[Scene: Outside a roadside diner in the bad South Side of Cybertron. There is a Generic Prowl in vehicle mode propped up on bricks off to one side. There is a sign out the front saying "Kerb yer mutant"]

[Inside the diner. Quickstrike is taking orders behind the counter, while Inferno is cooking. The diner is filled with Beast Machines characters who's toys didn't make it into the show - Longhorn, Snarl and so on. Ravage's head sits on the counter with paper serviettes stuffed in its mouth. Injector is mounted on one wall. There are several bowling trophies on a shelf behind the counter. There is a clip-board on the register with "Sign up" on the top in big letters]

Inferno: So how many does that make for the day?

Quickstrike: Let's see... [Takes clip-board] None.

Inferno: I see... And how many for the whole thing so far?

Quickstrike: Let's see... [Flips over a few pages] None!

Inferno: Excellent!

Quickstrike: We've got no entries and that's good?

Inferno: Yes! That way the trophy will not go to an enemy of the colony, no matter what happens! The royalty shall be pleased! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Quickstrike: Some days, I worry.

Inferno: Why, thank you.

Quickstrike: ... [He replaces the board] Maybe if we offered a better prize.

Inferno: Well who wouldn't want the trophy?

[Zoom in on the trophy. It’s a spectaularily ugly faux-wood with gold-colored plastic piece depicting Quickstrike and Inferno carrying bowling boards]

Quickstrike: Maybe if we offered them something they could do something with.

Inferno: That's only redeemable here!

Quickstrike: Good call, slappy. Maybe you ain't entirely stupid after all.

Inferno: Slappy?

Quickstrike: Slappy?

[Quickstrike - the BM wolf thingy, not the BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy - walks up to the counter]

Quickstrike [BM Wolf thingy]: What's this about a prize?

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Er... yeah. We're holding a bowling tournament. First prize is...

Inferno: A one hundred credit food voucher for this fine establishment!

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: As well as this attractive trophy.

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: I'm not too sure...

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Y'all also get to hang out in a recently discovered abandoned bowling alley.

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: Is there any chance of... [shudder] Nightscream showing up?

Inferno: He's banned. If he shows up he shall BUUUUUURRRRRRRNNNN in the name of keeping this place free of annoying characters.

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: Well... I'm not to into the prize. But keeping away from Nightscream is good enough for me.

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Sure thing, slappy! Just sign here. [Hands him the clipboard]

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: Thanks [Signs it] Er... slappy?

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Slappy.

Inferno: Slappy?

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: By the way, I didn't catch the name, pardner.

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: Quickstrike.

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Yeah, but what's yer name?

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: I said, Quickstrike.

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: Yeah, ya got my attention, but what's yer name, slapnuts?

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: As I said to you before, Quickstrike.

Inferno: Slapnuts?

Quickstrike [BW scorpion-snake Fuzor thingy]: What did yer say to me before? Ah didn't catch it!

Quickstrike [BM wolf thingy]: Oh, forget it. [He leaves]

Quickstrike: Geez, what crawled up his keister and went into stasis lock? [Takes board] Well lookey here. Says here his name's Quickstrike.

Inferno: So why didn't he tell us that before?

Quickstrike: Beats me. Some people are so stupid.

Ravage's head: You know, without me, this place would fall apart.

[Scene change! The interior of a newly-discovered abandoned bowling alley. Inferno is manning the snack bar while Quickstrike is addressing the competitors.]

Quickstrike: Now before we begin, Ah just gotta check that y'all are here. Let's see... Scavenger?

Scavenger [BW Transmetal Ant]: Yo!

Quickstrike: Check. Scavenger?

Scavenger [Vehicon]: Here.

Quickstrike: Check. Sky Shadow?

Sky Shadow: Present.

Quickstrike: Check. Sonar?

Sonar: Yeah.

Quickstrike: Check. Sea Clamp?

Sea Clamp: Here.

Quickstrike: Check. Scarem?

Sacrem: Yeah, what?

Quickstrike: Check. Razorclaw?

Razorclaw [BW Crab]: Yeppers.

Quickstrike: Check. Tankorr?

Tankor: Yeah.

Quickstrike: Hang on.. Yer not Tankorr! Tankorr's blue and has no legs! Yer black and do have legs!

Tankor: That's cause I'm Tankor.

Quickstrike: That's what I said.

Ravage's head: Here we go again...

Tankor: No, I'm Tankor. The blue guy with no legs is Tankorr.

Quickstrike: Right. I'll jus' put y'all down as Tankor[r].

Tankor: TANKOR SMASH! [He blows a hole in the wall and runs out to the car park]

Quickstrike: Geez... what's up with him. [Shrugs] Well, that's everyone, save fer one guy who ran out... and another guy who ain't here yet and I can't be bothered. The rules are simple. Last one to die wins... Er... hang on... [Flips through notes] The guy with the highest score at the end of the day wins. And the day ends when we get sick of it, the cops arrive or Inferno runs out of stock. Good luck partners!

[He sits by the snack bar]

Inferno: I was just thinking... this could be a difficult contest.

Quickstrike: How so?

Inferno: Look at everyone's hands.

[Quick close ups of everyone's hands. Scavenger (BW) has two drills. Scavenger (BM) has chunky claws. Scarem has mandibles. Razorclaw has crab claws. Sonar two oversized claws. Sea Clamp has lobster claws. Sky Shadow has a lizard head and a huge blade. Obsidian has two missile launchers. Each one of them holds a grossly misshapen bowling ball]

Quickstrike: This could get messy.

[Montage of the bowlers in action. Misshapen bowling balls fly into gutters, bounce off rails, hit each other, fly into other lanes and stop halfway down lanes. Not a single pin is hit]

Inferno: How's it going?

Quickstrike: Tragic. How's things goin' here?

Inferno: Terrible. These chili dogs have been here since before the great war. I haven't sold one yet.

Quickstrtike: You should re-package them as historical relics.

Inferno: Good plan. [Shouting] Artifacts! Get your historical artifacts here! Ancient relics of bygone civilizations!

[Tankorr rolls up to the counter]

Tankorr: I'll have two.

Optimus Primal: No! Those chili dogs are vital to the restoration of Cybertron! Without them, the balance cannot be achieved! We are doomed to everlasting war!

Tankorr: Stuff you, monkeyboy! With this I can take over Cybertron for my own!

Optimus Primal: But why? Look inside you, Rhinox. Find the good, pure spirit that used to exist. Find your inner child.

Tankorr: Screw you, monkey. TANKORR SMASH! [He and Primal start fighting. They crash out through the wall]

Inferno: ...This seems to happen to us a lot.

Quickstrike: Stuff this. I'm probably going to give it too the first one to actually hit a pin.

[Retrax enters]

Retrax: Sorry I'm late, I've only got a speed of one. Is the competition still going?

Quickstrike: Er... sure. If ya can hit a single pin, yer the winner.

Retrax: Right! [He goes down to a vacant lane]

Quickstrike: Er... don't you want a ball?

Retrax: It's okay. I've got one and my... special technique.

[He runs down the lane, and transforms into his ball-bug mode. The ball-bug rolls down the alley with frightening speed, and demolishes the pins.]

Inferno: Well, that is pretty special.

Quickstrike: Right. [He stands up] Okay, everyone. I've got an important announcement to make. Seeing as none of y'all even hit a single pin save fer Retrax, he gets the prize. Retrax, get on over here and yer can have the trophy.

[Silence]

Quickstrike: Retrax?

[Silence]

Quickstrike: Where in tarnation can he be?

Retrax: Can someone get me? I'm stuck inside the machine and I can't get out.

Quickstrike: There's just no pleasing some people.

Transformers, Beast Wars, Beast Machines and all characters are copyright Hasbro. Don't get too worked up over it. Inferno & Quickstrike's Bowling Tournament was created by Rick R. Mortis.