Hello, and welcome to my page about Anime.
Most people think that “Anime”, or Japanese
cartoons, are only for children but this is far from the truth.
Many Japanese cartoons contain material which would
be unsuitable for anyone over the age of 40, and that lack extremely active and
inventive sex lives.
For example, a common theme among “Manga” (or “My
god people actually draw this shit” in English), is gigantic penises. Another
theme is a gigantic clitoris that can transform into a gigantic penis.
Now if you were to show this to children under the
age of 30, they would be affected in terrible, terrible ways. They may even
want to become animators for adult cartoons in the future!!
If you are a resident of Australia (i.e. you live in Australia, not New Zealand, Indonesia or Tasmania), you won’t have to worry about harmful material reaching you. The Australian government work around the clock to ensure that you are shielded from everything except cheesy, intelligence insulting entertainment.
This page will help you do the following:
A)
Despise
all forms of government,
Q) Learn how to find other websites about
Anime and Manga without finding other websites about “Hentai” (“Very similar to
Manga”, in English)
B)
Understand
what the fuck the webmasters of the aforementioned sites are talking about
C)
Discover
if there actually any Japanese cartoons worth watching.
D)
Distinguish between a
Japanese cartoon and a cartoon with poor voice acting, lip-synching and
animation (this is quite difficult)
A: Despising All Forms Of Government.
Please note: Anarchy is not a form of government, it’s a lack of
form of government. Still with me?
Please keep noting: Anarchy is what 10-year old
nerds always claim they support as they use their l33t kiddy scripts to scan
FTP ports for vulnerable spots. Anarchy will not be mentioned at all after this
sentence. Updated daily!
Communism: Just look at China.
Constitutional Monarchy: Australia. Enough said.
Monarchy: England. The residents whine like spoilt
pedigree Labradors.
Republic a.k.a. Democracy: USA. They sue people
heaps, and are extremely inefficient.
Thanks to Australia’s education systems, I can’t
actually think of any more forms of government. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll
search the net for the information, then get nothing but links to some nerd’s
warez and porn site.
B: Finding
Other Websites About Anime & Manga Without Finding Websites About Hentai
This is almost impossible, but with perseverance and
a lot of tissues you may just get through it.
Here are a few tips:
Try something blantantly anime, like www.anime.com, or perhaps www.anime.net.
Make sure you spell Anime: “a-n-i-m-e”,
not “a-y-n-i-m-h-e-n-t-a-i”
Try not to use any search engines.
C: Understanding What The
Fuck The Webmaster Is Talking About
Ok here is where your first steps into the exciting
world of anime and manga become fraught with danger. The problem with many
anime and manga sites is that they are run by people that are big fans of anime
and manga, and therefore are as thick as thick paste.
Here are some definitions of just some of the terms
and emoticons you will find in your travels.
Legend:
O__o
I watch far too much anime
and manga, and I am now partially blind.
^_^
I have been a fan of anime
and manga for over 10 years now, and as a result my eyes have become
equilateral triangles with only two sides, and I never smile.
DBZ
Dragonball Z. The second
season of a predictable, childish action series that the creators tried to make
better by putting a different letter after the title. The final season is DBGT.
No, the GT does not stand
for “Grand Tour”.
Myspace
An online service providing free space with which to
store data. The service only works 5% of the time, and even when it does it is
slow, unreliable, and you can’t resume transfers anyway.
If you see references to Myspace on the anime site
you are browsing, it probably means that the webmaster has uploaded some
incomplete anime which has no sound or subtitles and was never completed due to
lack of interest and finances.
Freespace
The mirror site of Myspace.
D: Discovering If There Are
Any Japanese Cartoons Worth Watching
I have only heard of one:
Rurouni Kenshin.
Apparently it is about a girl becoming samurai
warrior in a time of troubles, and there aren’t any clitoris-morphing scenes in
the entire series.
E: Distinguishing Between A
Japanese Cartoon And A Cartoon With Poor Voice Acting, Lip Synching And
Animation
A true Japanese cartoon will have the following
features:
Each character has massive eyes, with at
least 10 different colour flecks within them.
Every female character has massive
breasts, an almost non-existent waist, and is a huge flirt.
Every male character has a voice that
sounds kinda fruity.
At least half of the cartoon will
consist of a still frame of a character, with a blue background and lots of red
lines everywhere, and the frame of the character will slowly move across the
screen. Sometimes the character’s mouth will move, but nothing else.
The other half of the cartoon will
consist of gigantic teardrops appearing just above character’s brows, followed
by the afflicted character falling over while making an embarrased “nyaaaaaaaa”
noise.
So there you have it! Your guide to anime is now
complete. Thanks for visiting! Updated weekly!