STUPID QUOTES

"If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
-Brooke Shields 

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." 

"Please provide the date of your death."
-from an Social Security letter 
"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
-Richard (Dicky) Nixon 

We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
-Lee Iacocca 

"A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
-Samuel Goldwyn 

Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children" 

"The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
-Rear Admiral James R. Hogg 

"We apologize for the error in last week's paper in which we stated that Mr. Arnold Dogbody was a defective in the police force. We meant, of course, that Mr. Dogbody is a detective in the police farce."
-Correction notice in the Ely Standard, a British newspaper 

"Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
-Batman costume warning label 

"The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
-Gerry Brown 

"I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them." 
-George Bush 

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
-Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Conntra testimony 

"We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
-Parish Magazine 

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign miinister 

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
-Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports annalyst 

"Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
-Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novvel 

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
-George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaaign 

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructorr 

The world is more like it is now then it ever has before. 
Dwight Eisenhower 

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again. 
-- Sen. Chris Dodd 

If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate. 
-- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D..C. 

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again. 
-- Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.) ;

(talk-show host): Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife. 

You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy! 
-- President Bill Clinton, looking at thhe recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita" 

You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us. 
-- Bob Dole 

You can't just let nature run wild. 
-- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alasska 

I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity. 
-- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas Housee 

(extending his hand during a campaign stop): I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you? 
Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent. 
"It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment, it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
"We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
"Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
"It is wonderful to be here today in the great state of Chicago" 
It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!
-- Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manneed mission to Mars 
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
"What a waste it is to lose one's mind.Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
-Dan Quayle 

Open seven days a week, excluding Sundays! -Sign on a K.F.C. store 

You can observe a lot just by watching. -Yogi Berra