Crazy Big Titted Women: Thanks for taking the time
out to chat with us, Sarah.
Sarah Smith: Not a problem, guys.
CBTW: Now, you are the Chief of Image Design for the Tomb
Raider series of computer games.
SS: I prefer the title ‘Chieftess’, please.
CBTW: Certainly, certainly. You are the Chieftess of
Image Design for the Tomb Raider series of computer games. Now, for our readers,
what does this mean exactly? What is it that you actually do?
SS: Well, I am responsible for the appearance of Lara
Croft in her games, commercials, everything. I designed her image, not just
that of the gun toting, take-no-crap warrior woman, but of the softly spoken,
calm, collected Englishwoman.
CBTW: Well can I just say: congratulations on a job well
done! Every time I play the game I rub against the screen! It’s just fantastic!
SS: Err…
CBTW: But appearances aside… it seems to me that there are
a few conflicts in Lara’s image. For example: her gigantic breasts. Now I’m not
saying I have a problem with women with gigantic breasts – heaven forbid!
All I’m saying is that it seems a little strange to
me that a heroine such as Lara, who has to run and jump around lots, and who is
rich enough to own huge mansions and condo’s all around the world, hasn’t spent
some of her money to get her breasts reduced so that she could be a little more
efficient in combat?
SS: Well, I gave her huge breasts for two
reasons:
One, it ensures that a large number of men will
purchase the game.
Two, Lara is a strong woman, and I want her to be a
role model for young women everywhere.
The large breasts just symbolize Lara’s immense
strength and femininity, and this, I hope, will attract more women to the game.
Please note that a woman’s strength and her
femininity are two totally different things, but they seem very similar,
especially in a halter-top.
CBTW: You don’t think it will make the girls feel
inadequate? I mean say these girls were seeing this chick bounce around tombs
all day long with tiny shorts on and breasts so large that the laws of physics
stretch to include them – surely that has to have some negative effects on
them?
Guys see Lara Croft as a sex object – nothing more,
thanks to your clever design.
Girls see guys seeing Lara as nothing more than a
sex object. Girls try to become better sex objects.
Girls can’t attract as many men as Lara, because
they can never look like Lara. Girls feel inadequate.
SS: You’ve left out the benefits though. Girls see Lara
standing up for what she believes in and fighting evil… --
CBTW: -- … In tiny shorts and a halter top… --
SS: -- … And
they will realize that it is ok to be strong even though they are women… --
CBTW: -- … In tiny shorts and a halter top.
SS: *sighs*
CBTW: I tell you something else that REALLY jacks me off
– male role models!
Take the main character of Final Fantasy VIII – anti
social, insensitive, a total prick. The only reason Rinoa approaches him at
that dance scene is because he’s “the best looking guy here.”
(Why don’t I just start walking up to women, and
asking them to dance “because you are the best looking woman here, and
therefore the only one worthy of my attention.” ?)
Let’s be brutally honest with women. They like
honesty, right Lara?
Or be more like Squall, and just grunt at everything
until some woman finds my dark, brooding, anti-social ways a turn on and dances
with me, starting a whole series of incredible adventures.
SS: You are one pathetic little loser.
CBTW: I’m sorry, what? I didn’t quite catch that; I was
staring at your huge breasts.