core
3 days ago, I slept 10 hours. So I stayed up 14 hours.
I had two meals while I stayed up. And I had 6 dreams.
The day before yesterday, I slept 16 hours and stayed up 8 hours.
I had one meal and 10 dreams.
Yesterday, I slept 20 hours and felt I didn't need food anymore.
I probably had more than 16 dreams.
How many hours did I sleep today? Or am I still in a dream?
I'm not hungry, I'm still sleepy. It's very comfortable staying in the bed.
Warm, and no lights.I don't want to wake up. I might be hungry but I'm not so hungry. Even I'm not thirsty.
(Now, I'm shifting the focus) Though I'm closing my eyes, I can see myself. I'm getting smaller. Smaller and smaller.
My hands--- there are five fingers with each hands--- they are becoming one --- one big finger, but not like a finger,
it looks like a thick and short root or something....it really looks like a thick and short root. My feet.
They are also becoming a pair of thick and short roots. My limbs are becoming shorter. Oh, now, I look like a mass.
It looks like a black clod. The color is really black. Ivied. It's ivied. There are lots of narrow roots or something on the surface,
looks like ivy, some of them are red or white, but mostly black. There is the throb of a pulse on some of them.
The mass also looks like a liver ---a black liver. Terrible smell. This smell is excrement's smell. But next moment,
it smells like flowers. These smells come alternately, in every seconds. I can't tell which smell the real is.... maybe the terrible one.
And is it warm? I don't know. Oh, God. I'm getting close to my core. I'm watching the core. My core. The core of I, myself. Oh, now,
I'm thinking about that. I'm going to slice this black mass and eat them. There will be nothing then. Or, I'm going to mash it up.
I just want to mash it up! Give me an earthenware motor and stick. I really want mash it up.
I just want to make sure if it looks like the compound that combined with manganese dioxide and hydrogen peroxide.
I might be able to see steam from that and smell it. I also might be able to see a lot of spermatozoa. They must be dead I don't know why though.
At any rate, the mass is me. The mass is I. When I get tired of doing something to it, I will strew it on the ground. That's it.
Oh, I'm dying to do it. I'm happy now! I still can keep thinking about it, can keep consentration to think about it. I mean I still can keep watching the mass. I didn't take any drugs.
Headache! I got a splitting headache all of a sudden. Please, stop it! Please! Oh, I can hear. I really want to hear nothing, please! There's light.
Stop it! Please! Oh, I'm growing up hastily. My body is expanding....I don't want to be back. I can't stop it. Headache. Street noise. I'm awaken.
I don't want to awake. Let me alone...
I have to accept that I exist right now right here after all.