).



     That is what it is like for me almost
every day... that is what it feels like to
have the rages, the points of almost no
emotion, and to see friends leave because I
drive them away by who I am...



that.... is Asperger Syndrome.... in my own words...

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