“I thought my Dad

            was going to die”     (Feb 1996)

In the early hours of  the 18^th of  January 1996, I returned home from Katy Daly’s where I had had a good evening with my friends.  There had been a few good bands, a couple of pints, plenty of fun and I had finally written that story I’d been struggling with for the last week.  Yes, when I arrived home, I drifted off to sleep with a contented smile thinking of the next time.

About 2.30am I was woken by my mum and she was really panicking though trying hard not to show it.  She told me that my dad was very sick, and by the look on her face I realised it was serious.  I jumped out of bed and ran down with her.  I found my dad lying on the floor in the hall, he didn’t look like the dad I normally see - always busy and energetic.  Thoughts were rushing through my head at this point, like what is happening, can I do anything, will he be all right?  My mum was crying so I asked my dad what was wrong and he said he had all the signs of a heart attack.  At this point a thought came into my head - what if he dies?  At that moment I realised that I’d better be responsible now because in ten minutes I could be the head of the household.  I phoned our friend who is a Doctor and he came and sorted a few things.  While we were waiting for him to arrive we became more hopeful that it was something other than heart trouble.  My dad then threw up a couple of times, this was a good sign that it was something else.  Then my mum was sick, this made them realise that it must have been something they had eaten; they had just been out for dinner with my Uncle and Auntie.   They rang them only to find that they also were being sick! 

A bad case of food poisoning it was but boy, was it a shock to the system.  I realised how much we take things for granted.  I had had a small argument with my dad before that night, imagine he had died and we hadn’t made up; the wee things you realise when you are faced with the reality of death.  I learnt that my father has done so much for me and that I really do appreciate him even though sometimes I don’t show it very well.  I should learn from and spend time with my dad because he wont be here forever.  Another good thing I found from this experience was that I coped pretty well in the face of death.  I had always thought I would try to, but when the time came, it’s like another very unconscious part of you, that is calm and knows what to do takes over.  I also empathised with those in countries like Zaire where many kids have lost their parents to war or disease.  It reinforced the fact that I want to go out and give myself for those people.