For one thing, people of all races and religions are welcome. I mean, granted I live in Colorado so 90% or more of my friends are white, but if one of them decided to become black, say for a sociology experiment or to get into college like in that one godaweful movie, I'd accept their decision and not stand in the way of their Baseball enjoyment. And okay, so all of my friends are either agnostic, atheist, or nihlists, except one Christian and a couple of new-age style people. And okay, it's true that they get something approaching no end of shit for their most personal and sacred beliefs, but it's not like they aren't allowed to play or anything.
That's another thing- maybe if the leaders of the world could just give each other a little more shit. It must be hard for George Bush Jr. and Saddam Huissein (in an act of support for my country during war time, I'm not going to look up the spelling for "Hussein" or whatever) to develope the kind of relationship that allows them to work out their difference, because they have to talk to each other like a couple of grade school pussies. Maybe if George could just call up Saddam and say, "Whatup camel-jockey, I was just calling to ask what the fuck was up inside your retarted monkey-head that you won't let the UN inspect your shit for weapons of mass destruction, bee-otch?" To which Saddam could reply, "Grandma, is that you? Oh I I'm sorry Junior, I just get these little weakling voices all confused. Now, what were you saying about leading a nation of faithless, wealth obsessed dogs, my weakling friend?" And it could just go on like that until they worked everything out like friends. The world would be about 75% better if the world's leaders would just follow the example of myself and my league, as we know better than anyone the true ethics of baseball.
You see, Baseball's not about self glorification or hero worship, and it's not about salaries and ticket prices nearly as high as the salaries, it's not about the co-opting of the proletariate's lifestyle and the things which bring him joy by the slick corporate fat-cats whos' skewed sense of "fair play" may be rotting out the sport at it's core, it's about three things: America, cute girls in Baseball outfits, and kung-fu action. And it's not actually about two of those things.
It's about all the good, possibly made-up but good never-the-less, things about this country, like the fact that we don't need to use boudiors since we were born with hands and the ability to hold toilet paper in those hands, unlike the poor French. Then there's the fact that we aren't nearly as bad as say, South Africa or Palastine as far as racism and intolerance go. You see, Baseball is like the embodyment of all the best things in America: teamwork, fair-play, the infield fly rule, cheese hats and foam fingers and especially foam middle fingers, etc., etc.
