Resident Evil. You’ve heard of it. We all have.
It’s one of those ‘survival horror’ games. The
‘survival horror’ genre usually means that the game will involve the main
character walking around a large area, limited by horribly imposing camera angles,
and the fact that he or she has very little idea of what he or she is doing.
There will be some kind of undead monsters attacking the main character, and
the main character will be able to kill them all because he or she finds ammo
boxes all over the fucking place. The ammo boxes can always *always* be used,
there is never ammo for a weapon you don’t have, and if there is, you can save
it for later when you find the weapon (and you will find the weapon).
Anyway. Resident Evil. The game is set in a large
mansion. A small team of police people have ran inside this mansion, chased by
some dangerous looking zombie dogs. I chose to play the character Jill
Valentine, who is very, very stupid. The other character, Chris, is apparently
even stupider, but I find that very hard to believe.
Here are some examples of Jill’s stupidity:
EXAMPLE ONE:
After exploring the first floor of the mansion for a
while, Jill returns to the entrance hall, where one of her teammates(and the
only one she has seen since they all got there) is waiting for her.
Wesker: “This mansion is huge! Lets split up.”
Jill: “Ok.”
Ok??? The mansion is huge!!! Wesker just said that!
Not only that, there are zombies and dogs and spiders and shit everywhere!
You’ve only got a pissy little beretta! I mean sure, you will eventually find a
shotgun, and a weapon that can fire these “acid rounds” you’ve picked up, but
for the moment the place is a madhouse!
EXAMPLE TWO:
On the second floor of the mansion, there is a door
that opens onto a small balcony. A member of the police team is dead, slumped
against a wall with holes in his chest and face. There are black feathers
everywhere, and the sound of ravens flying closer and squawking is clearly
audible.
Jill: “He’s dead! Poor (whoever the guy is)!”
Suffice to say I played this game for far, far too
long.