Here are the contents of my interview with expert Dr. Craftsman Von Ludwig, head of the Undead Studies Department at the University of Colorado in Boulder.

JEM: Dr., you work in the "Undead Studies Department", is that correct?

CRAFTSMAN: Well, yes I did, until the government shut down my research. It's all a conspiracy! They're all involved! The Mormons! The Mormons are in on it!

J: Uh-huh, and you believe what, exactly?

C: Washington was killed in the Revolutionary War! The government re-animated him to serve as president! They may come for me soon! They're coming to take me away!

J: When you say, "President", you of course mean...

C: President of the United States.

J: Who is of course...

C: The... the leader of the whole damn country! You don't even know what the President does! I reek of box-whine and tequilla and even I know who the President is!

J: Well, I am just a doll that no one's played with in like, 17 years.

C: Fair enough.

There you have it. The more questions we ask, the more we have to ask. Was Jorje the first zombie president? or just the first marijuana addict president? or was he just, the first president? We may never know. As for Dr. Ludwig's research, well, sources indicate that he wasn't really head of "Undead Studies". It turns out there might not even be such a department. He was actually just a homeless lunatic, desperate for attention. But he did know more about American history than me, so when people ask me, "Flash and Sizzle Jem_TM, what do you think? Was Washington a zombie?" I just tell them, I can't be sure, but I'd bet my dreamhouse on it.

Thank you, for the Foxy Mouse, this is Flash and Sizzle Jem _TM, saying Goodnight, America.