Pinky and the Brain Move a Mountain
By Dagny Scott
"Behold, Pinky, my latest invention. The Maximegamover Supercrane 3000, a machine with which is not only the most powerful crane ever, but also features a megaphone for communication and can turn into a ship. Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?"
"Err, I think so Brain, but what would Mickey Mouse do with 10,000 tons of spam?"
Brain hit Pinky on the head. "No, Pinky, we shall use the Maximegamover Supercrane 3000 to hold Mount Everest, Earth's highest and most treasured mountain for ransom. The only way Earth can regain this towering peak is to appoint me leader of the world!"
"Egad! Brilliant, Brain, Oh but where will we keep it? There's such a mess here, it would just clutter things up."
"No, Pinky, Mount Everest would smash to bits Acme Labs as well as the surrounding area, which is why we'll keep it in the ocean, where no one will notice it. Come, Pinky, we must don our human disguise robot and away to the airport!"
"Why, Brain? To play the 'Mars Attacks!' Limited Edition Collectors pinball game?"
"No, Pinky, as enthralling as that sounds, we must go to the airport to go to Nepal. I have procured luggage with which to take the Maximegamover Supercrane 3000. Come, Pinky!"
So Pinky and Brain went to the airport.
"You have seat 26a," said the ticket agent, "that's above the wing."
"Fine, fine." answered Brain.
"Of course most people prefer one on the plane. A little airport humor for you, sir."
"Ha." said Brain, clearly unamused.
Sometime during the flight, Pinky remarked to Brain, "Gee, I didn't know it would be so hot inside a robot. I'm gonna go get some fresh air."
"No, Pinky," replied Brain, "Someone might..." Pinky had left. "...See you," Brain finished.
The passenger in the next seat was saying, "Of course I believe in animal rights. It's as simple as human rights, really. We shouldn't consider any animal inferior to a human. I mean... AAAAAAHHHHHHU! A MOUSE!!!!!!"
Pinky ran back into the robot.
"Your foolishness almost got us caught. Pinky!"
"Egad! I'm sorry. Brain."
Nonetheless, Pinky and Brain arrived safely at the Katmandu Nepal airport and headed straight for the baggage pickup. They watched all the luggage go around several times, before Brain remarked, "Our luggage isn't here! Someone will pay for this!" They headed for the ticket counter. "Our luggage has not arrived with our plane! It is absent! Gone!" Brain complained to the ticket agent.
"Name and flight, sir." she replied, clearly quite bored with Brain's life crisis.
"Joe Brain, flight 742."
"Aah yes, your baggage seems to have arrived in Murmansk, Mr. Brain."
"But I have arrived here!"
"I see that, sir. Come back tomorrow we'll try to have it here."
"Thank you." said Brain in a manner that made it quite clear that the agent was utterly undeserving of any thanks or even of breathing the same air.
Still, Brain was at the airport the next morning and was reunited with his luggage and received the workers unsincerest apologies. "Sorry for any inconvenience, sir, have a package of stale peanuts with our regards."
"Now, Pinky, we can finally complete our task, hold Mount Everest for ransom and then we can- TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!"
"Naaarrrff..."
Pinky and the Brain arrived at Mount Everest on a clear, perfect day. "Gee, Brain, it's big.. .NARF!"
Brain first spotted a monk by the mountain, addressing a crowd. "It is possible to move mountains. With only thought, you could move the mountain. It is possible." The monk looked up to see everyone running away. "Where are you going?" he asked and then turned around to see the Maximegamover Supercrane 3000. "What are you doing?" he called out.
Brain replied through his megaphone, "We are here to move the mountain!"
"With only thought, you could move the mountain."
"No," replied Brain, "with only the Maximegamover Supercrane 3000 we can move the mountain."
Seeing their intent, the monk ran off. "Finally, we can continue," said Brain.
"Hey, Brain, who are they?" asked Pinky pointing to a speck on the side of the mountain.
"Mountain climbers!" he answered and then through the megaphone, "Who are you?"
One replied, saying, "We're the expedition to top Mount Everest."
"Zort!" said Pinky, "How will you do that?"
"Take the elevator," he replied.
"Stand aside, pitiful climbers! We are here to kidnap Mount Everest!"
"What are you, some wierdos?"
"Actually, we're two genetically altered lab mice in a plot to take over the world!"
"They're psychos," said one climber.
"We're outta here," said another.
With all their obstacles gone, Brain and Pinky kidnapped the mountain and moved it out to sea, where they would remain on it until the world was ready to deal.
That evening, the story was all over the news. The newsman stated with his ever-present objectivity, "Mount Everest, the tallest mountain in the world, has disappeared. With us tonight are two mountain climbers who say they witnessed the mountain being stolen. So, you were starting an expedition when it was stolen?"
"Yes, we were waiting for this elevator, when,"
"Waiting for the elevator?"
"To go to the top of the mountain."
"Oh, of course," said the newscaster, as if this was obvious.
"Anyhow, there we were, when this crane drove up and the driver asked us who we were. We said we were the expedition to top Mount Everest."
"Did they say who they were?"
"They said they were two genetically altered lab mice trying to take over the world."
Brain turned off the television. "The world is almost ready, Pinky. Soon, I'll announce that I have Mount Everest and am holding it for ransom!"
"I am the purloiner of Mount Everest!" Brain announced over the airways to the world, "I have it! I am holding your most valued mountain for ransom! The price? Make me the leader of the world!"
Later Brain received an ultimatum from the leaders of the world, reading:
Dear Brain,
We, the leaders of the world, would like to present you with this ultimatum:
I. The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part.
II. That was a joke.
III. We, the party of the first part, have heard your demands for return of Mount Everest. We do not, however, know if you are truly in possession of said mountain. So, give us your latitude and longitude and if your claim is real, the world is yours.
Signed, The Leaders of the world
"The world is almost ours. Pinky! Success is so close I can smell it!"
"Oh, no. Brain, that's just my new cologne."
"I was speaking metaphorically, Pinky. Something you clearly have no concept of."
Many miles away in Nepal, a monk was meditating. "A mountain has been moved. It must come back. Back to the natural place. Ohm..." The monk closed his eyes and concentrated on Mount Everest. Pinky and the Brain felt the earth shake beneath their feet. Mount Everest was rising out of the ocean as if being drawn by a supernatural force. In fact, it was being drawn by the monk. His eyes closed, in rapt attention, he drew the mountain near. It landed, in its proper place, right on top of him.
Meanwhile, Pinky and the Brain were struggling to keep afloat in the ocean. "Come, Pinky, we must get back to the labs to prepare for tomorrow night."
"Why, Brain? What are we going to do tomorrow night?"
"The same thing we do every night. Pinky, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
The End