Tome III:
To Rescue Dara...?
Amber...of all who dwell there I should know your deceitful nature...having read of it from afar. I came there with the knowledge of your subtleties, but knowledge does not always equate to wisdom. And so I fall....After my previous nightmarish experiences with the Amberites, one would think I would know better than to again involve myself in their ridiculous plots, but it seems I am slow to learn this painful lesson, and so I became embroiled in their politics...again...and to a similar painful end. My first errors were made of ignorance...my second out of some ridiculous notion of honor, which was a pretty word for some passing human emotion which temporarily overcame me...guilt for something which was not even my conscious doing. But, you see, I felt responsible for her injuries, and so I resolved to rescue Dara...to attempt to redress my original 'sin'.
The whole sordid affair began roughly one year after I had taken over the Channard Institute. Cassilda had been growing very restless; I had been less than attentive with the distractions of my recent research into the Order of the Gash and my latest version of Visceranine (a chemical I synthesized which is capable of rendering unconscious some of the hardier creatures inhabiting reality, such as those possessing the ability to shift their shape and the members of the royal family of Amber). One evening after attending the latest performance of 'Don Juan Triumphant' (a rather sordid little opera written around the turn of the century), Cassilda broached the topic of what had happened to Dara. By this point I had pretty much told her everything, except for the true story of my birth, the Order of the Gash, and many of the details of how the King in Yellow had affected me. Hence she knew of Dara's presence in the Library and the state of her sanity.
Cassilda put forth the notion that perhaps Mandor was holding her prisoner, perhaps slowly making her insanity worse instead of helping her. And the more Cassilda put forth her ideas about this, the more I realized that she was right. There were things Cass didn't understand...she didn't know what had really happened to Dara...she didn't know that I had touched her mind...that at one time we had been one creature. I remembered her thoughts. Vague and distant...distorted by the pain I put her through...but I remembered enough to know that she distrusted Mandor greatly...that as she moved to assault Kianne she was also watching her back for his betrayal. A distant voice in my mind, a fragment of her personality, heard what Cass said and nodded grimly. "That's just like him," Dara told me, calling from the tattered fragments of my remembered past.
And thus I was persuaded to undertake her rescue. Cassilda seemed reticent at this, but in my zeal to do the right thing, I was able to allay her worries.
But there were a number of unanswered questions. Why would he keep her thus? On one hand, Mandor could be retaining her as a bargaining chip with Merlin, who would soon rule Chaos. But I did not understand enough of Merlin to know of his relationship with his mother. If the books were to be believed, then perhaps she was more than adequate to use in controlling him. But wouldn't Merlin suspect? He knew that his mother was in Mandor's 'care', but had made no effort to save her, deferring to his elder brother's wisdom. And for that matter, did Mandor really need a bargaining chip? He could rule Chaos himself if he but made the effort, and if I had observed the situation accurately, Merlin already pretty much followed his brother's lead. And yet my instinct...and my memory of Dara...tells me that she is not safe in his care. Her destruction could unhinge Merlin....
The questions I had been able to posit had no real answers. I needed more information, and so I contacted the only person I knew I could trust. Hence I obtained the assistance of one of the smaller cenobites, altering his form to that of a raven, and sent him to Amber bearing a message for Quynn...and a trump card of the Channard Institute. It wasn't too long before he responded, arriving at my office one day, dressed in overcoat and turtleneck. And so we talked of my concerns.... That I could break in and out of the Library wasn't a worry. My powers were more than adequate in that regard. But I was worried about Dara...in her state she might resist rescue. My initial proposition was as follows, that Quynn bring this idea to the King, and that I would offer my aid, only in the matter of getting them into the Library, locating Dara, and getting them all out. I originally had no intention of serving in any primary role in this little expedition. For that reason, I asked Quynn if he might enlist the aid of Merlin or Corwin. He resisted the idea, however, as they were currently too embroiled in the war on Chaos. He felt this whole issue might be a feint of Mandor's to distract them. (I doubt that highly, given his interest in Merlin's success.) I hesitantly also suggested Talia, as she was family, though I trust her less than Hastur. Quynn felt that she should be rescued, but was unsure of who to ask, as most of Amber was involved in either the Chaos struggle, or with some domestic squabble with Bleys (but I know nothing of this). In the end, he agreed to see what he could do, and that he would get back to me.
Before he left, I gave him the last of my Abyssal Trump...a gesture of good will...I wanted him to know that I could have gone back at any time...that my repentance was sincere. He accepted them without comment. He also asked if I had heard anything of Nicholas. I hadn't, but offered to look into it...discretely, of course. And then he raised his amulet and began to summon energies to carry him away, when I stopped him.
"Um...could you leave the building first? People don't normally just disappear from my office, and my secretary would ask questions." And so he left.
That weekend I looked into the issue of Nicholas and found some very distressing news. He was easy enough to find, in spite of his cloaking spells. Something about his birth that makes us close, I suspect. But I found him...near a corrupted pattern...near what the King called Ambre. And I immediately wondered if he was about to make the same mistake I had. By this point Cassilda had provided me with a number of different trumps: herself, Quynn, Karl, Talia, and several of myself. And, of course, I still had Mandor's trump, safely sealed up in a black silk bag. Using Quynn's trump, I contacted him and told him of Nicholas' whereabouts. As I explained it, the darkness of the corrupted pattern draws one of our mixed blood...he was vulnerable to its pull, and could end up making the same error I had. Quynn took my worry quite seriously, and promised to get back to me. At the same time, he informed me that Talia had refused to aid us in this venture, which incensed me somewhat. Quynn said that he was looking into pulling in outside aid...perhaps from some of Dara's friends in Chaos. I concluded the conversation by passing to him my trump, so that he could contact me more easily.
After our conversation I set about racking and hanging spells for my journey to the Library. For her rescue, I would need all of my available resources. I did not realize that I would end up using them in Ambre, nor that my offer to aid him with Nicholas would be met with such speedy 'enthusiasm'.
When next I heard from him, he was summoning me to a shadow just outside Ambre. I arrived in full golden armor with sword at my side, and immediately startled Prince Chadwick. Talia was there, too, and she managed a passingly contemptuous glance in my direction before resuming her conversation with Flora's son. I ignored her and began examining the environment...almost immediately I felt the pull of Ambre...its sublime resonance calling to me. After some talk, we loaded into Quynn's vehicle and began hellriding to Amber. (Hellriding for someone of my nature, by the way, was quite unpleasant, but then again, so was a car ride with Talia.) Soon enough we arrived outside a great pair of iron gates, and beyond them resonated a kind of necromantic energy similar to that of the Abyssal Pattern, but still different. Over the hill I saw wolves, and immediately felt a rush of panic. But they were unlike the Ghost-Jackals of Carcosa.
Talia explained this when I asked, remarking only 'How unfortunate' when I explained the presence of abyssal hounds in Carcosa. The wolves of Ambre were once her soldiers. The gates were unlocked, but open, and so we proceeded inside. Once in, of course, the gates slammed closed, and nothing Talia did could open them.
Immediately the energy of this place began to have its effect on us. As the cold fog seeped in Quynn drew his cloak in and looked more wary. Chadwick paled, his eyes glazing over slightly...his looks marred for the first time since I'd met him. Strange to say, but his vulnerability seemed to me...almost...delectable. But I cannot fathom why I should feel that way. Talia, though, did not weaken, did not like me grow stronger either. Rather the silvery white of her skin became more of a bone white, and she was like the butterfly become the wasp...somehow darker and more dangerous (if such a thing could be imagined).
Immediately upon the slamming of the gate Talia and Quynn began working at our escape, which I found rather ridiculous. Our White Queen made much ado about us all leaving her...as if somehow this situation was her doing alone...as if we could do nothing (which I later found out to be true, despite her drama). I separated from the group and began to tear through the gate when I noticed a distant figure in the fog, and then jumped back as I felt a stab of logrus energy...a spike, as it were...impale me. I backed off and the strange figure made no further attack; he could have killed me, I realized. That way, it seemed, was also blocked. And so we proceeded up into the dark castle, that was once Talia's home.
Of what happened there, I do not wish to speak much. It is superfluous to my rescue of Dara. There we met Brand and Nicholas and Drakula and Waylan, whom I put to rest and gathered his bones for return home. Talia revealed her vampiric nature, and Nicholas revealed his plans for freeing himself from his father by destroying the pattern of Ambre. And eventually we left, Talia remaining behind. The unfortunate consquence of all of this: Quynn could no longer help me, preoccupied as he was by what was going on in Ambre. But some good came of it...in the form of Chadwick agreeing to aid me. And so he gave me his calling card, so that I might contact him in one day Amber time.
For me, nearly a month passed at the Institute. And so I prepared supper for him, and called for him to join Cassilda and I for dinner, and there we discussed what was happening to Dara in the Library. When he arrived, I must admit that Chadwick looked quite exhausted, as if he had been awake for some time, and without food. Hence he was easily pleased in terms of the cuisine. Over turtle soup and roast venison, we talked. Tentatively, Chadwick agreed to help rescue her, but he seemed very unsure of my ability to get us into the library, especially if I was using Mandor's key. To test my ability, he took my teapot, and made it disappear, placing it in some kind of shadow pocket. Twice I was able to retrieve it with little effort...on the third try I deliberately failed. It's not necessary for him to know just how effective my powers are. He asked of my other abilities, and I let him know that I possessed some affinity with magic (i.e. sorcery and conjuration). He already knew about my...how did he put it...'adaptomorphic' abilities. What a quaint little phrase, like something out of a bad sci-fi movie. To conclude, he asked me to provide him with detailed schematics of the Library, and all the pertinent information I could provide. I typed out the need information, passed it onto him, and began to prepare for my journey.
Over the next few weeks, I flet the gradual building of an incredible impatience...I felt a great anxiety for Dara...wanted to do something immediately to rescue her. I began to feel some resentment towards Chadwick for his reticence and his dawdling. And the more I mulled it over, the more I realized that we would not be able to rescue her. Chadwick bore the Pattern's imprint strongly, and if he believed us unable to accomplish our goal, then we would not succeed. You see, the Pattern gives them influence over all of reality in some way. When Corwin, Random, and Flora first battled those strange Shadow minions of Fiona, Flora made a strange comment. She said, "I have decided that it is improbable that she [the maid, Carmella] will answer the door." That passage stood out to me...something strange. And as I learned more, it occurred to me that many of the Amberites do possess some strange ability to influence probability. Quite simply, things work out for them...things go their way. And Chadwick is very much his mother's son. If he had some confidence in our abilities, we might stand a chance. But against both Mandor and Chadwick's defeatism, I cannot prevail. Troubled over this, I went to Cassilda...to find some reassurance.
"Why are you trying so hard?" she asked. "Why are you so set on martyring yourself?"
With that simple question, she made so much clear to me. Why was I so concerned about all this? I could hardly feel guilty about an act which was unconscious on my part...which occurred so long ago...and yet here I was beating myself up over her imprisonment.
"You are right, of course," I replied. "One would think with all my training in psychiatry that I would finally be able to recognize my own hidden motivations."
"Konrad," she said, placing her hand on my shoulder, "you cannot defeat Mandor. And no matter how you attempt to rationalize it, any attempt to challenge him is just your metaphor for self-punishment. I think it is a worthy idea to prove yourself to the Amberites, to claim your place with them, but this is not the way."
"Cassilda, I want so much to be appreciated by them, even though I don't like them," I started. "They consider my corrupt and tainted and so I try to prove myself noble. I feel guilty for unleashing the King, for the wounding of Dara and her subsequent imprisonment, for my grandfather's death, a sacrifice which will mean nothing if I become host to Hastur. Too much is going on and this rescue mission...so simple and straight-forward a goal. How can I help but long for a problem I can solve?"
She did not understand all that I spoke of, but nodded and comforted me.
And suddenly I stood up and smiled. "Enough of this," I proclaimed. "I have already made a number of the Amberites aware of her imprisonment; they are probably already taking steps to rescue her, even if they would not admit as much to me. I must set aside these foolish notions until such time as I know that my intentions are true."
Cassilda smiled and rose.
"Cassilda, my dearest, do you want to return to Amber? Not to the Castle, but to Amber city?" I asked.
"There were some performances I wanted to see...and I have grown a bit tired of Arkham..." she trailed off.
"Then let us go," I replied. "Life is to grand, the possibilities are too limitless...for me to waste my time contemplating martyrdom and self-pity. I will make arrangements for us to go."
"Contact Quynn...he might be of help," she added.
And I only smiled, knowing her interest in Quynn.
The story continues with Tome IV: Return to Amber.