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(The screen lightens, and Inferna and Sephiroth are visible, both seated in chairs, although NOT the same one (darn^_^).
Inferna: (Coughs for a few seconds) O-kay, this here's our second interview with Seph, the baddie from FFVII. Now, Seph, there's something I've always wanted to know about you...
Sephiroth: (Not sure where this conversation will lead him) Yessssss....?
Inferna: What the HECK is wrong with your eye colour!?
Sephiroth: ??
Inferna: I mean, in some pics, you have green eyes, other you have blue eyes, azure eyes, emerald eyes, lime green eyes, sky blue eyes... the list goes on and on!
Sephiroth: (Realizes) Oh, THAT thing! Well, the thing is, I once found this green Materia when I was younger, and it looked different than any other Materia. So I lifted it up to the sun and looked into it, curious. That was a mistake. It was a rare Materia all right, an Irozuke" Materia!
Inferna:..........And, what's an Irozuke Materia do, exactly?
Sephiroth: Exactly what it says! "Irozuke"! "Colour-adder"! You cast the "Colour" Spell, which enables you to colour something in any colour you choose, and there's also the "Rainbow" Spell, which will enable you to deluge whatever you want with a million colours!!
Inferna: So how did THAT affect your eye colour?
Sephiroth: The Irozuke Materia is really sensitive. I guess I squeezed it too hard, and some of the Colour Makou splurted into my eyes! So that's how I've got changing-colour eyes!
Inferna: (Falls out of chair)
Sephiroth: ??? What's wrong?
Inferna: (Gets up, huge teardrop on head) ...I need a drink. (Snaps fingers; crew member quickly passes glass of whiskey, Inferna drinks it)
Inferna: (mumbling) I can't believe that's the reason for his eye-colour...
Sephiroth: Say something!?
Inferna: Oh, nothing! (Nervous grin) Um.. next question. Suppose you were in Yuffie's position, always trying to steal people's Materias and keep them for yourself. What do you think YOU would have done with them if you had all the Materias in the World?
Sephiroth: Hmm...... That's a good question. Let me think about it for a while.
Inferna: Uh, sure.
(Sephiroth ponders the question. Thirty minutes pass. Silence. An hour passes. Most of the camera crew is asleep. 45 more minutes. Sephiroth has taken "The Thinker" statue's position, still thinking. Inferna is reading her entire manga collection which is laid out before her. Another hour more. Inferna has read all her mangas and begins to nod off, Everyone is snoring, Sephiroth is still thinking... Finally, after another half hour...)
Sephiroth: I GOT IT!!
Inferna: (Falls over, the rest of the crew also awaken) Huh? Wha...
Sephiroth: I know what to do if I had all the Materias in the world!
Inferna: (Yawns) Yeah? What would you do?
Sephiroth: With that perfect size and shape, Materias are absolutely perfect for playing marbles!
Inferna: NANI!!??
Sephiroth: I mean, there much stronger than glass marbles, and proof is that when I killed that whats-her-name-girl, and her Materia fell out her hair, it hit the floor of the Underground Palace several times before landing in the water! And Materias are nicely coloured, and they don't have to be carried in a bag, they just need to be kept in your own weapons!
Inferna: (Dumbfounded) ...You spent 2 hours and 45 minutes to think, and the only thing you could come up with was PLAYING MARBLES!?? Nanchuu BAKA nano!?
Sephiroth: "Baka?" (Twitches hand, unsheathes Masamune)
Inferna: Uh-oh. Not again...
Sephiroth: Don't call me BAKA!! (Raises Masamune into the air. Inferna jumps out of the way just before Sephiroth hacks the chair in half. Inferna has managed to take refuge in the supporting posts of the ceiling. Sephiroth is meanwhile going on a killing spree, killing the crew members one after another. Inferna waits for the right moment when Sephiroth has his back turned, then leaps down, grabbing Sephiroth's neck. The Masamune is knocked out of his hand.)
Sephiroth: (Gasping) Argck!!
Inferna: You know, you have really got to get a grip on that temper of yours! (Tightens grip)
Sephiroth: (Somewhat playfully) I thought you liked that quality in me?
Inferna: (Laughs) I do, but only when I'm not battered and bruised and should really be in the hospital's ICU! (Hey, that rhymed!^_^)
Sephiroth: (Manages to break Inferna's grip, throws her aside, and grabs the Masamune) I should have killed you the moment I saw you!
Inferna: Oh, you saw ME first? I'm flattered, 'cause I thought you never noticed!
Sephiroth: (Growls) that's NOT what I meant, and you know it!
Inferna: Yeah, I guess so. But even if you try, you won't be able to kill me.
Sephiroth: (Amused) Oh? Why's that?
Inferna: In this interview, I'm in the form of my alias character! She's immortal! You won't be able to kill me.
Sephiroth: Let's find out. (Rushes in, stabs Inferna through the stomach. **This scene is practically a replica of the Aerith death scene** Inferna falls limp for a while)
Inferna: (Coughs) ......Okay... I'm still alive, see? ...Damn, that stings...
Sephiroth: Then why do you sound like you're suffering?
Inferna: ...I am immortal, but if I'm wounded in a fatal way, I still recieve the pain. ...Do you mind taking your sword out of me now?
Sephiroth: (Pulls the sword out, help Inferna stand up. Miraculously, her wound soon fades away, until it's completely disappeared.
Inferna: (Groan) Well, know that you've seen that, what do you want to do now?
Sephiroth: Huh?
Inferna: You killed the crew, remember? We've got nothing else to do here.
Sephiroth: Hmm. Okay, then let's go to the Materia Shop!
Inferna: Materia? (Realizes, then lets out a small sigh)
Sephiroth: Yeah, so we can try out that--
Inferna: (Finishes)--Materia marbles game, yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, I'm game. I guess anything should be tried once. Let's go.
(The two walk out the door, leaving the mangled, bloody carcasses of the crew.)
Sephiroth: By the way, what kind of Materias do YOU have?
Inferna: Me? Oh, I have the Killarnion Materias.
Sephiroth: The what?
Inferna: Well, you can only get them in the far reaches of a mystical country with 10 provinces, famous for fishing, Mounties, beavers and maple leaves.
Sephiroth: ...Never heard of it.
Inferna: (Shrugs) Anyway, the Killarnion Materias have 3 levels of strentgh, and have different sections of power. For instance, A-Wing Materias concentrate on arts and domestic-related things, B-Wing Materias are for science and languages, C-Wings are physical activities and technology, and D-Wings are math and summons.
Sephiroth: ...O-kay...
Inferna: In Summon spells, you can call upon Midtalos who'll crush your enemies, Addicottei will put Status changes such as Boredom Sleep, Discouraging Insult, and Ultima Irritaion. There are many others, but the most hideous of all is Chappellod. (Shudder)
Sephiroth: How hideous is he?
Inferna: Well... I've never seen it actually, because I don't have the Chappellod Materia. I believe either Shadowfax or Equine/Horsey-Duck has it.
Sephiroth: May God have mercy on their Agendas.
Inferna: Amen!
Heh, this one seems worse than the first one to me! But, if you liked it, I wouldn't mind reading mail about it. FYI, Killarnion is a spinoff of Killarney, the high school I attend. Info on the Killarnion Materias is based around the structure of our school, since we really do have an A-Wing, B-Wing, etc. Midtalos, Addicottei and Chappellod are spinoffs of teachers at Killarney. And the final thing Seph said about "agendas" instead of souls refers to the fact that I (and a few others) referred to our school agendas as souls. We often drew/doodled in them, and that preserved us from boredom. And without them, we felt kinda empty and unfulfilled, so the joke about agenda-souls came up. ^_^