A Foxy Mouse Look At: The Devil
A Foxy Mouse Look At: The Devil
 The devil hangs out with chicks who not only grow grapes out of their asses, but they also eat the grapes. That is the perfect combination of hardass and stupid! |
Thanks to the fact that both death metal and goth rock are usually crappy suckfests of horrible shit, and so much of that music has to do with Satan, the devil has never really seemed gayer. I don't think that the point of being the world's #1 source for evil and #2 best idea for a female halloween costume is to influence a bounch of pseudo-tough cry-babies who never got over highschool to start a shitty band.
Maybe I get too sentimental over the devil, but I think he deserves a little better. I bet you haven't even thought about all the good things that the devil does for the world. You thoughtless bastard. For instance: the devil runs hell; hell scares fundamentalist christians, which causes them to want to do "the Lord's work", which results in hilarious antics! Sometimes they march around pretending that a one-celled zygote has a soul, sometimes they protest at funerals of people who put their junk into people with the same kind of junk, and sometimes they dress up like tampons and light crosses on fire. Are these things hurtful and mean? Yes. Do they often lead to horrible attrocities? Yes. Is it hilarious that anyone believes that if they don't do these things, a giant winged supervillian with a goat head that lives in an underground lair made of fire is going to torture their soul for all of eternity, presumably meaning that long after the earth has crashed into the sun, bursting open every atom that once made up the planet, Goat-Man will still be torturing them in the recesses of his hide-out, somehow? Bet your ass it is! |
| If it wasn't for the devil, we couldn't make fun of these retards, because we wouldn't be able to tell them apart from people with Down's Syndrome. The devil lets us know that these specific defectives can and should be laughed at, taunted, and taken less seriously than gym teachers. Another good thing about the devil is that, thanks to his most inspired fashion accessary, horns, we now have something to do with our hands at punk rock shows. Imagine a world where everyone in the club is there, rocking out, but when they go to raise their hands and jerk them a-rhythmically, nothing happens. They just stand there, flopping their hands around like a bunch of floppy-handed assholes trying to ask the teacher if they can go to the bathroom to take care of their accident. That's no way to rock. Thanks to the devil, the kids at shows can present their hand horns defiently as if to say, "My hand's a little puppet... now let's ROCK!" | BELOW: See? Devil costumes are cute! Mr. Rocker thinks so. All girls everywhere should wear devil grrrl costumes everyday of the year.  |
| The other thing that makes the devil the supreme overlord of fairy tale bad-asses, aside from his enormous influence in the tatoo community, is all of those weird old pictures of him. The creepy ones from like a million years ago that have turned up in such classic films as "Jacob's Ladder", "The Evil Dead", and "The Evil Dead II". They look like something an epileleptic would draw while riding a Tilt-O-Whirl. Those pictures kick ass. In fact, I'm not saying I know anything about art (this will become all too apparent in a minute), but Devil Oriented Art (DOA) might be second only to Skull Oriented Art (SOA) in terms of overall badassedness and usefullness to society. I mean, art about other things is okay and all, but it's usually made by some whiny dipshit who's idea of a joke is to wear a polo tie and his usual monochrome turtleneck to dinner. Regular, non skulls-or-the-devil-type artists are always trying to "confront" the viewer with "startling images" that "break open the facade and reveal aspects of the viewer's character/society blah blah blah blah blah. Fuck those guys! Could anything be more boring than standing around looking at a bunch of blurry photos with sea-shells glued to them and listening to some bedwetting hair gel disaster tell you about what you're going through as you look at it? Besides reading poetry? But on the other hand, your average Skulls-and-Satan artist tends to be a totally kick-ass guy, and the only time he blathers on about art is when he's fixing your car. He probably knows where all the "killer blow" is at in your area as well. |
 Look at that! That painting rocks! It's by James Ensor, who works at a Meinekie in Berthoud, CO  When you're the devil, you can expose yourself to anyone, and if you're smart, that's one privelidge you'll abuse all to shit. |
