Star Trek: Voyager

VIADUCT

by Dagny Scott

Tuvok walked into the holodeck. Tom Paris sat in what appeared to be an early twentieth century Broadway theater. On stage appeared two middle aged men, a Jew and an Italian to judge by their accents.

"Paris" Tuvok said, "you're needed on the bridge."

"Right away, sir" Paris replied.

"But first," Tuvok said, "may I ask what you are watching?"

"The play," Tom informed him, "is The Coconuts, the second Broadway show from the comedy team The Marx Brothers."

"Comedy is one of the most ridiculous inventions by humans ever." Tuvok stated, as they headed to the bridge.

"Ridiculous is certainly a good description of comedy, but there's something intriguing about it, the way it takes the ordinary and twists it into something new, something completely different."

"Twisted logic is a strange way of deriving pleasure."

Just as Tom was about to respond they reached the bridge.

"Hello Mr. Paris, Mr. Tuvok," Captain Janeway stated, "we've observed a strange phenomenon outside which is blocking our course."

"Should we hail it?" Tuvok asked.

"Yes, Tuvok, do so."

A being responded with a voice that filled the entire bridge with an eerie echoing resonance. "We are going to blow up your ship in one hour. That is unless you answer our riddle."

"Why are you doing this?" asked Janeway.

"Who are you?" asked Tuvok.

"Just get on with it," commanded Paris.

"Never mind your questions Kathryn and Tuvok. If you answer correctly, it will all be explained. If not you'll be dead. The riddle is viaduct."

"That's it?" Janeway asked.

"You bet your life," it replied in a snotty, smirking voice.

"Okay," Kathryn stated, "we must get at this right now, exploring everything slightly resembling a viaduct. What do we know?"

"A viaduct is a type of bridge," stated Tuvok.

"Perhaps it has something to do with the bridge of this ship." hypothesized Janeway, "Tuvok, search the bridge for clues. Everyone else just think about it. Think about our bridge and any similarities. Mr. Kim, check the heating ducts. That could be part of it."

The whole ship was in a frenzy. The kind of self destructive chaos always caused by what appeared to be imminent danger. People forget about what needs to be done, trying to save themselves, forgetting about the welfare of others.

A message came to the bridge from the shuttle bay. There was a huge mob trying to escape the explosion. People had reached a state of frenzy and were becoming delusional at this experience. Many were sent to sickbay as a result of fainting or being trampled by the wild mob free for all.

Captain Janeway sent guards down to control the crowd and had all involved confined to quarters. One shuttle was launched, but pulled back by the tractor beam. Janeway felt the urgency of the situation and recognized their position, but she also knew that the entire crew needed to be unified to find the answer to the riddle. She commanded that all transmissions, as well as the object be analyzed thoroughly.

"The transmission certainly originated from that object there." Paris said, "It appears to be some type of life form, composition unknown."

"Well," said Janeway, "at least we know we are dealing with something alive."

The ship continued at a frenzied pace. Each crew member exploring something related to the word "viaduct". Security continued to guard the shuttlebays and transporters, while the Doctor and Kes cared for the wounded in sickbay.

Neelix, meanwhile, was preparing a delicacy to "boost their morale". He came up to the bridge. "I've got something here to cheer you up," he said, "It's an ancient specialty from......"

Captain Janeway cut him off. "I don't care what those things are, but they are certainly NOT NEEDED on my bridge!"

"I thought you could use a little cheering up right now. You know, a little humor, so you can look at this differently."

"Well, whatever those are they certainly won't help us any. Now get off my bridge!" Janeway commanded.

As Neelix left, Chakotay commented, "There are only fifteen minutes left, Captain."

"Wait a second!" With a false Italian accent, Tom Paris said, "It's Why a Duck! As in why a duck? Why-a no chicken?"

The accent made "Why a duck?" sound like "viaduct". This was a strange and different connection. But what was the significance? As if to answer a man appeared. He appeared to be Jewish, in his late sixties, smoking a cigar.

"You just said the secret word!" he said "Divide a hundred dollars between the two of you."

To everyone's surprise a duck appeared, suspended from the ceiling.

"What's happening?" Kim asked.

"Who are you?" asked Chakotay.

"What are dollars?" Tuvok asked.

"He appears," explained Tom Paris, "to be comedian Groucho Marx, but he died in the twentieth century."

"Indeed," replied the man, "The answer to your riddle came from my brother, Chico."

A man with black hair and a pointy hat emerged from the turbolift. He was followed by a man wearing a huge overcoat and a curly blonde wig. He was honking a horn and chasing a young blonde female crew member.

"Will someone stop this!" commanded Janeway.

"Not yet, not yet!' replied Groucho, "we're just starting to have fun!"

"You call this fun?" demanded Janeway.

"Yes." responded Groucho, "But Chico and Harpo can stop if you want."

"I would very much appreciate that." said Janeway.

Harpo and Chico stopped fooling around and Groucho explained. "I'm not really Groucho Marx and those are really not my brothers. We are those who placed the threat on you. We had a definite reason. We feel it is important that you use humor and creativity to accomplish your objectives. To look at things in a different way than what is considered normal. These things are important especially in times of mortal danger. We weren't really going to blow up your ship, although we could have. That was a necessary part of the experiment. You have proven yourselves. We are glad to see that beings such as yourselves are here." As quickly as he had appeared he was gone.

Captain Janeway and her crew were astonished at the response. Yet it made sense, looking at things differently. After all isn't that what humor, and life, are all about?

THE END