Here at the Foxy Mouse, we're like a big family. It's almost as if all of these reporters just live in my head. It's as if improper toilet-training has doomed me forever to the life of a frustrated man-child, and the only way to release my pent up self-loathing and rage toward my father is to surround myself in a fantasy world populated entirely by characters from my childhood memories. Let's get started!

You might recognize Flash and Sizzle Jem_TM from her Article on George Washington , or maybe you recognize her because you were a huge pussy in 1987. Either way, she retired from the world of rock-star/crime-solver in 1988, when, in a heroin induced vomiting fit, she accidently threw up on David Lee Roth, incuring a massive beating! After that she became a born-again Christian, and eventually, a journalist. Around the office, her religious leanings have earned her the nick-name, "That Christian Bitch Who Puked on the Gigolo ".

At the end of the final season of "Clarrisa Explains it All", super-makes-junior-high-boys-want-to-masturbate-all-day-hottie Clarrisa left home for college. Gone were the days of explaining the pains and joys of a school girl's coming-of-age to a bunch ever-whacking school boys, but now she's here at the Foxy Mouse where she's shrinking a whole new generation of pants and explaining new things, like date rape and war. I'll never forget what funnyman Don Rickles once said of Clarrisa: "Clarrisa? She's made so many little boys come, she's practically a child-molester!" And you know, in the hands of a lesser comedian, that might have sounded offensive.

Back in the forties, when The Foxy Mouse was fighting the Nazis in Germany, the Silver Scorpion was battling crime at home. Eventually, like most super-heros of the time, she found her way to Europe where the origianl head of The Foxy Mouse, Hubert B. Weekly, befriended her, and decided her incredible jiu jitzu skills would make her a valuable asset to the Foxy Mouse staff. After a short stint as a "Foxy" girl (those girls who say that various things, especially themselves, are "Foxy" on the Main Page ) she became the head Foxy Mouse field reporter.

BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS! BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS! BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS! BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS! BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS!
BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS! BAD BATZ MARU WILL KICK YOUR ASS!

Finally, The Foxy Mouse's gayest (and yet, least sexy) reporter, Lil' Birthday Boy. Who is he? From the looks of it, one hell of a bitch. Where is he from? Kazbitchistan, or Bitchburg, or Bitchville, population: this guy. What does he do? Well, in a minute here he's going to curl up in a ball and recieve the ass kicking of his life if he doesn't get his little homo-bitch ass upstairs and make me a god damn sandwich right this fucking minute! Oh what? What? Are you gonna cry now you little bitch!?!
I'm sorry, he's just such a bitch though, you know? God damn it nevermind.

Well, that about does it for "Get to Know the Foxy Mouse Reporters". I hope you learned something here. Something very important. I hope we've established a trusting relationship. The kind of trusting relationship that's so special and rare in this crazy work-a-day, dog-eat-dog world. The kind of trusting relationship where you, the reader, believe everything you read on this web site, and do whatever I say, whenever I tell you. Thank You.

Click here to return to the Foxy Mouse About Page!

Click here to return to the Main Page!