The monkeys conferred over who would play against Xiop Sooey. Virus was the best at technical things, but was a slow decision maker. Slayer was a quick thinker, but was kinda dumb. Bloode was good at annoying people. "If you can't decide," Xiop Sooey said with irritation, "you can alternate rounds."
"That's a great idea!" Virus exclaimed.
"Who will go first?" Slayer asked.
"First Virus, then Slayer, and then me," Bloode replied.
"Here's the deal," said Xiop Sooey. "We will play nine rounds, and each one of you will play three. If your total wins outnumber my total wins, your little friend Phil will be freed. If you don't, however, the lot of you will be eaten by my giant piece of pizza!"
"Okay," Virus replied. "Let's go." Xiop Sooey turned on the Nutrendo64 game system, and inserted the Noxious Warrior 3 game pak.
"I'll waste ya in three minutes," Xiop Sooey taunted.
"Yeah, right. You couldn't waste the broad side of a chicken sandwich," Virus replied.
"Nuh uh. Well, you have the IQ equivalent of a bag of sand," Xiop Sooey retorted.
"You couldn't beat a bag of sand!"
"You are a bag of sand!"
"Shut up, and get on with the game!" Slayer finally yelled, ending Virus and Xiop Sooey's insult fight. Xiop Sooey and Virus chose their fighters. Xiop Sooey chose a character named Loxx, who was a giant smoked salmon, and Virus chose a character named Deadweight, who looked like a giant barbell. They started fighting. Virus had played before, so he knew a few moves. But Xiop Sooey, who was much more advanced at the game, won the first round easily. The next round, though, Virus was quicker, and threw the old 'Dippy Doodle', and the old 'One Two' on Xiop Sooey, and won the round. By the third round, Virus had learned the 'Dumb Weight' special move, which consisted of Deadweight jumping up in the air, and smashing the other character to the ground.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah! You won!" Xiop Sooey screamed. "I'll waste the big lug I'm playing next, anyway."
"We'll see about that," replied Slayer. Slayer sat down, and they chose their fighter. Xiop Sooey chose a character named Slickwilly, who looked like Bill Clinton. Slayer chose a character named Mr. Frappucino, a giant Frappucino? coffee bottle. The first round, Xiop Sooey's character Slickwilly pulled off his 'Reformed Tax Act' move. It took a whopping 40% off Slayer's life meter. Slayer tried to compensate by using the 'Matltodextrin and Pectin' super move, but Slickwilly used the 'Wasn't Me Who Done That Watergate Junk' special move, and finished Frappucino off. The next round, Slayer used the 'Refrigerate After Opening' move, and before Slickwilly had a chance to react, used the '5õ Deposit' special move, and then finished Xiop Sooey's character off with the 'Broken Glass Bottle' fatality move, which was basically Slayer's character breaking himself, and then cutting Slickwilly up.
"You cheated!" Xiop Sooey screamed. Then they fought the third round. This time, Slayer was not so lucky, because Xiop Sooey wasted him with the 'Cheeto Veto' super move.
"Ha ha ha! In your face! HA!" Xiop Sooey cackled.
"Now," said Bloode.
"Come on, Bloode!" the other two monkeys cheered. "You can do it!" Bloode and Xiop Sooey chose their characters. Xiop Sooey chose Wakky Wodent, a giant cartoonish mouse, and Bloode chose a character named E, a mysterious character veiled in black. The first round, Xiop Sooey won easily by pulling off the 'Limburgher Cheese' move, and then the 'Mickey's a Registered Trademark of Disney' super move. The second round, however, Bloode won, but not too easily. Bloode had used the 'I'm Running Out of Creative Special Moves' special move. It was a strange move; it consisted of E (Bloode's character) going over to Wakky Wodent, and poking him in the eyes, saying "You numbscull!" That move alone depleted all of Wakky Wodent's life meter.
"How'd you do that?!" Xiop Sooey screamed.
"I don't know! It just happened," replied Bloode. Now was the third and final round of Bloode's fight.
"Bloode," said Virus, who had been keeping score, "we're tied, four to four. We just need to win this last one. Good luck." The pressure was on Bloode now. They started the final round. Bloode was sweating so much that he soaked the controller, which then blew up the Nutrendo64.
"You idiot! That system cost me $200!" Xiop Sooey screamed. Xiop Sooey and Bloode got in a fight.
"Numbscull!" screamed Xiop Sooey.
"Lamebrain!" yelled Bloode.
"Numbscull!" Xiop Sooey yelled.
"You said that already, you lamebrain!" Bloode screamed.
"You said that already!" cried Xiop Sooey.
"Shut up!"
"Why don't you?"
"Why the heck should I?"
"Why the heck shouldn't you?" After a couple minutes, the fight settled down.
"Now," said Virus, "how will we break the tie?"
"Uh, we could player checkers," Slayer suggested.
"Nah, too easy," Xiop Sooey replied.
"Well," Virus said, "I could see if I could fix the Nutrendo64." The others agreed, and while they were waiting, they played poker. Slayer won $550 from Xiop Sooey, and $10 from Bloode.
"I think I'll buy a pack of cards, and make some more money," Slayer said.
"Okay, it's fixed," said Virus after about 30 minutes. So Bloode and Xiop Sooey chose their characters, the same ones as before.
"All right, you big sack of goat droppings, let's get this over with," Bloode said.
"Let's," Xiop Sooey replied. The game progressed slowly, neither one using any special moves. Then, Bloode pulled the 'Extremely Bad Grammar' move, which consisted of E saying "I be the goodest fighter 'round these parts", which took 75% off Wakky Wodent's life meter.
"I'll tell you what," Bloode said to Xiop Sooey, "I'll go get a drink of water, and see if you can beat me while I'm gone."
"Hey!" Xiop Sooey screamed. The game continued, and Bloode pulled off the "01010100001011101101010101011111010" move, which consists of the character sending computer messages, telling the other player's character to lose. So, Xiop Sooey lost, and freed Phil. The monkeys found out that Xiop Sooey was indeed a woman, and an ugly one at that. She turned herself in to the cops, and they confiscated all her stuff, except for the Nutrendo64. She was happy about that.