Dear Central Heroes Association Chair,

I am a representative of Various Monsters United. You may be aware that your members have made it their life goals to destroy our members and thus bring peace to their respective worlds. I agree that this is a very noble quest, but it has grave consequences for monsters everywhere.

I urge you to ask your members to cease their needless eradication of monsters. Just over the past year, the size of VMU has halved because of the increase of heroes. I must inform you that this sad decline of monsters is completely unjustified since 99.5% of those killed were merely out on a leisurely stroll. While it is true that 0.5% of our members do purposely antagonise heroes, is it just that so many innocents suffer for the wrongs of few? Does your law execute a city because of one criminal? In fact, if you take time to look over the records of your members' adventures, I am sure that you will find that in many cases, the ultimate villain was not even a monster, but a human!

I admit that some of our members, being ignorant of a human's fragility, may have troubled your villagers occasionally, but is that a reason for your members to seek and destroy the monster? Our members concern themselves with human matters as little as possible, and have no wish to intrude upon your lives. We allow your people to live peacefully in their villages, and even to build their cities on land that rightfully belongs to the monsters who have lived there for generations. The fact that your members have to navigate a complex, puzzle filled maze just to reach one of our more powerful members should be evidence enough of our desire to be untroubled by the human world.

Yet you allow and even encourage your members to go forth and destroy monsters. And for what? For a few coins that we have no use for and would gladly give away if politely asked? Please inform your members that monsters are good-natured creatures who will respond kindly to good intentions. If your members cannot bring themselves to be kind to our members in chance encounters, please at least advocate a policy of non-aggression as we have done at VMU.

As a gesture of my honesty and goodwill, I offer my apologies for any accidental wounds your members might have suffered from any of our startled members. As well, I have sent my personal assistant to personally deliver this letter in peace. Please send your response back with him.

Sincerely,
M. Monster
Head of Various Monsters United

Dear Mr. Monster,

Though I understand your concern, I regret to inform you that I cannot follow your suggestions. The livelihood of all our members is dependent on the killing of monsters. It is necessary to do so not only for monetary gain, but also for the capture of experience points. It is in the accumulation of these points that our members can grow in strength, wisdom, and such. Of course all heroes wish to have the maximum strength and wisdom possible, hence the extermination of your members. As well, our members need a way to amuse themselves and win the hearts of villagers worldwide. Simply attacking the root of the problem, the ultimate villain, is not sufficient.

I am sorry that I cannot help you, but I would advise you to ask your members to cease their leisurely strolls and instead to stay confined in a cave. Though this will not lead to a decrease in your loss, our heroes being equally skilled in both seeking out and destroying monsters, it should minimise the danger to our members who invariably get harmed when they bump into a wandering monster. I encourage you also to maintain your policy of non-aggression, as it is easier for our members to kill monsters when said monsters do nothing in response.

As a gesture of my firm stance in this matter, I have ordered my personal assistant to kill your assistant. I am having this letter delivered by a carrier pidgeon which you may eat if you wish.

Sincerely,
H. Hero
Chair of Central Heroes Association

P.S. I hope you will not be taking this matter to court, as your chances of victory are slim, the VMU being a member-supported guild and the CHA being a government sponsored organisation with many wealthy members in high places.

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